Silver Lake Series 2 - Survivor
by Fleppy85
Summary: A terrorist attack destroys the Hollywood and Highland Center. Among the many victims is Sofia, whose life is at risk. Will she survive? How will Sara cope?
1. Chapter 1

Note of author: Welcome back to Silver Lake. It's time for the second book of the series. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did when I wrote it. Part 8 is almost finished, so you'll get many more stories about our favorite CSI couple and their (new) friends.

* * *

**Monday, June 6th **

With crossed legs Sara sat on the floor, her back to the wall, closed eyes. Time. She needed some time and after that she needed a conversation. A long one. About what just happened. To find out what to do next. Like now.

"Sara?" Jules stopped surprised. The brunette sat on the floor, next to a palm tree, almost hidden under it, didn't make a sound. Her last patient was gone, she was about to lock her office up for tonight when her eyes fell on the other woman.

"Hey."

The first intention Jules had was asking Sara what she was doing on the floor, why she didn't sit on one of the chairs. Instead she crawled under the palm and sat next to Sara. It had been over a year and a half that Sara wasn't a patient anymore. They hadn't met, had barely exchanged a word and when Greg was over, he came to see Sara and Sofia alone. Until six months ago, for Christmas. Over a year the therapist refused to see her former patient, didn't want to break her personal rule. Then Jules came with Greg over to spend the holidays with Sara and Sofia. From this day on they were friends, met once or twice a month, most times when Greg was in Los Angeles. But Sara had never been here again. Until today, over one and a half years after Sara ended her therapy.

"I know I will sound awful shrinky now and you hate it when I sound like this but…do you wanna talk?" She wasn't her psychologist anymore but she could to her like a friend. Sometimes it didn't matter to whom you talked as long as you had somebody to talk to. Somebody who listened to the words you said and – maybe more important – the words you didn't say.

"I've an appointment with your cousin – since five minutes or so." She lost track of time.

"Okay." There was a reason why Sara wasn't with her therapist, the same reason why she sat here with her former therapist and now friend. When she was ready to share her feelings and reason she would do it. No need to ask. To push.

"Jules?"

"Yes."

"You will never be my therapist again, will you?"

"No." They were through with this, Sara knew it was impossible for Jules to be her therapist again. Too many things had happened, too many things had changed. It was impossible to go back.

"Can you be my friend?"

Jules pulled Sara in her arms. "I am your friend. I'm with you." It had been a tricky change but they managed it quite good. Better than Jules had expected.

"Can…I need to talk to doctor Luria about…about something I can't talk about alone. Sofia should be the one who joins me, I know….it's not like I don't trust her…"

"You don't want to worry her."

"Yes. And I shouldn't worry you."

"Why don't we make a deal? We both go down to your doc, if it's okay with her I stay today with you and her and if you feel like it, you talk about what's on your mind. In the unlikely case that I can't handle whatever you have on your mind, I let you know. And if you don't feel like talking to her anymore, you go and I come with you. We get some cake, a coffee and sit down somewhere. Talk, if you like, or just enjoy the cake and coffee if that suits you better."

"That's not your job anymore, you're not my therapist."

"We established a minute ago I'm your friend. As your friend it's my job to have coffee and muffins with you. Come on." Jules got up, took Sara's hand and pulled her up. "Come on, lets see the doc. If she annoys us, like docs sometimes do, we leave her alone. It's a great day, the sun shines and we can use it as an excuse to be outside."

"You're a doctor too."

"I'm a cool doctor, not a medical doctor. Or do you want to tell me I'm like doctor Bendler?"

"She's your mother."

"So?"

"You're not like her, you're cool. That why I stayed with you."

"That's what I wanted to hear." Jules locked her office after them and walked with Sara in her arm down. The door to her cousin's office was open and they found her at the front desk.

"Sara, I'm glad you're here."

"Hi." If there had been the chance Sara had tried hiding behind her friend.

"Amanda, we need a favor." Jules kept her arm around Sara. "A big one."

"What's that?" The psychiatrist with the dark hair looked at the two women, who came into her office.

"Could you bend some rules?"

"According to your mother you bent the rules enough for the rest of the family." There was no annoyance in the voice of the doctor, it was a neutral statement.

"Please."

"Why don't you tell me what I'm supposed to do and I decide then."

"Sara would like me to join her today."

"Is that so?" Doctor Luria looked at Sara.

"Yes. It's not…it's not that I think you can't help me and want Jules to help me. I need her help but not because of you, it's because of me. And I can't ask Sofia it would be…please. Please let her come with me. I…I don't think…no, I know I can't talk about this without her. She…it's crazy and I don't understand why…since I've met her I feel safe with her. She made me get through so many things, whenever things get tough she get me through them. Got me through them. It's like when she's around I've a special security that will catch me if I fall …not that I don't trust in your skills…"

"It's more about the friend you need, not the extra psychologist." Doctor Luria helped out.

"Yes." Relieved her turbid explanation made some sense to the other woman she relaxed a little bit more.

"Okay, I let her stay. Quiet. In the back."

Sara looked at Jules who only nodded. This was her cousin's office, her rules.

"If I…"

"Sara, you'll be fine. If we get the impression you're not good or you tell us something is wrong, I'll be there. And if everything goes wrong, we have some medicine."

"I hate medicine." She hadn't used any medicine since the trial. Something she was very proud of. Like there hadn't been any need for her breathing exercise. It had been a long trial, or it felt long to Sara, but at the end Trevor went to jail and she felt like somebody took away a burden. Her past still haunted her, she wasn't over it but she was able to forget it more often. Her life was better since Trevor was in jail, she faced him and her demons from her childhood. It wasn't over but she made a few steps in the right direction.

"Who doesn't? You know it can help."

"Yes. You chose the right moments for medicine. I trust you, Jules."

"Do you trust your doctor too?"

"Yes."

"Good." Jules took a chair and placed it a little bit behind Sara. This way the brunette knew she was there but she wasn't in front of her eyes, didn't take Sara's focus of her doctor.

After a deep breath Sara started carefully choosing her words: "I got a phone call from my mother yesterday." Since the trial eighteen months ago Sara hadn't talked to her mother. When she needed her mother to send Trevor, the man who raped her as a child, to prison and her mother denied her support, told her to let the past stay in the past. Sara stopped having contact with her after the meeting. The pain that her mother wasn't there for her – again – was too big. Trevor was sent to prison and there were other women who came forward and told the police similar events like Sara's. Some were before Sara's time, some after. It didn't look like Trevor would ever leave prison again.

"She told me my brother called her and she wants to see us both."

"What did you feel at that moment?"

This question wasn't a surprise, she had expected it. Thought about it the last hours. Thought about her feelings when she heard her mother's voice, her request and when she ended the call. Felt since then. "Hate. Desperation. Fear."

"Did you respond that way?"

"I switched off my phone without an answer and haven't switched it on since then. I know I can't go on like this, I could change my phone number but that won't solve the problem."

"What would solve the problem?"

"When my mother never ever tries to contact me."

"How would that help you?"

"I don't have to talk to her anymore this way." Repression of reality never helped, she didn't need another lesson about it. They had been through this a few times.

"Will it change your feelings towards her? Your hate, desperation and fear?"

"No." Sara closed her eyes. Her behavior wouldn't change anything, she was aware of that. But when she could keep her mother out of her life she would think less of Trevor, of the trial. Wasn't it enough that she was still in therapy? Getting better and better but still…and a simple phone call could make her lose her head again.

"Why am I not over it? After this long time in therapy?"

"Because a lot of things happened to you, we haven't been through everything. Like you never told me about your brother, for example."

"Sam is five years older, when I got taken into foster care he ran away. End of story."

"What do you feel for him?"

"Nothing."

"Really?"

No, of course not. It was a lie, a very bad one. "Okay, I'm mad. He left me alone. When they came to get me he could have taken me with him. Instead he left me alone, left me to the strangers and saved his ass. I hate him for that. I really hate him from the bottom of my heart."

"Did he know what Trevor did to you?"

Sara bit her lips, turned and looked at Jules. It was time for her support.

"Sara?" Doctor Luria got the attention back at herself. "She is there, you can tell me without her by your side."

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"We never talked about it."

"You're a very sensitive woman, you know when people hide something and I can imagine you were like this when you were young. Like you know your mother knew about the rape. Did Sam know it too?"

"He has never been around when it happened."

"That's not a real answer."

Sara was aware of that. She tried to get around the answer, it brought too many thoughts with it. Things she didn't want to think about. "I think he knew. He hated Trevor, he was often angry and…I don't know."

"Did Trevor touch him?"

"No." Nobody touched Sam. He wasn't a victim, he was a fighter. If Trevor had tried to touch him, Sam had put up a fight and hurt the man. He had been tall and strong. So different to Sara.

"Can you imagine meeting your mother and your brother?"

"No."

"What do you think would happen if you meet them?"

"Either I yell at them, assault them or I have a bout. I didn't have a bout for over one and a half years, I don't want to risk another one. Why should I meet them anyway? They both left me alone when I needed them most. There're no reasons to meet them, talk to them. They all should leave me alone and rot in hell!" Sara jumped up and wanted to leave the room but was stopped by Jules who stood in her way.

"Running away isn't a solution, I thought you remember our sessions better, Sara." Jules voice was calm. She didn't touch Sara, only looked into her eyes.

"Fuck." Sara sat back down. "I don't want to see them. Over and out."

"Okay, it's your decision."

"You don't like it, I can see it in your face. You want me to see them, talk to them."

"In my opinion it would be better when you face them, you won't get over your problems when you try to ignore them. Repression doesn't help. They are a part of your problems. If you can't face them, can't talk to them, you're not over your past, not over your disorder."

"You want me to go there? Meet them?"

"I want you to be able to live a life without fear, without suffering, without worrying if the bouts come back. You made process Sara, you worked hard on yourself, you reached a lot of goals and I want you to reach the final goal."

"When?"

"That's something I don't know, can't tell you."

"I come to therapy for almost two years. This wasn't supposed to take such a long time." She felt frustrated. When she agreed to see Jules she thought of a few months and not a few years. Therapy started to annoy her and cost a lot a of money. A lot of money for getting her nowhere. Waste of money. "I'm sick and tired of therapy, doc."

"You're not there, Sara."

"It feels like I'm stuck."

"You know Trevor has to face court again?"

"Yes. Another woman stepped forward, he raped her when she was twelve, now that she's twenty-one she wants him to pay for it. I thought of going to San Francisco when the trial starts. Hopefully they find him guilty and make sure he will never get out of prison." The idea her attacker would stand in front of her door one day scared her, had ruined a few nights already.

"She needed eleven years to step forward and I'm sure that your trial last year helped her a lot. When she tells her story now she will know people believe her. She has to tell her story in court, you will hear what he did to her."

"I'm afraid he did the same to her like he did to me. The friend of her father, the parents out of house, the nice friends offered to look after the daughter and when they're alone he gets into her room and rapes her. After that he threatens her not to tell anybody or very bad things will happen to her, her family, if she has, to her pets. I told you he threatened to kill my parents and my brother so I had to go into foster care. They do nasty things to girls in foster homes." Sara swallowed. The words were still in her ears, she could hear them like he just said them to her.

"For being stuck and not making any process you can talk about the abuse without trembling or getting close to a bout." Doctor Luria smiled lightly.

"We've been through it for over eighteen months."

"I've a patient who had to go through the same you did, Sara and she's in therapy for over twenty years. With a few breaks, changing therapists, one, two or three appointments per week. She still can't talk about what happened to her without trembling, without crying."

"Over twenty years?" Was she supposed to feel good? Feel strong? Proud of herself? Right now it scared her. Such a long time and no success. What if the same happened to you? When she was stuck too. Twenty years, another eighteen years of therapy?

"Yes. You are making progress, Sara. He hurt you for a long time, not only once which is already bad enough, you buried it for almost thirty years deep inside you, it takes some time to get it out completely. And when you are over it you can talk to your mother and brother without worrying they might talk about the trial. And if you don't want to talk to them it won't have anything to do with what Trevor did to you."

Sara closed her eyes. Twenty years and still therapy. Was that her future too? Would she end up for the rest of her life in therapy? Spilling her guts, working on a goal that seemed to stay out of reach.


	2. Chapter 2

Sofia took a look at her watch. Another half an hour before she could go home. An evening with Sara on the sofa, watching a movie and talking about their days. Her lover had worked in the morning, should be almost out of therapy. Maybe they would play some basketball if Sara didn't have a busy day, walked around a lot. Don and Kyle would certainly join them if they asked, Lynn had a date with her new boyfriend.

Another report was written, all her work was done. Time to think of a thought that crossed her mind the last couple of weeks. Working on her career. She was a lieutenant one and wanted to become a lieutenant two. She knew her boss would give his okay to it and when she felt ready for the tests she could do it. One step closer to become a captain. First a career with the police was more her mother's wish, this had changed when she came to Los Angeles. She knew she was good, she knew she had everything you need to be a great captain, so it was obvious it was her destiny to become one. And maybe, only maybe, she could outrank her mother one say. Deputy Chief Curtis. Didn't this sound cool?

Another thought that came up her mind was going home early. That was a good idea. She had some overtime, why not leave the office early and go home? She packed her bag, got up and was almost at her door when her pager went of.

"Oh fuck! Screw it! Why?" Ten seconds later and she had been out of the office, on her way home…okay, her pager was with her anyway.

"Multiple hostage, multiple shots fired at the Hollywood Boulevard, Hollywood and Highland Center. Shooters are still active. Holy shit." She grabbed her service weapon, her vest and stormed out of the room. With her there were dozen more officers storming out of offices, running to their cars. Screaming police sirens cut through the warm June afternoon air, getting the attention of everybody around.

The street was closed from North La Brea Avenue, a lot of police cars and ambulances were already on the street, made it impossible to get any further. They parked and got out of their cars. Sofia heard more shots, more sirens. People were running towards her. Old, young, white, black, they all ran and…a woman fell only a few yards away from Sofia. Like she lost her balance but when she touched ground the backside of her head was missing. A man not too far away went down too. Screaming, there was blood on his shirt. Before Sofia could reach him she felt something flying close to her ear. A bullet. She dove down, tried to locate the shooter. Somewhere from the Hollywood and Highland Center. They had to secure the area, get the people out. Not via the street. The shooters were somewhere, watching them, killing them like it was only a computer game. An easy game.

"With what are we dealing?" She asked an officer, who looked for some shelter next to her.

"I've no idea, they said out of the blue somebody started shooting from the second story of the Hollywood and Highland Center. So far we know about seven shooters but it's unknown how many are inside. It's a mess, I couldn't talk to witness and there are several officers already injured and/or down."

"Damn it." What were they dealing with? A group of terrorists? A robbery gone bad? Why the Hollywood and Highland Center? The Oscar night was long over, were there any stars around? At the Kodak Theatre? Usually premier show of a movie started later, had been an early one today? Were actors the target? Or tourists? Was somebody trying to destroy the tourist industry in Hollywood?

"Here's Lieutenant Curtis, is anybody in the Theatre?" There were so many voice on the radio, a lot of shouting, most of it was not to understand. "We need to get inside, stop them." But how? They were less than fifty yards away, there was nothing to hide from the bullets.

SWAT teams arrived, heavy armed, with protection. They started to get injured people of the streets, were hit by bullets. It felt like rain, bullet rain. Sofia looked at the door of a shop a few yards away. From the inside she could have a better look at the Theatre. Somehow they had to get eye to eye with the shooter. If it wasn't possible to get them from the Kodak Theatre maybe they had a chance from one of the shops across the street.

Taking a deep breath she held on to her weapon, jumped up and started running towards the door. Only a few more yards and she was inside, safe, could hide and…heat. A lot of heat, noise and pain were the last things she felt before the world turned black around her.

* * *

"What is this noise?" Doctor Luria went to the window. The last five minutes it was impossible for her to talk to Sara, police, emergency and fire brigade sirens cried out loud without a stop.

"An accident?" Jules stepped next to her cousin.

"They don't make so much noise for an accident. All vehicles drive west, maybe somebody attacked an actor? Or more than one. Is there a premier going on tonight?"

"Don't ask me, I'm not into celebrities."

"Me neither." A pager went off.

"That's yours."

"Yeah. Sorry." Doctor Luria went to the desk and took her pager. "Oh god!"

"What?"

"There was a massive shooting at the Hollywood and Highland Center and…I can't believe this is real but the message says, somebody just blew up the Hollywood and Highland Center."

"What?"

"I'm sorry Sara, I need to get there…" Doctor Luria worked with LAPD and in a case like this it was her job to be around.

"Me too! Sofia is on duty! And even if she wasn't, they'd call her in. I've to make sure she's all right."

"I come with you." Jules was next to Sara. Both knew it wasn't very likely they could get close to the scene but maybe it was possible to see Sofia somewhere.

Nervously Sara changed the radio station every few seconds in Jules's car. News, she wanted to hear the news. Doctor Luria had to be wrong, nobody had blown off the Hollywood and Highland Center, that was impossible. And made no sense. Why would somebody do something like that? Especially when it was an ordinary day, no Oscar night. Then again when terrorists flew into the World Trade Center it had been an ordinary day too – until nine in the morning.

"Did you reach Sofia?"

"No, when I called her cell phone I got straight to voice mail."

"Work and private?"

"Yes. Both didn't get me Sofia." Fear was in Sara's voice. Something was wrong. Even when her lover was busy, she had a special ring tone for Sara and answered the phone all the time. Especially in a case like today, when it was obvious her lover was worried.

"Nothing to worry about. If she's there she'll have other things to do."

"Probably." Sara tried to tell herself these things the whole time. The problem was she didn't believe it. She was nervous, she felt something was wrong. Her lover wasn't fine, Sara had no idea if her feeling meant Sofia was injured or just had a lot of stress. Hopefully the second one.

"The trip is over." Jules stopped her car. A police car stood in the middle of the road and stopped them from continuing their trip.

"We've two feet, we can walk." Sara got out of the car. They were four blocks away from Hollywood Boulevard, they could walk this distance.

"Sorry ma'am, you can't go on from here." An officer stopped her.

"Why?"

"Because the whole area is a red zone. Nobody is allowed to get in. We need space for the ambulance, fire brigade and police cars."

"Did somebody really blow off the Hollywood and Highland Center?"

"Yes."

"Shit." It was true. "How many…"

"We don't know yet. A lot."

Sara leant into Jules. A lot of dead bodies. Of course. It was a beautiful day, the streets were filled with tourists, tour guides. Summer in L.A., the busiest time of the year.

"Do you need volunteers?" Jules asked.

"At the moment we're still securing the scene, there are still a lot of people injured and dead in the area, we can't let anybody in. The shooters could be still hiding somewhere and strike again. What do you want to help?"

"I'm a therapist, I can talk to survivor."

"I can contact our counselors, if they want help you can get in."

"Thanks." Jules pulled Sara aside. "You should go home, when Sofia is somewhere in there she won't be back for a few hours and not available on the phone."

"Jules, something happened to her. She knows I know by now about the incident, she knows I worry and even when she's busy she'd send a text to tell me she's fine."

"She's busy."

"Not that busy. Something happened, Jules. I can feel it." Her heart ached, she felt like she didn't get any oxygen, something bad had happened to Sofia. Sara didn't need more proof than her feelings. As a CSI she was after hard evidence, evidence you could see, touch, analyze. As a lover all she needed were her feelings.

"Try to call Don, Lyn or Kyle. Maybe they can help out. I bet every cop of Hollywood and West Los Angeles is in there."

Not satisfied Sara took her cell phone and tried the numbers of her friends. Like with Sofia's numbers she ended up in voice mail. Not good. Absolutely not good.

* * *

Sara made the decision it was better to wait as close as possible to the scene than being at home. She'd go crazy there. Not that she could do anything here, she was caught behind the barrier but she was she closer to Sofia. Jules got them two bottles of water, which Sara hadn't touched yet.

"I could get in, I'm a CSI, I can help."

"You're not a CSI anymore and you never worked in L.A.."

"Who cares? Do you think I forgot everything I learnt?"

"No. Do you want to call your former boss so he can let LAPD know you're available? Your chances to get in are higher this way."

"I need a kit and can start right away. Like you could if they let you in."

"Amanda will let me know when I can do something." Jules's cell phone rang. Maybe this was her cousin. No, her mother. "Hey mom, did you hear…"

"I'm aware of it Jules. We have the hospital full with injured and dead people." Of course, what a stupid question. Her mother knew about the incident before she did.

"Do you want me there?"

"I need you to call your former patient, now friend, Miss Sidle."

"Why?" Jules felt how her stomach tightened. Why did her mother want her to call Sara? That couldn't be good. Was Sara's feeling right? Did something happen to Sofia? Was she with her mother? In hospital?

"I've Miss Curtis here and even when Miss Sidle isn't family, I know Miss Curtis would want her here."

"What did happen? Is she all right?"

"Get her here, Jules. Fast."

"Mom…" Her mother ended the call already.

"Jules? What happened?" Sara saw how pale her friend became. Whatever the phone call was about it wasn't something good.

"We need to get to hospital."

"Why?"

"Mom called, Sofia is there and wants to see you." Maybe Sara wasn't that concerned when she said, Sofia wanted to see her. When you want to see somebody you were awake, couldn't be too injured. Unfortunately this theory didn't work with Sara.

"Jules, what happened to Sofia?" If Sofia was fine she had called Sara herself. Or gave the doctor Sara's cell phone number.

"I've no idea. Mom just said we should get there."

"Is she…?" Sara didn't dare to say the words out loud. She didn't even want to think Sofia was dead. That was impossible.

"I don't know. Come on." Like Sara Jules didn't want to think what exactly could have happened to Sofia. She could have nothing more than a concussion, a broken arm or was dead. Everybody, no matter if dead or alive, was taken to hospital first.


	3. Chapter 3

"Holy shit." Jules stared appalled at all the people at the emergency room. This place was full on an ordinary day, today it was massive overloaded. Bleeding people, bruised people, children crying in the arms of their parents, alone, men holding their arms, shoulders or heads, women with bandages, crying soundless, eyes filled with horror. So much blood. These were only a few people, the ones that weren't seriously injured. Wherever the emergency cases were, when somebody blew off a big building there were a lot of them. More than one room could hold.

They had opened the cafeteria for arriving patients and nurses were all over these two rooms, helping injured people, stopping bleedings, giving away band aids and bandages. It wasn't the closest hospital to Hollywood Boulevard and the psychologist didn't want to think about how the other hospitals closer to the Hollywood and Highland Center looked like.

"Can you see Sofia?"

"No." It was impossible to see somebody. All the people became one crowd and the constant movement in the rooms made it not possible to see one particular person.

"Reception." Sara pushed her way through people to the reception and got the attention of a nurse.

"We can't help you right away, ma'am. Please take a seat, a doctor will be with you as soon as possible."

"I'm not injured, I'm looking for Sofia Curtis."

"Sorry ma'am, I can't give you any information about patients, we haven't been able to list them."

"Can we talk to doctor Bendler please?" Jules asked.

"I doubt doctor Bendler has the time. All doctors are treating patients or are in surgery."

"Okay, I call her."

"Are you a relative?"

"Her daughter." Jules tried to reach her mother but all she got was voice mail. "Mom, we're in the ER. Where's Sofia? What happened to her?" She ended the call and looked at Sara.

"Now what?"

"Now we wait."

"Can't we just…?"

"What? Walk in and look around? You know it's not possible."

"I go crazy when they let me wait for hours and no shrink on this planet will stop that."

"I take the challenge." Jules took Sara's hand and pulled her towards a free chair. "Sit."

"Jules…"

"No discussion. We can't do anything right now, you sit here and we wait until my mother or Sofia appear."

"Why can't we walk in and have a look for ourselves?"

"Because we'd be in the way of all doctors and nurses, we're not supposed to be inside and there are five hundred beds inside, we can't walk up to every single bed and look if Sofia is inside. Or have a look at all surgery rooms. We need somebody who tells us where to go."

"Why isn't she answering her phone?"

"My mom? I guess she's in surgery."

"Sofia."

"When she's inside she isn't supposed to use her cell phone."

"She knows I know about the theatre and that I worry. Something bad happened to her, Jules. Otherwise she had called. She always calls when she comes home late. Always. Because she knows I worry and drive myself crazy when I don't hear from her."

"Sometimes you can't call. If she has a broken arm she'll be somewhere inside and can't use her phone."

"People with broken arms are sitting here." Sara had seen at least a dozen people with broken arms and legs, a few dislocated shoulders. Today a broken limb was not a major injury. Another fact that scared her. Sofia's injuries had to be severe.

"Cops get special treatment."

"Not today."

Jules knew as good as Sara did that this was true. Today everybody cared mostly about the people whose life were at risk. With a disaster like an exploded Hollywood and Highland Center there were more than enough seriously injured people. How many people could have been around? A hundred? Two hundred? Jules had no idea how many tourists visit the famous Oscar place on a warm summer day.

Her eyes fell on a screen on the wall. The news channel. Her breath stopped when she saw the first pictures of the Hollywood and Highland Center. Or she had to rephrase this: when she found out the scene she saw was once the Hollywood and Highland Center. Nothing was left of it. When the camera zoomed away from it they could see it was the Hollywood Boulevard. Not because of glamour, not because of stars and advertisements, simply because she saw the Hollywood sign in the back. Once you were able to see it from the theatre, when you went to the second story at the little plaza next to the theatre, you had a pretty good look at the sign. Now there was no second story, no third or first. There were only stones, bricks and a lot of dust. Search troops were all over the place, with dogs, with machines.

"The buildings around the Theatre look like some of them will break down." Sara's voice was quietly. "Some of them are down. The building across the street are more ruins than buildings."

"Yes."

"I'm scared, Jules."

"Sofia is alive, Sara."

"How can you know?"

"If she wasn't mom had told me so. Believe me Sara, she is alive."

"I pray for that." When was the last time she prayed? Really prayed? With the belief of a God who heard the prayer and helped. She must have been a small child the last time she did so. "Do you think there is a god?"

"I don't know. People start to believe in a higher power when they feel helpless. If this hope is legitimate is a question I can't answer. For some people is the believe in god a help. Calms them down."

"When I see pictures like these I don't think there is any god above us. If there's a god and god is good how can things like today happen? A good god, a god who loves people, wouldn't let bad things happen."

"The fight between good and bad, you know it as a former CSI."

"Our bad guys were all human, no devil. I never had a case with a victim of a higher power killer. As a psychologist, do you believe there are plain evil people? Born evil?"

"No."

"Do you think you can change bad people to good?"

"You mean everybody? No. Some people enjoy doing bad things to others too much. It's power and power makes addicted. Therapy can help but it doesn't do wonder."

"Isn't it power over other people when you go into their heads and make them change their behavior?"

"I don't go into other people's head. I offer ways to change if people want to change. You know as good as I do, a therapy works only when the patient also wants to change. Or did I ever force you into something?"

"No, you only showed me once what will happen if I don't listen to you. I had the chance to ignore your advice but I knew it wasn't smart not to listen to you."

"All advises I gave you were in good intentions."

"I know. And I miss having you as a therapist sometimes. Nothing against your cousins, she's good but there was something about you, something about you made me feel safe all the time. Still does. I'm glad to have you back in my life and I know it wasn't an easy decision for you." She saw the fight of the therapist, knew how difficult it had been for her to make the decision to see Sara as the best friend of her boyfriend, let her become her friend too. A therapist wasn't supposed to be friend with a former patient.

"It's not the way it's supposed to be. But being in a relationship with your best friend makes it impossible to have no contact." It had been difficult the whole time, to let Greg go visiting his friends while she couldn't join him. When he came back, he couldn't talk to her what they did, couldn't let her participate on his life.

"Especially when he moves to L.A. to be with you."

"One day."

"I've the feeling this day will be sooner than later." For the first time Sara smiled a bit. The last time she talked to Greg, last night, she had the feeling her friend had concrete plans to move from Sin City to the City of Angeles.

"We will see. If he makes the decision to move it would be good for you."

"You mean: if the two of you make the decision he moves over it would be good for all of us."

"Yes."

"Jules, he is in love with you, he will move. We both know it, he knows it. And I want Sofia around when he arrives."

"She'll be there." Jules checked her cell phone. No call from her mother so far. Nothing ordinary, a surgery could take a few hours. Hopefully they didn't have to wait this long.

"Can't you do something to get us in?" Sara asked.

"Like what? I'm not a doctor."

"Yes you are."

"Not a medical doctor."

"You're a therapist, don't they need a therapist for the people with a trauma? You could offer to help them out like you did at the scene."

"That leaves you where?"

"Next to you as a proof you're good? A helping hand for the nurses? Collecting evidence for the CSI lap in Los Angeles?"

"That won't work out. Wait here." Jules got up and went back to the nurse at the reception. After half a dozen people were sent to different chairs to wait it was her turn. "Sorry to bother you again, can you tell me where my mother is? Is she in surgery? Doctor Bendler."

"Every doctor is in surgery at the moment, Miss Bendler."

"Actually it's doctor Weinberg."

"Doctor? What kind of doctor?"

"I work with trauma patients, as a psychologist. Shall I help you out somewhere? I mean most of these people can use a counselor right now but do you have a trauma ward? Shall I help you out there?"

"I need some kind of identification…"

"Sure." Jules pulled her wallet out of her pocket and showed the woman a photo. "My proud mother next to me after I got my degree."

"You haven't changed a lot."

"Thanks."

"What about your friend? Is she a doctor too?"

"No, she used to be one of Las Vegas best CSI, according to my mother her partner is somewhere here. Unfortunately she never told us where and why."

"I have another look. Who is the one you're looking for?"

"Lieutenant Sofia Curtis."

The woman checked again in the computer. "Nothing. But I don't have any new patients since two hours because nobody has the time to write those things down. Sorry. You know where your mother usually works?"

"Sure. I've been around many times."

"Go there. If she saw Lieutenant Curtis she has to be somewhere there."

"Thanks. What about your trauma ward?"

"You know your way?"

"Of course. I worked there a few times."

"Ask one of the doctors there if they want any help. I can't make decisions for them."

"Thanks." Jules walked back to Sara. There was her advantages of working at the same hospital like her mother did. The months of practicing here paid out now. Connection could help you out a lot in life.

"We're allowed to go inside. Mom is still in surgery but when she saw Sofia somewhere we might get more information there."

"Okay." Following Jules Sara went into the inner building of the hospital. Here weren't so many people anymore but the ones she saw were rushing around, trying to be somewhere else, somewhere where they were needed urgently.

"Now what?"

"Now we ask a nurse if she knows where Sofia is." Jules walked towards the room where the nurses sat most times. Today nobody was sitting around. Like everywhere else in the hospital the nurses were on their feet, helping people.

"Possibility one is we have a look ourselves, the computer is running. Number two is we wait until somebody comes around. Number three we open every door and look for Sofia. Any other ideas?"

"When your mother saw Sofia what is the most likely place where she could be now?"

"Can be anything from surgery to a room. Depends on why Sofia is or was here."

"She called you and told you to get me here, it's something serious Jules. We both know that."

"Yes." Jules sighed. She tried everything to cheer Sara up, to make her think positive. The problem was they both knew her mother didn't call because Sofia had a little bruise. Whatever happened to the blonde it was serious. Very serious otherwise she had called herself.

"Idea?"

"Do you know where to look in the computer and is there anything written in that the nurse downstairs couldn't see?"

"I know where to look but I doubt there's something written in that they didn't see in the ER. They can see the basics and in the basic every patient has is a name."

"I'm sorry what…oh, hello Jules."

"Hi Derek." Jules smiled when a doctor stopped next to them. He was in his late thirties, tall and the smile he send Jules made it obvious they knew each other. Very good.

"This isn't a good moment to see your mother…" With one hand he removed his longish hair out of his face while he let his green eyes on Jules.

"I know she's in surgery."

"Yes. Sorry, I don't have time to talk to you, I need to get into surgery myself."

"Of course. Can you tell me where the lieutenant is you got an hour ago? Blonde, in her thirties. Sofia Curtis. Mom called me because of her, she must be here."

"Sorry, there have been so many patients…but your mother is doing a surgery on a patient who could fit your description right now."

"Really? You know what…?"

"Sorry, no idea. Something with her leg. I must go, sorry. Come around soon, maybe we can meet for a coffee."

"Sure."

"Something with her leg? Broken?" Sara tasted blood. She had bitten her finger nails too much. An old bad habit.

"Maybe." Jules took Sara's hand out of her mouth, pulled the brunette into the room, opened a cabinet, got a band aid out and put it on the little wound.

"Nobody worries about my nails today."

"I do. I worry about you all the time and that includes your nails. Besides it's not the best idea to walk around with an open wound, especially not in a hospital."

"Can we walk to wherever your mother is? Probably with Sofia."

"We can walk there, wait in front of the door if they let us do that."

"Lets go." Sara didn't want to waste any time here when Sofia was somewhere else. She wanted to be with her lover as soon as possible. Right when she came out of surgery. A thought that made her heart ache. Sofia was in surgery. It couldn't be good. It couldn't be a broken leg, nobody worried about broken legs today. It was serious. Very serious.


	4. Chapter 4

"How long do surgeries take?" Sara forced herself to stay on her chair. She had been sitting here since two hours and nobody came out of the room so far. No doctor, no nurse, nobody. Why? In TV series they went in and out the whole time. Why not here?

"From a few minutes to a few hours, you know that yourself."

"Like I know why we can't just walk in and ask what's up with Sofia…nevertheless I want to do exactly that."

"You can't."

"I know." Sara buried her face in her hands. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I go crazy, Jules. Do something."

"If she's in there she will be fine."

"Or they're losing her right now." Being in surgery doesn't save your life. A lot of people lost their life in surgery. Anything could go wrong.

"Sara." Jules took Sara's face between her hands and got close to her own face. "Sofia will be fine, you hear me? She will live. Whatever happened to her, she'll survive, she's a fighter and a survivor. Don't you dare to doubt your girlfriend. She would trust you to fight for her, so trust her too. She knows you're waiting for her, do you believe there's anything that will make her stay away from you? She loves you more than her own life, she'll live, no matter what the odds are."

"I'm so scared Jules."

"She will be with you soon."

"There's nothing I can do for her."

"Of course you can. Believe in her. She feels you're around, I'm sure of that."

"Bullshit."

"Bullshit? Don't you feel her around? Don't you know she's there before you see her? Can't you feel her when she's close to you?"

"Of course but…"

"But what?"

"She's in surgery."

"People in surgery might be in anesthesia but she is aware of you being here. Trust the power of your love, Sara."

"Fear takes over and I doubt breathing exercises will help. Any other ideas?"

"What does help you when you're in stress?"

"Sofia."

"How do you cope at work when she isn't around?"

"I call her or read a few text messages she sent me."

"Read them."

"They won't get her here. Won't help her."

"Will they hurt?"

"No, of course not."

"So? Go on and read. And remember the fun you have with her, think of what you want to do with her."

"We thought about Christmas last week. Isn't that crazy? It's summer and we talked about winter, about gifts for Christmas." Christmas gifts seemed so unimportant now. Who cared for them? All Sara needed was Sofia, no gifts.

"You made any plans?"

"No real plans, only talked about ideas. One included you."

"Me?"

"Yes. You and Greg. We thought it would be fun when you come with us for skiing. For the holidays, some nice days away from work, skiing, long evenings in front of the fire."

"Sounds like a nice plan. Want me to ask Greg if he likes the idea too?"

"Yes. If you tell him you want to go he'll come. He does everything you want, like a little puppy."

"Greg is an adult and can make his own decisions."

"Yeah but your suggestions are like his decisions. When you're in love you do what your partner wants." Sara sighed. "I wish Sofia would tell me what to do now."

"She'd tell you to stop worrying and kiss her."

"Maybe." Sara starred at the door. Why was it closed? Why did nobody open it? "This doctor earlier, he checked you out?"

"Huh? Derek?"

"Yes. The tall one who wants to have coffee with you. Coffee has always been a key word. Do I have to tell Greg you're flirting with a tall dark haired doctor?"

"My ex."

"Even worse."

"Not every ex is a nightmare or a reason to be jealous. Greg has no reason. Derek is married and father of two lovely kids."

"I doubt his wife is a wonderful as you are."

"Don't flirt with me, Sara."

"You're not my therapist anymore."

"No but I'll tell your girlfriend."

"She called you hot. And the only reason she didn't hit on you like Greg did was because you were my therapist. Not like Mister: Wow, are you single?"

Jules laughed. "I must say he impressed me with that. I like it when people are straight forward and cute at the same time."

"Yeah, you dated the best friend of your patient, I'm sure there's a rule that says you're not supposed to do so."

"I bent a lot of rules in your case."

"Yeah. Thanks for that, I appreciated it. Without it I had never continued therapy."

"I know. And I knew it's important you do, more than sticking to all rules." Jules took Sara's hand and squeezed it. Apart from now Sara looked much better and was more settled than before. There were a lot of things unfinished, like the thing with her brother and her mother but Sara could sleep without nightmares and didn't have bouts anymore.

The door to the operating room was opened and doctor Bendler stepped out.

"There you are, I don't have much time. Walk with me."

Sara and Jules followed her towards a vending machine. Doctor Bendler chose a coffee and a chocolate bar.

Unable to hold back her fear and the questions that drive her crazy Sara started talking: "Where's Sofia? How is she? Can I see her?"

"She's still in surgery, her status is critical during a lot of blood loss. What blood type are you?"

"A positive."

"Doesn't work for Sofia, anyway it would be helpful when you give a blood donation. We have a lot of people with blood loss. Same for you Jules, you have Sofia's type by the way."

"When can I see her?"

"You're not family, usually you're not supposed to see her at all nor am I supposed to talk to you. But I know your relationship to her and her parents told me to let you to her ASAP. They're on their way too. If the doctor agrees you can see her after the operation for a minute. Not longer. She won't be conscious, she's in an artificial coma and will stay in it for another day or two. Her body doesn't have the power to be awake. She survives the night and tomorrow she'll live." Doctor Bendler got her pager out of her pocket. "Gotta go." She handed her half full coffee to Jules.

"But…" Sara looked at the doctor who vanished down the hallway into another room. She had so many questions and barely any answers. What did that mean if Sofia survived the night and the next day? How bad was she injured? What exactly did happen to her?

"I want answers. She left me with a lot of questions."

"Yes, the problem is she doesn't have the time to answer all your questions, there are more patients waiting for her and every second she stands here can cost a life."

"They have to finish Sofia…what does that mean?"

"That means mom did the operation and the other doctor and nurses finish it. Taking care of the injury, stitching the wound, whatever they did."

"Something that made Sofia lose a lot of blood. It can be everything, we saw the picture."

"Yes."

"You know what scares me most?"

"What's that?"

"That she never told us exactly what happened to Sofia and that she called her parents and they're on their way." If a doctor called the parents of a patient to make a four hours one way trip from one state to another it was very serious.

"They are her closest family. As long as you're not married a hospital will inform them and not you."

"She has me written down as a contact person."

"Mom called you."

"Why didn't she tell me what happened? It must be serious, Sofia's life is still at risk."

"Sara, I can't tell you what happened to her, I know as much as you do. All we can do is sit here and wait until they get her out."

"I hate waiting." Sara buried her face in her hands again and started crying. Why was nobody helping her? Why wasn't she allowed to see her lover? Know what happened to her? Why did they keep her hanging on?

"You see her soon." Jules pulled Sara in her arms.

"I need her…without her I can't…I can't live without her, Jules. She's my life and if I lose her there's nothing left that makes my life worth living."

"You lived before you were with Sofia and you would live without her. There's no need to think about it because you will have her. You will live with her."

"There is no life without Sofia." Not for Sara. The blonde was her life, her elixir of life. Without it, her life wasn't livable anymore.

"You won't have to live without her." Jules hoped her words were true. If anything happened to Sofia, if she would die, there was nothing Jules could do to keep Sara save. As much as she hated the thought of it, if they got bad news, she had to get Sara under medical surveillance. The brunette said it herself, without the blonde she couldn't live and there was no doubt she'd try to end her life if the blonde died.

* * *

It took almost an hour before the door to the surgery was opened again. Two nurses came out with a bed. Immediately Sara jumped up. Sofia?

"Who are you?" One of the nurses got between Sara and the bed.

"Hello Amy, if you have Lieutenant Sofia Curtis on the table, Sara is her partner. Mom called me a few hours ago to take her here."

"Oh, hi Jules. We need to get Miss Curtis to her room."

"Of course. Can Sara have a short look at her while you take a deep breath. I'm sure you need a boost." She offered both a bar of chocolate.

"One minute."

"Thanks."

"Thanks." Sara stood next to the bed. There she was, Sofia. Hard to recognize with all scratches in her face, bloodstained, bruised. Infusions on both wrists. Her left shoulder and arm looked like something was wrong. The position they were in wasn't natural.

"What happened?"

"We assume she was close to the explosion, was thrown through the air, hit by several objects, some of the were sharp. Her luck was that she was found and taken here ASAP. Your mother did an incredible job, Jules."

"Glad to hear that. She said if Sofia survives the night and the next day she'll be okay."

"She lost a lot of blood and is critical. We need to get her into her room otherwise we endanger her."

"Okay. Thanks Amy." Jules pulled Sara carefully away from the bed. Time to let go of Sofia.

"No. Sofia!" She hadn't hold Sofia's hand, hadn't touched her. They couldn't take her away before she kissed her and told her she was there, everything would be fine if her lover only fought. She had to tell her to fight. Tell her to be strong. That she was here, ready for her to be there if she needed her.

"You can't go with her, not now. Let them take care of her, otherwise you only harm her, Sara."

"Why can't I go with her?"

"They have to connect her with the machine to keep her alive."

"Why can't I stay and watch? I won't do anything Jules, I promise."

"You can't. Not now. Maybe later. Let them do their job, they have to go to other people. Come on, we go to the café next door. As soon as we can see her they will let us know. Mom will call me."

"She's busy."

"Very busy. But you will know when you can see Sofia. Come on, we get out of here and then you call Sofia's parents. They want to see her too and they worry. You can tell them she's out of surgery."

"I've to call Don, Kyle and Lynn too. And Greg."

"See, you can talk in the café." Jules guided Sara out of the hospital. Under different circumstances she would have stayed and talk to a few patients, comfort them but she was too afraid to leave Sara alone. She felt her friend was on the edge and when something made her lose the rest of balance she had, it could end badly for her. Especially because Jules was sure Sara hadn't realized everything she saw, hadn't fully understood how badly Sofia was injured and with which consequences.


	5. Chapter 5

"I still can't reach Don, Kyle or Lynn." Sara sighed. Were her friends injured too? Or just too busy to answer their phones? To the fear because of Sofia added new fear. What if her anything really bad happened to her friends?

"You talked on their mail box?"

"Yes. Several times. Maybe I should call the police station and ask for them."

"They'll be busy, every cop, fire fighter, doctor and nurse in the city will be busy."

"And still there are no answers. So far the news couldn't answer any question. Not why somebody did this, who did it, how many people are affected by it, what will happen next, will there be more than one attack?" Right now Sara regretted that she wasn't working in the law enforcement anymore. As a CSI she could be at the scene, get answers, see people she couldn't reach now – and wouldn't have any time to be with Sofia, to look after her.

"Greg is on his way." Jules had called Greg while Sara tried to reach her friends in Los Angeles.

"What?"

"He takes the next flight to be here with you."

"Doesn't he have to work?"

"Some things are more important than work."

"Sofia's parents are almost here. They sent me a message they're looking for a place to park their car somewhere around. Apparently half of the city is here to get treatment or look for somebody who gets treatment."

"All hospitals around will be overloaded."

"I want to see her, Jules."

"Soon. Give them and her a little bit more time. You won't be able to talk to her until tomorrow or the day after tomorrow."

"I can sit next to her bed, hold her hand, be with her, make her feel I'm there, that she isn't alone. It would help her when I'm around, when she feels, I'm with her."

"If it's possible and won't cause any danger to her I will ask my mother if you can stay with her. But if her status doesn't allow you around you have to stay away."

"How can I be bad for her? How can I endanger her recovery when I sit next to her bed? I can wear hospital clothes, disinfect myself, whatever it takes."

"Some rules can't be bend."

"I hate rules."

"Right now you hate everything and everybody who doesn't get you to Sofia."

"Desperation."

"Waste of energy." Jules caught a tear from Sara's cheek and lifted her head with her index finger. "Tears help to get through bad times, they help letting bad feelings out. Do you need some arms to hold you?"

"No." Sara climbed onto Jules lap and snuggled into her arms. "I don't want another session. We ended them a long time ago." Until today. Right now Jules used all her knowledge as a therapist to help Sara. Every little thing she learnt in university, during the years as a therapist, all was used to help. To make Sara keep the faith, keep her strong.

"Honey, you never had a session on my lap and nobody will ever have on there." Stroking softly over Sara's back there was only a bit of relaxation in the body. Too many tensions, too many fears. "Why don't you try your breathing exercise?"

"Breathing exercise doesn't give me Sofia back."

"No, but it will make you lose some tensions. Give it a try, if it doesn't work you haven't lost anything."

"Can I have a bourbon? Double without ice."

"You won't touch any alcohol until my daughter sits next to you at your barbecue and shares the drink with you. Am I clear?"

"Marie!" Sara jumped off Jules's lap and hugged Sofia's mother. Captain Curtis was here. Finally. With the mother of her lover by her side everything had to turn good. "I'm glad you're here."

"I wish I weren't because then everything would be all right with my baby. How is she? Where is she? Why aren't you with her? We were told she's here."

"No, they took her to a room. They sent me away, I saw her when she came out of surgery."

"They sent you away? We need a serious conversation with them – and with you. Why are you with another woman?"

"Huh? Oh, Captain Curtis may I introduce you to Doctor Weinberg."

"A doctor? Isn't there enough work for a doctor around? Do you have to hit on my daughter-in-law?"

"I don't hit on my former patient." Jules said calmly.

"She used to be my therapist, Marie. Greg's girlfriend. Sofia's and my friend. Jules told me that Sofia is here, her mother did the operation and without Jules I had never seen Sofia. She was my ticket in."

"So you're not a medical doctor."

"No, I'm a therapist."

"Are there any reasons why you stick with Sara? This close."

"You mean beside the fact that you don't leave a friend alone in a situation like this? Am I so close to her because we're having an affair? Or I use her vulnerability and try to get her into my arms?"

"Could you both sit down and stop fighting? That's the last thing Sofia needs now." Sara sat down. Almost all of her energy was gone by now, if she found herself in the middle of a fight between Marie and Jules it would take the rest of power away, she had saved to see Sofia again.

"Sara."

"Marc." She hugged Sofia's father. The calm part of the family.

"Sorry, I needed to park the car first. How is Sofia?"

"Out of surgery, still critical. She lost a lot of blood. Her doctor said, when she survives the night and tomorrow she'll live."

"What happened to her?"

"Apparently the explosion blew her away, she had to been close to the Hollywood and Highland Center."

"I watched the news on my cell phone, are there any messages from the people who did that? Does LAPD know if other places are at risk too?"

"We have no idea."

"There are doctors, fire fighter and police officers from all around on their way to L.A.. We saw some of the Vegas guys. When can we see Sofia?"

"We wanted to wait until you're here before we try it again." Sara looked at Jules. "Do you think we can try to see her?"

"It's worth a try but they could send you away." They got up and followed Jules. The psychologist knew where Sofia was, to which ward they had taken her.

"Nobody sends me away when my baby is suffering!"

"I'm afraid my mother would dare you if she believes it's better for Sofia."

"Her mother is like you Marie."

"What do you mean with that Sara?"

"She's scary. And strong minded. I'm afraid when you try to push her too much she'll kick us all out. It's her hospital."

"And Sofia is my daughter."

Sara looked at Jules. She remembered a moment when Sofia and Jules talked about their mothers and their hope both women would never meet. From Sara's point of view they either would kill each other or form a bond. She hoped for the second possibility.

* * *

"They don't let us in? Maybe I've to get my weapon."

"Marie, calm down or you will never be allowed to see our daughter." Marc put his arm around his wife. The nurse denied their wish to see Sofia. She was unconscious and needed to rest. No visitors until the next day.

"Calm down? She's our daughter."

"Yes and when you start a fight they will keep us away from her."

"I'm her mother, I've a right to know how she is, what happened to her."

"There are no doctors and nurses available at the moment, they have to take care of all the injured people. We saw the pictures of the scene, you, as a cop, know best how messy it is there, how much damaged happened and what the explosion can do to people. There are more parents like us waiting for any news of their kid and some parent's children are in surgery right now. If the doctors talk to us, they can't save other parent's children. Leave your weapon where it is."

Sara felt like supporting Marie with her idea of shooting their way free to Sofia. No matter how stupid the idea was, the thought of being held away from her lover for a couple more hours made her feel sick, mad and angry. Again and again she clenched her fist, took deep breaths.

"You threaten my nurses and doctors once more and you will find yourself arrested by the security team!"

No need to look up, Sara knew this voice. And she could hear how pissed doctor Bendler was. There it was, the meeting of the mothers. Not the way they imagined it, it was worse. Both were in a war mood.

"Mom, that's Sofia's mother…"

"I can see that, Jules. It doesn't change a damn thing. Sofia needs to rest, no visitors for today and when her vitals aren't better tomorrow there won't be any guests tomorrow. If you want to do something for your daughter go and donate blood, that's what she needs. Am I clear, Captain Curtis?"

"You want to send me away?" So far Sara had seen scenes like this only on Discovery Channel, when they showed fights of alpha male animals. Now she had her own front row seat in the fight of the human women about the power and the last word. And she wasn't sure if this fight would be over without blood and fists.

"No, I don't want, I do send you away."

"You…"

"Marie." Marc got between the two women and for this very moment he was the bravest man on earth for Sara. Stepping between Zeus and Hades. Who was who was a question she didn't want to think of. "Doctor Bendler wants the best for our daughter, just like we do. If it's better for her not to have any visitors around we will accept that because we want her getting well soon, don't we?"

"I want to know what happened to our daughter! We're her parents we have a damn right to know what's going on, what happened to her and how she is."

"And we don't have the time to discuss everything with you. Stay out or the security men will throw you out. Jules, with me."

"Yes Ma'am."

"You can't…" The door was closed before Marie could enter the ward. "I don't believe this. What is this woman thinking?"

"She's the boss of the ward, she takes care of her doctors and nurses and you, as a potential threat, have to stay out. Why don't we have a seat and wait until somebody has the time to talk with us about Sofia?"

"How many hours do you want to wait?"

"As many as it takes. I waited once a lot of hours for her and I will do it again." He pushed his wife down onto a chair. "You know Sara, when Marie was due and in labor Sofia took her time. We went to hospital at six in the morning and it wasn't until six in the evening when we could finally see our daughter. She was never good with being on time."

"As a teenager she was never on time, especially when it came to the time she was supposed to be back home. I've no idea how often we grounded her."

"You."

"Yeah me, I was always the bad one while you spoiled her, daddy's little girl."

"Sometimes you have more success when you're not this hard on somebody. Some people are more willing to do what you ask them to do when you don't threaten them."

"People need rules otherwise everybody does what they want."

"Not everybody is a criminal."

"No but there are a lot of criminals, like the guys who did whatever to our baby, and those people have to be punished. Hard. I'd like to squeeze the life out of them with my bare hands."

"Sara?" Jules's head popped out of the door.

"Yes?"

"Can you come in please?"

"Sure."

"What is going on?" Marie wanted to know.

"I've no idea." Sara's sad eyes met Maries for a second. Whatever she was supposed to do it got her closer to Sofia.

"You know what this is?" Jules held up a sheet of paper.

"No."

"It belongs to Sofia, tells everybody no matter what happens to her she wants you around. Mom won't allow anybody to stay with her but she's willing to let you in the room for a minute. Not more. A minute. You can't hold her hand, you can't touch her in any way. All you can do is have a look and go out. Can you manage that?"

Sara swallowed. No physical contact to Sofia? Not even hold her hand? That was hard. But the best she could get.

"Yes."

"I will be with you."

"What about her parents?"

"After the show of Sofia's mother they have to wait, my mother is really angry with Captain Curtis. But I got the medical record and will talk to them after we saw Sofia. Sara, it's important that you promise you will stay next to me, no matter what happens, no matter what you see."

"Why? What do you know that I don't know?"

"Promise first, Sara."

"Jules!"

"No Sara, first I need your word. I know you don't break your word."

"Okay." Sara knew when Jules asked for her word and stayed with her, there was something that Sara didn't like. Something really bad.

"Come on." Jules took Sara's hand and guided her to a room. There was no name on the sign next to the door, probably because nobody had the time to put one up. Without knocking Jules opened the door quietly and stepped inside, Sara next to her.

Sofia lay in her bed, pale, connected to a lot of tubes. Sara felt how her heart ached, how it broke and how she had problems to breathe and swallow. If the machines didn't tell her how often the heart beat of the blonde, she would bet Sofia wasn't alive anymore. She certainly didn't look alive. There were still blood stains in her face, wherever there was skin visible it was bruised and scratched. This wasn't a woman after a successful surgery, this was a woman who needed a doctor.

"Oh god." Jules held Sara's hand tighter. "Are there any internal injuries? Your mother said Sofia was blown away from the explosion."

"Yes. We get to that later when we we're out with her parents."

Sara couldn't take her eyes off her lover. She looked… heartbreaking. Her Sofia, her lover, her life. Bruised and bloody. There was a lot of skin missing on her right arm, some of it hung down. Apparently there was no time to fix it, nothing that threatens her life. Nobody cared about beauty on a day like today. Scars. There would be a lot of scars, not only visible. To her it didn't matter if there were scars on the arm of her lover, all that matters was Sofia was alive and would survive. She was the most beautiful woman for Sara, nothing could change that.

"Jules?"

"Yes."

"What happened to her left leg?" Now Sara saw there was something wrong with Sofia's left leg. It looked bigger than the right one and somehow different.

This was the fact and the moment Jules had been afraid of, the reason why she wanted the promise of her friend to stay with her. The words she had to say now would hurt more than anything else she ever heard. And there was no way to say the truth with nice words, in a comforting way.

"Thru the explosion something sharp cut into her left lower leg, just under the knee. A long cut, almost to her ankle. It cut off most of her leg, they had to perform an amputation to stop the bleeding, there was no chance to save the leg."

"What?" Sofia lost half of her leg? They amputated it? This couldn't be true.

"I'm sorry Sara. They did what they could but all they could do was saving her life. The bones and most of the muscles were separated, parts of them were missing, they had no other chance. In order to stop the bleeding they amputate what was left of the leg. Otherwise she would be dead."

"She…they…oh god…"

Jules pulled Sara in her arms. When she tried to push her out of the room Sara resisted.

"No! I don't want to leave!"

"Sara, you can't stay. You promised. One minute. We need to get out, let Sofia rest."

"There's…"

"Please. If you stay they will call security and then you won't see her until she's awake. There is nothing you can do for her, she felt you here, she knows you're with her but now she has to concentrate on recover."

"What? Recover? Did you see her? She can't recover from an amputation."

"I know." Jules closed the door behind them. "Come on, we go back to her parents. Do you want to walk alone or shall I support you?"

"I can walk! I've both legs."

"Okay." Jules kept an eye on Sara who walked unsteady. She knew the brunette needed a moment to get through the shock. That there was something wrong with Sofia's leg did Jules realize when she saw her after surgery. Knowing the expertise of her mother and being around the hospital for many years she knew where to look. And when they talked about a lot of loss of blood it was mostly a bigger wound. The unusual shape of Sofia's left leg made her suspect nothing good.

"Did you see Sofia?" Marie jumped up when she saw Sara.

"Yes." Taking the arms of the older woman as support the brunette leant into the woman, tried to get some energy, keep herself together.

"How is she? Did you talk to a doctor? Why weren't we allowed to see her?"

"Because you fought with the doctor in charge." Jules sat down, resisted the impulse to pull Sara on her lap but took her hand when she sat next to her. "It's never wise to fight with somebody who can deny you a wish. You should know that as a captain. When your officers fight with you, you don't do them favors. Sofia has a document that says she wants Sara around when something happens to her. That was why she was allowed to see her for a minute, not longer."

"Do you have any information how she is?"

"Yes. I had a look in her file."

"She lost her lower left leg." Sara said soundless.

"What?" Marie stared at her.

"It's gone."

"Thru severe damage to her leg, something cut into it from below the knee to the ankle and separated most of the leg, the bones and most muscles, they had no other choice than remove this part to stop the bleeding. Sofia had lost over two liters already because of this injury, they had to make a decision. If they had tried to save the leg it was very likely that it had cost her life.

The left shoulder is dislocated, the left arm is broken. There's a lot of damage to the right leg, mostly cuts but it's not broken. Something sharp got into her lower abdomen, was removed but damaged the appendix and spleen. They removed the appendix and fixed the spleen. There was blood in her stomach, they have to find out where it comes from.

Not to mention that there are various scratches, bruises and wounds that haven't been treated yet because there's no time for it. I will contact Amanda and ask her to have a look after Sofia, she must be somewhere and she can treat the basics. I doubt anybody here has the time to worry about the little things right now. I'd do it myself but I'm not trained for it.

From what I've seen so far it's very likely they'll keep Sofia in an artificial coma for a little while. This way her body can start recovering. And she will need more blood so if you donate blood for your daughter it would be helpful. In fact we should all go and donate blood, they will need a lot. There are a lot of people who lost a lot of blood. It's the best thing we can do at the moment."

"When can we see Sofia?"

"Not today. If my mother is in a good mood tomorrow."

"We have a right to see her, she's our daughter."

"And she has a right to send people away, she's the doctor. Her word counts more in this building. Please don't fight with her, she can be very stubborn and won't do you a tiny favor if you try to tell her what to do."

"Why don't we go and donate some blood and think about what to do next after that?" Marc said. He was tired and didn't want his wife to fight a war she couldn't win. Sometimes you had no other choice than listen to people, even when you didn't like what they said.


	6. Chapter 6

When her cell phone rang Sara had for a second the hope it was Sofia, calling her from her room. Then she saw the ID and despite the fact that she was relieved there was some disappointment that it wasn't her lover.

"Hey Don, where are you?"

"I'm in hospital, don't worry it's nothing serious."

"What is nothing serious?" She wasn't sure anymore what was serious and what not. Today seemed have changed the meaning of these definitions. And most times people told you it was nothing serious only to keep you calm.

"A broken arm, a few bruises, a dislocated shoulder. Have you heard anything of the others?"

That wasn't life threatening but also no small injuries. Or on a day like today maybe they count as small injuries. "Nothing from Kyle and Lynn so far."

"Sofia?"

"She's in hospital."

"How bad is it? You're with her, aren't you?" He felt she tried to hold back information.

"Yes, I am. It's very, very bad. They…" Sara swallowed. Her voice was gone. "They're not sure if she makes it… she…shit." She handed the phone over to Jules, jumped up and left the table. Like many other people they had taken a seat in a café and waited for any news. Everywhere were people on the phone, crying, trying to calm other people, with hope, fear or desperation written all over their face.

"Don, here's Jules, how are you?"

"Hey, I'm okay, nothing that won't heal. What is with Sofia? Where's Sara?"

"Sara needs some time to work through all the things that happened in the last hours. Sofia is pretty bad injured, lost a lot of blood and is still critical. They had to perform an amputation of her lower left leg. There are several other injuries the doctor hadn't taken care of because they're not life threatening and there're too many injured people. Where are you?"

"Beverly Hills. I was on the north side of the building when it exploded."

"Do you stay there or shall we get you home?"

"First I need my treatment. Because my injuries aren't life threatening I'm in the ER and have to wait. Guess it looks the same where you are. Where are you by the way?"

"Hollywood, where my mom works. She called me when she saw Sofia."

"Is she her doctor?"

"She was, yes."

"At least Sofia was in good hands. I try to reach Kyle and Lynn, if I get them I let you know. Do you give me a call when there's something new from Sofia?"

"Of course. And Don, her parents are here and Greg should be here any time soon. We can get you if you don't want to sit alone."

"There's a reason why they took me here. I'm sure your hospital is as busy as mine and can't use more patients. When they're done with me I call you, maybe Greg can get me home. My injuries won't qualify me for a bed and I can't drive without my car."

"You can't drive at all with a broken arm and a dislocated shoulder. Call me when you need a ride, okay?"

"I will. Take care of Sara and say hi to Sofia's parents. I'm with you ASAP."

"Okay. Take care, Don."

"You too."

She ended the call and had a look for Sara. There she was, on the other side of the building, looking out of a window, watching the hospital like she could have a look through the walls into the room of her lover. There were still ambulances rushing in and out, meant there were still a lot of injured people around. They hadn't checked the news the last hour. The last time they had a look the reporter talked about two hundred dead people and almost five hundred injured. Helper from San Diego, Las Vegas and the cities north of Los Angeles arrived and supported their colleagues here. They saw buses loaded with doctors and nurses from Santa Barbara, Bakersfield, Barstow and other cities.

"Don is all right, he is in a hospital in Beverly Hills, a broken arm, dislocated shoulder, nothing to worry about. He will come over as soon as they've fixed him. Or more, he calls so we can get him."

"Good to know." Marie looked at Sara. "When will you do your therapist magic on help her?"

"When she's ready for it. It's not magic, I can't do anything for her as long as she isn't ready for it. At the moment there's too much pain."

"Would it help all of us to go home?"

"It won't take your mind of Sofia, it won't let you have a good night sleep, it won't relax you. Greg will make a detour to their home, look after the dogs and come here. They will call us when there's something new but I doubt we'll hear anything before the morning. We can go home, it's more comfortable than the café but it's further away from Sofia."

"I want to be close to her."

"We all do."

"Marc?"

"I think doctor Weinberg is right, we can't do anything and we won't be allowed to see her before the morning, probably later."

"My mother will let us know when we can see her. She takes care of Sofia."

"What about all the other injuries? Apart from the leg. You said there are several others."

"They will take of them tomorrow. There will be scars but they would be there anyway. As long as she isn't completely taken care of, she'll be in the artificial coma to reduce the pain."

"Do you think you can make Sara go home?"

"I can try." Jules got up. "Do you go too?" When Sofia's parents agreed on going home it was something Jules could use.

"Yes. There's nothing we can do from here."

"No, there isn't." Jules walked towards Sara. "Don tries to get Kyle and Lynn, he calls again when he reached them. And when he needs a lift back home."

"Okay."

"Sara, I know you want to be close to Sofia…"

"I won't go anywhere without her, Jules."

"We can't take her with us, we can't see her the next hours. I know you won't sleep but we should go home. There are dogs waiting for you and you could use at least some…some quiet time. Lie down, close your eyes and give your body a chance for some rest. Otherwise you will end up in hospital too."

"Who cares? It doesn't make a difference."

"Here are three people who care and if we don't count, there's a woman who loves you and wants you healthy. If you don't do it for yourself do it for Sofia. She wouldn't want you in hospital because you're too exhausted. It's not a help when you are in hospital too. Quite the opposite. When she worries about you, it will take longer until she's fine again. My mother will let us know as soon as anything changes and when we can see her."

"What about her parents?"

"They come with us."

"When anything happens we're not there for her."

"Sara, if anything happens you won't be there anyway because you're here. You're not in her room, you have to wait. Do it at home. If you want I stay with you."

"Don't you need your sleep? Don't you have patients tomorrow?"

"Yes I do. You can send me to your bed and wake me up when you need me."

"Who said I want you in my bed?"

"Want me in Sofia's bed?"

"She would have liked that at one point."

"Well, now she wants you and only you. Come on, we call Greg and tell him, he can stay at your place. Maybe he is already there."

"Your mom calls as soon as there's anything new?" It felt wrong to. Like she left Sofia alone with her pain. Her lover experienced the hardest time of her life at the moment and Sara left her. This felt so wrong. Like she betrayed her.

"Yes. We come back here if there's anything new. But bear in mind, it's best for Sofia when mom doesn't call. No call means Sofia sleeps, everything is the way it's best for her."

"Does doctor Luria look after her?"

"She did already. Took care of the smaller wounds, checked on her. They take care of her, now it's time you take care of yourself, make sure the lieutenant has a girlfriend who is in a good shape when she wakes up."

"Okay." Sara wasn't happy with the idea of going home but she knew there was nothing she could do from here. All she did was staring at the hospital building, biting her nails, pacing around and mumbling words.

* * *

Greg pulled Sara into his arms she couldn't hold back her tears and started crying. Dozens of tears paired with sobs, shivers and trembles overcame her, made it impossible to control her body. No matter if she tried to stop or hold back, she wasn't able to control herself and did the only thing she could do: she held on to her friend, let him hold her, take care of her. All the pressure, all the pain, all the fear had to get out.

"Everything will be all right, everything will be all right." Greg lifted Sara up, carried her to the couch and sat down with her. Gently he stroke her back, tried to comfort her a little bit.

"She's…she's…they amputated her lower left leg."

"I know. It will piss her off. But do you know what would have pissed her off even more?" He kissed her hair and cheeks.

"What?"

"Dying not being able to spend more time with you. I'm sure when somebody asks her later, if she prefers to be dead with her complete leg or alive with you, she'll pick you. She loves you and she wants more time with you. More than anything else."

"What if she dies anyway?" Sofia's life wasn't saved, it was on the edge and nobody gave them a guarantee the blonde woke up the next day or the day after tomorrow. Or at all. They were hold in a nimbus – the same place where Sofia's life. Somewhere in between.

"Hey, we're talking about our lieutenant, she's a fighter. She'll survive and be with us soon. Trust your girlfriend. You have her back in no time."

"I'm so scared Greg."

"We are all scared. That's no reason not to believe in her. She's strong."

"I love her."

"She knows that. Another reason why she will survive. Look who is here." Greg took Sara's hand and put it on Scooby's head. Both dogs gathered around them, quietly whining like they knew something was very wrong.

"Oh guys." Sara slipped from Greg's lap on the ground and buried her face in the hair of the dogs, holding on them. Sofia's dog. A part of Sofia. Something of her lover she could hold.

"Anything new?" Greg pulled Jules in his arms and kissed her. Today he had greeted Sara before his girlfriend.

"No. Mom will call when there's something new."

"Good. Are you working tomorrow?"

"Yes. I don't feel like it but I'm sure this was a huge shock for most of my patients and I will be very busy." Especially when some lost a family member or friend today. Or had experienced something similar and were reminded of it now.

"Mhm, you should go to bed and get some sleep. It's after midnight. I take care of Sara."

"Don is in a hospital in Beverly Hills, broken arm, dislocated shoulder."

"If he needs a lift I get him home."

"Thanks. You must be tired too."

"I'm a nightshift person, I'm all right. Go to bed, Sara's room is prepared." Greg always slept in Sara's bed when he was here. After Jules called him that they were on their way back home, he prepared the bed, knowing if Sara would go to bed, it was Sofia's bed. They always slept in the blonde's room.

"What about Sofia's parents?"

"Like Sara I doubt I get them to bed but if they want to rest, there's bedding next to the couch. Come on Jules, I take you upstairs."

"I try to get some sleep, if there's something wake me up, please. I leave my cell phone with you in case the hospital calls me." Jules handed her cell phone over to Marie. "Sleep would be better for all of us."

"Thanks for everything, doctor Weinberg."

"You're welcome, I did what a friend does for another friend. I'm to leave you alone now but I can't cancel my appointment tomorrow, not after a day like today."

"Of course."

"Sara, try to get some rest." Jules stroke over Sara's hair. She would have liked it when Sara took some medicine to calm down, have some sleep but the brunette denied her request.

"I can't. Thanks Jules."

"When you need me, I'm in your bed."

"I'll be right back." Greg pulled his girlfriend softly out of the room. It was time for the therapist to get some rest to be fit the next day.

"Twenty-four hours ago everything was all right. Sofia was here, we were in bed, I was in her arms and we both slept. I had weird dreams last night, we were in the Universal Studios and somebody stopped us because he wanted Sofia for his movie. When he put down his shades I saw it was Steven Spielberg. So crazy. I mean it's absolutely unlikely that you wait in a row for your action thrill ride and one of the most important and famous producer of all time comes up to you and wants you in his new movie. He said, she was so beautiful, she had to be a movie star, everything would be wasted talent.

Guess what she said to him." Sara turned and looked at Marc.

"She can't take the offer because she loves her job too much?"

"No, she told him if he wants her to be his movie star he had to write in the contract I can be with her all the time and every where. And she knew she was beautiful."

"She always knew she is beautiful."

"Yeah, she knows it and she showed it. A reason why we had some problems when we first met. I thought she's very arrogant and smug."

"Most people get this impression from her when they don't know her."

"I was blind too. Why did it take me so long to find out how wonderful she is? If she hadn't seen my name on the list of suspects two years ago we had never met."

"There's a reason why she saw your name, why she was assigned to work your case. Somebody gave you a second chance."

"How many chances do you get in life? What if that chance was our last?"

"Fate wanted you together, it won't take her away from you."

"Maybe fate wanted us together for a short time, to show both of us what we missed out in Las Vegas."

"I don't believe so, Sara." Marc pulled Sara in his arms. "Sofia will be fine and you and her will spend a lot of time together. She loves you, she won't let anybody take this away from her. No matter what."


	7. Chapter 7

**Tuesday, June 7th**

A hand was placed on her shoulder and Sara flinched. She hadn't been asleep, only closed her eyes for a few moments to relax, give her eyes a rest. They burnt from the tears.

"Anything new?"

"No, I checked my cell phone, no message. I send her a text that she should call you when there's something new. And your phone number is in the computer, when the nurse has news, she will call you. I need to go home to be in the office on time. When you want and need it, doctor Luria will make some time for you." Jules stroke softly over Sara's back before she checked her pulse.

"There's nothing your cousin can do for me."

There were a lot of things her therapist could try to do for Sara, the problem was, the brunette didn't want this kind of help. She didn't want any help for herself, she wanted help for Sofia. Everything else didn't make any sense to her.

"Okay. You have my phone number, call me if there's anything I can do. Don isn't back home, he must still be waiting for his treatment."

"I call him later. Thanks Jules." Sara had a look around. Sofia's parents lay half on the couch, arm in arm and were asleep, Greg wasn't there nor were the dogs. Probably he was out with them. Her friend took care of all the things she should take care of. After a look at her cell phone she made the decision it was time to take a shower. If the hospital called she wanted to be ready. And when she was allowed to see Sofia she didn't want to smell like old coffee, sweat, tears and whatever else.

With wet hair she came back into the kitchen and found Greg with some fresh coffee.

"Good morning."

"Morning." He pulled her in his arms. "You look tired."

"I am. Have you been out with the dogs?"

"Yes, I woke Jules up and took them for a run around the reservoir. They feel something is wrong, they barely touched their food and weren't happy to be away from the house."

"They're missing Sofia."

"Jules told me she doesn't look good."

"She looks…heartbreaking. Like somebody beat her up and left her to die…Like you when I saw you the day on the streets after the gang got you." The picture of Greg on the ground came back to her mind and a gave her heart a painful sting. Her Greg on the ground, the fear what happened to him, if he was alive, if he would be fine. Sofia had been there, had told her he'd be all right. Now Greg was here and told her the same.

"And she lost half of her left leg."

"Yes. I'm scared she can't cope with it."

"It will be a shock, it will change her life but she will be fine because she still has you."

"Do you think I'm more important than her leg?"

"If I remember correctly she said her life has no sense without you and was suicidal when you were gone for a few days. So yes I'm very sure you're more important than her leg. I bet she would give both legs to keep you. Can you love her with only and a half leg?"

"Are you kidding me? Do you really think my love to Sofia has anything to do with her legs?" What a stupid question was that? Of course Sara loved Sofia with one and a half leg. She was her girlfriend, her everything.

"No."

"Good. I want to go back to hospital and see her."

"Do you believe you're allowed to see her?"

"I don't know. Maybe when I annoy them enough they give in and let me see her."

"Or they kick you out and won't let you see her any time soon." Greg knew Jules's mother, knew it wasn't a good idea to annoy her. Especially not when she had worked more than a double or a triple shift.

"She needs me."

"She needs you when she's awake. Right now she needs medical attention."

"Are these your words or the words of your girlfriend?"

"Since when don't you trust her anymore?"

"I do trust her."

"Good. She tries everything to get you to Sofia."

"Yes." Sara was aware of that. Without Jules she hadn't seen Sofia yesterday, it was her former therapist who made it possible. "Did she get some sleep?"

"A little bit."

"How long can you stay?"

"Grissom gave me three days off but if you need me I can stay longer."

"You should move to Los Angeles, your girlfriend isn't happy with the long distance relationship, she misses you."

"Did she say that?"

"No need to say it, I can see it. Besides when I imagine Sofia lives in Vegas and I here, the first thing on my list would be a move."

"I take your advice."

"Which advice?" Marc came into the kitchen.

"Sara told me to move to Vegas so I can be with my girlfriend."

"She's right. Or your girlfriend has to move."

"It's easier for me to move, I don't have my own office. Plus I can work with your daughter again."

"If she continues to be a lieutenant."

"Can you imagine Sofia in any other job?"

"The question is can she imagine herself as a lieutenant any longer."

"Sofia is strong!" Marie said. "When she wants to be a lieutenant or a captain she can make it. People go skiing with one leg, they climb mountains, there's no reason why she shouldn't be able to fulfill all her dreams." She poured herself some coffee in the mug. "Eat something, Sara."

"I'm not hungry."

"Neither am I. That doesn't change the fact that our bodies need food. I make vegetarian omelet and hash brown, you will sit down and eat it otherwise we won't take you with us. Sofia would tell you to eat, do her the favor and eat, take care of yourself."

"You sound like her."

"Surprise, I'm her mother. What you see now is what you'll get in twenty-five years. And yes, you will be by her side in twenty-five years because you're the one she had been waiting for all her years. Believe me, after nightmares like this model actress alley cat I'm glad she found a woman who cares for her, who loves her. I won't let you leave her nor will I allow her to leave you."

"Sofia mentioned you weren't a fan of Ellen."

"Was that her name? I never understood why Sofia chose her."

"Why did you not scare her away?"

"Believe me, if Sofia had taken her to our house I had thrown her out. And make her jump because I shot a few rounds in the ground next to her."

"I was sure you'd do the same with me." Sara remembered the evening they drove to Vegas. At one point, when Sofia let her drive, she was close to turn the car and drive back to Los Angeles.

"No. I like you Sara, it didn't take a lot to see you love her. That's what important for a mother. Of course, as a captain you'd be better but a ranger…at least you have a service weapon." Marie smiled a bit.

"I haven't used it. Plus since this summer I'm allowed to guide my own tours. When you visit me I can show you around."

"I should do that when Sofia is out of hospital. Fresh air is good when you have to recover."

"Should we call them…?"

"They won't give us any information. Doctor Weinberg organized everything for us, we should eat and go there after breakfast. Even when being sensible sucks big times."

"It does." Sara sighed. One thing was for sure, she wouldn't go home before she hadn't seen Sofia. So it was sensible to eat something.

* * *

"Your daughter is still in a critical status."

"How critical?"

"Due to the blood loss her body isn't fully able to fight. At the moment she can't survive without machines." The nurse answered patiently. Sara, Marie, Marc and Greg were back at the hospital. It was late morning and they couldn't stay at home any longer. There had been no phone call, no message.

"Can we see her?"

"I'm sorry that's not possible right now."

"When will it be possible?"

"Maybe tonight, depends on how her status is."

"How can it hurt when we have a short look at her?"

"She has open wounds, you can bring in bacteria that can kill her. For a healthy person a little infection isn't anything to worry about, for your daughter it's life threatening at the moment."

Sara wanted to argue that she had seen Sofia yesterday for a minute but she was quiet. This information could get Jules and whoever allowed her to have this minute in trouble.

"When will she wake up?" So far Sara had let Marie talk, she was tired of fighting and not getting anywhere.

"I doubt she'll get out of artificial coma today."

"Is it possible to be with her when she wakes up? She …she will need somebody when she realizes she lost half of her leg." In the most difficult situation of her life Sara didn't want to leave her lover alone. And she was sure Sofia didn't want a doctor around. A shrink who tried to tell her life was beautiful.

"That's a decision of the doctor. Doctor Bendler will let you know when it's time for that."

"Can't we do anything for her?"

"Have you donated blood?"

"Yes. Shall we do it again?"

"That wouldn't be good for you."

"You send us away to wait?" Why didn't they realize waiting was the worst thing to do? Sitting somewhere, not being able to do anything, to help, occupy your mind, made you crazy. Every second felt like an eternity.

"Sorry, there's nothing you can do right now."

Frustrated they turned and walked away. Nothing they could do. How long were they supposed to wait? And to make sure they don't bring any bacteria inside the room, they could wear hospital clothes. Where there's a will there's a way.

"Back into the café?" Marc asked.

"Actually I'd prefer to stay outside. We can get the dogs and take them for a walk." Scooby and Rantanplan needed them. They suffered like they did and couldn't ask where Sofia was, didn't understand why she wasn't there.

"That's a good idea. Sara?"

"Yeah, we have to make sure they're fine. They feel something is wrong…" Her cell phone rang. A text from Don. _After a night on a hard chair my arm and shoulder are fixed and ready to be taken home. Anybody available for a lift or shall I take a taxi? Any news from Sofia?_

"Don is fixed, I get him home. Shall we meet at the dog park? When you get around the reservoir first it should work out with the time."

"Okay."

"Shall I come with you?" Greg offered. He didn't feel good thinking of Sara alone in the car.

"No, thanks. I think these few minutes alone will be good for me." She hugged him. They drove in two cars to the hospital in case one had to go somewhere else.

"Be on time or I will worry." He kissed her. "Say hi to Don and ask him about Kyle." After midnight Don had sent them a text message that Lynn was all right. She had been one of the officers who secured the scene while there was a shoot out. So far they hadn't heard anything of Kyle. Somebody else to worry about. It wasn't a good sign their friend didn't answer his phone.

"Will do." Sara took her car keys and left the others.

Some time to think. So many things had happened the last hours. Yesterday at this time everything was fine, nobody thought of anything like this could ever happen. Sara remembered that had been annoyed because of a bus with tourists was on her way back from work and made her be late. Maybe the same tourists had been around the Hollywood and Highland Center in the afternoon.

She turned on the radio. Since the explosion there was nothing else on. Two hundred and fifty dead people, six hundred injured. The whole Hollywood and Highland Center was destroyed. All seventy-five shops with numberless people inside, the Chinese Theatre, the Metro Line was damaged, there were so many things that were gone now. And even more lives. Fire fighters, doctors and other rescue teams were still working on recovering people, dead and alive. Since 9/11 Sara hadn't seen such a senseless scenery of destruction made by human hands. For no reason.

So far nobody had contacted the police, the press or uploaded a message to the internet about the explosion. According to the news reporter investigator have no idea why somebody blew away the Theatre and most of the Center. Usually there was always somebody who took the responsibility for those things, somebody who let the world know why it happened. Having a reason why didn't mean you understand why but it gives you something. Anything is better than nothing.

Early in the morning she called her boss, told him about Sofia and asked for the next two or three days off. Lucky for her he gave her the time off, knowing she wasn't able to concentrate with the life of her partner on the edge. They were thinking about closing the forest for the next days and help with the recovery. After all they had people who were trained in finding people after every year people got lost in Angels National Forest too.

Don was outside, his arm in a cast. There were bruises on his face, scratches too and he didn't walk properly. When he saw her car he walked straight up to her.

"Don." She didn't bother to turn off the car, put it on park, jumped out and hugged him carefully.

"Hey, ouch."

"Sorry."

"It's all right. How is Sofia?"

"Still not stable."

"Shit."

"Kyle?"

"At the scene. He was lucky, when the building exploded he was far away, his car was stuck in traffic so they arrived later. He has some scratches, got checked by the medicals, took some pills and keeps going. Can you get me to the department?"

"You want to work?"

"Yes. We need everybody."

"Don, your arm…"

"Is broken, I know. That won't stop me from sitting in an office and do whatever I can do with my arm and shoulder. If it's reading papers or work on the computer I'll do it. Better than nothing, than sitting at home."

"Did you sleep?" She was the last one who should tell him to have some rest. After she didn't sleep the whole night she wasn't in position to give him advices.

"A little bit. I promise I call when I'm too tired, mom."

"Sofia's mom is here, I make her talk to your captain if you're not back before the evening."

"I'm not scared of Marie, she's cool."

"She fought with Jules's mother. At the hospital."

"Not the best thing to do when you need a favor from the doc. Does Jules work?"

"Yes. Her office will be full after yesterday. I'm sure there will be a lot patients in need for a short treatment without an appointment."

"Probably. Greg?"

"Is with Sofia's parents at home, taking care of the dogs. The nurse said we won't be allowed to see Sofia before the evening – and it's more likely we see her tomorrow." Another night without her lover. Another night she had no idea if she ever was able to sleep next to the woman she loved. Or was all that she had left of Sofia the memories and the room of the blonde?

"How do you cope?"

"Not at all." She managed a smile that turned straight into a grimace. "My former therapist had a lot of work with me and recommends a visit at my therapist office today."

"Will you go?"

"No. My favorite therapist will be with me tonight, she's better than a medical doctor. All she has to do is being around me and I feel better."

"Don't tell Sofia." Don blinked. "Come on, give me a ride."

"Home?"

"Nice try."

"But you come home in a few hours?"

"Yes."

"Good." She set the turn signal. Sofia would want her to make sure he took care of himself. If she couldn't see her lover, be with her, she had to act the way she would want her to act. Also when it came to herself, which was the most difficult part.


	8. Chapter 8

"Did you eat and drink?" Jules put a glass with orange juice in front of Sara.

"Yeah." Whenever somebody put something in front of her she ate or drank it. Not because she felt hungry or thirsty, more because she knew she had to. The thing of acting the way Sofia wants her to act. It was after six in the evening and they hadn't received a call that they were allowed to see the blonde.

"Enough?"

"Probably. Your boyfriend takes care of me."

"He's a good guy."

"Is your mother still at work?"

"She's there since eight o'clock yesterday morning. Dad and me tried to talk her into going home, so far we didn't succeed. I know they need her there but after almost thirty-six hours she's exhausted and can't work the way she's supposed to. Unfortunately she's like you, she doesn't use her smart head all the time, what means I've to go there, fight with her and get her home. There are doctors from all over the country, she can go home for a few hours, sleep and come back to help more people. Nobody will think less of her."

"Can you take me with you?"

"Did they call and say you can see her?"

"No. I want to sit there and wait."

"You hope they give you a minute again when you're there."

"Yes. When they see me they're more likely to give in. Please."

"I take you with me, get my mother home and come back around ten. When you haven't been in until then they won't let you in at all before tomorrow morning. You won't stay the whole night there, waiting. Deal?"

"Why do you make deals and ask for promises all the time?"

"Because I want your word that you act smart. And listen when I try to do something that's necessary for your health."

"As a friend you're even more annoying than as a therapist."

"I worry now personally and not only professional. Drink your juice, on our way you eat a slice of the pizza I took with me."

"Will Greg come with us?"

"They won't let him in."

"No, but he should spend some time with you. And make sure this ex doctor boyfriend of you won't get any stupid ideas."

"Derek? I told you he's married."

"Married men do change their mind when they see a beautiful woman."

"Thanks but the beautiful woman has a mind on her own and her mind is made for the CSI from Vegas and not the doctor from L.A.. He had his chance, that's over and I don't live in the past when the present offers more."

"Good answer. I might repeat myself but he's absolutely in love with you."

"Don't worry about him and me, we're fine. I get there, take mom home and meet Greg for dinner at my place. Which doesn't mean you can stay longer than ten in hospital, don't get any ideas. We will get you."

"I can get myself home."

"Yes you can but I doubt you will."

"I promise I will go home at ten when they say I won't see Sofia until tomorrow. Spend some time with your boyfriend, Jules."

Jules looked suspicious at Sara. "Don't lie to me."

"I don't. And won't."

"Okay."

"Want me to call when I'm back and let the dogs bark so you know I'm really home."

"No, I trust like you trust me." Jules pulled Sara in her arms. Some time with Greg sounded good in her ears. When Sara really went home.

* * *

At one point Sara had stopped watching the news or listen to it. The words the reporter said, the pictures they showed, the interviews they had with injured people, people who lost loved ones and police officers who still had no idea why somebody would do something like this, depressed her. Every pictures, every words reminded her of Sofia, that her life was still on the edge and she hadn't seen her in almost twenty-four hours. The last time they had been apart this long was…when Sara acted like a stupid bitch and left the house to be no burden. Now she understood how Sofia felt, now she understood how painful it was when the one you love wasn't there and you had no chance to get to her, talk to her, see her.

Since one hour she sat in front of the ward Sofia was in. One hour, at least nobody sent her away. They saw her, ignored her, told her she couldn't see her lover but most times they only rushed by. The ER was still full, there were still people coming in with injuries. The last time she watched the news a man from the rescue team said they expected to find people- dead or alive – for at least two or three more days. The longer the search took the more bodies were pulled out.

"Are you planning to stay here all night?" Out of the blue doctor Bendler stood in front of Sara, looking down on her.

"No. I promised your daughter to go home at ten. It's just…I feel closer to Sofia when I'm here. Even when I can't see her, can't hold her hand, I know she's only a few yards away and that helps. Hopefully she feels that I'm around and it helps her too." The doctor looked tired, Sara knew doctors Bendler had quite often shifts of twenty-four hours but no ordinary twenty-four hours shift could prepare you for something like this.

"Did Jules tell you to go home?"

"Yes. I do it because I feel I need a little rest otherwise I might make mistakes and that's the last thing patients need now. A doctor who messes up."

"Can you tell me how Sofia is?"

Doctor Bendler sat down next to Sara. "I think she'll make it. Your girlfriend is a strong fighter and so far she did everything she had to do to wake up. We have her on machines to make sure she stays stable, hopefully we can switch off the first machines tomorrow. Because of all the incoming patients we didn't have to time to work on her minor injuries, we should be able to do so tomorrow. Her left arm is broken, the shoulder dislocated. All in all she must have stood in a position that exposed her left side more than the right. There was internal bleeding and damage to the spleen. We fixed that. And her leg. I'm sorry we had to amputate it but there was no chance to save it. It was a decision between life and death and we chose life."

"Sofia will appreciate it and there are no words I can say to show you how thankful I am."

"I know you don't understand why you can't see her but it's not to annoy you, it's for her safety. And the safety of the people who are in her room too. It's quite full in there now, five more in a three beds room. But there's always somebody around who has an eye on her vitals and checks on her. I had a look at her before I came here."

"Thanks."

"Okay, lets go home, mom." Jules came out of the door. "You need some rest."

"I'm a doctor, I'm aware of what I need."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sara, Derek will have an eye on Sofia and contact you if anything happens. You won't see her today, but if you want you can stay here a little bit longer. I know you feel closer to her when you're here."

"I do. Your mother gave me the heads up. I call Sofia's parents."

"Good. Greg and me come over for breakfast tomorrow morning, try to get some sleep."

"I go home at ten, take the dogs out and lie down."

"That's a start. See you." Jules hugged Sara. "If you need anything, call."

"I'll be fine, thanks. Sleep tight, you too doctor Bendler. And thank you for giving me some information."

"You're welcome. See you tomorrow."

Sara watched them leave the hallway and shifted her attention back to the door to the ward. Internal bleeding, damage to the spleen, loss of blood, a broken arm, dislocated shoulder and many more wounds. How close had Sofia been to the building?

* * *

Scooby and Rantanplan greeted Sara when she returned like she had been away for weeks. They flanked her to make sure she couldn't go anywhere without them. One of their mommies was gone since two days, they couldn't lose the second one too.

"You're back on time." Marie greeted her.

"Yeah. Like doctor Bendler said, I wasn't allowed to get in so I thought it's better to come back, take a walk with the dogs."

"We have been out with them from seven until nine." Marc handed Sara a sandwich. "They're fed too."

"Thanks. And thanks for the sandwich." Her stomach called for food for a while, she never listened because there was the hope she could see Sofia for a second.

"A doctor Luria called and asked how you are."

"My therapist. What did you tell her?"

"That you're with doctor Weinberg at the hospital and we aren't allowed to see Sofia, what is hard on you. She says if you need her you can come to her office tomorrow morning."

"That wouldn't change a thing." Not about Sofia but maybe about the thing with her mother and brother. Not later than next week she had to talk about it with her therapist. The topic wasn't over and it was still a problem for Sara, even when it got a little bit under in the fear about Sofia.

"Are you all right? I mean beside the fact that you suffer because of Sofia like we all do."

"Nothing that can wait until Sofia is better."

"Sara." He put his hand on her shoulder. "I know it's hard to concentrate on anything with Sofia in hospital but we have to take care of yourselves. That is what she wants us to do. You don't have to talk to us if you don't feel comfortable but use the offer of your therapist and let her help you if there's anything that bothers you."

"It's…" They knew about her mother. Sara had told them where her mother was, what she did and how she was doing. That was during the trial against Trevor. "I had contact with my mother."

"The first time since the trial?"

"The first time since I told her I want Trevor to pay what he did to me. We didn't have any contact since that day."

"Oh, that's not nice."

"Your mother is ill but that's not a reason to let you down." Marie pulled Sara down on the couch. "Does she want to see you again?"

"She wants to see me and so does my brother, who called her."

"You have a brother?"

"You didn't check on the girlfriend of your daughter?"

"No, I did that once and when Sofia found she didn't talk to me for two months. Sometimes I learn from my mistakes. Can we do something for you? Is he bothering you?"

"Sam? I haven't seen him since…since that day when I was taken into foster care. He never tried to contact me, never tried to get me to him and I don't…I don't feel comfortable when I think I've to see him."

"He didn't call you?"

"No, mom did. I'm afraid the next time it will be him." The thought she picked up her phone and heard the voice of her brother scared her. Not the voice but all the memories that certainly would shoot into her head when she heard his voice. He'd get her back into her childhood, back to all the bad memories.

"You don't want to meet them? Him? Or her?"

"No. The thought of being in…in San Francisco…I don't want to go back there. Not yet. It's part of my therapy to go there but at the moment I don't think I can get through this." Not in the state she was now.

"Would it be easier when he comes here?"

"You mean to our house?" The idea of having her past into her present scared her. She hadn't seen her brother in twenty-five years, what should she talk about? What if he asks question about their past? About the trial? Or told her he knew about everything and never cared?

"A neutral place?"

"Why do I have to meet him at all?"

"You don't have to." Marc said. "If you don't want him in your life it's okay."

"Maybe when Sofia is back and well…she's my highest priority, what my brother does doesn't matter to me."

"If you ever feel like meeting him and don't want to go to San Francisco or have him here in Los Angeles you can see him in Vegas. Sofia will come with you and Marc and me are there too. You know Vegas, you have a place to stay and people around who care about you."

"I think about it. Thanks."

"You're welcome, Honey. And now go to bed, you can use some rest. We all do. Tomorrow we can see Sofia and in case she opens her eyes, we don't want to look like straight out of a horror movie, do we?"

"No." Sara smiled a bit. It was very unlikely that Sofia woke up tomorrow but the thought of that, seeing into the wonderful deep blue eyes of her lover put a smile on her face. It always did.

Plus she felt better since she told Marc and Marie about the phone call. She never mentioned the call to Sofia, never had the chance. Weird to tell the parents of your parents what bothered you before you told it your lover.

"Sara." Don came out of his room. The fact that he wore his sleep shirt and boxers told Sara, he kept his promise and came back a while ago.

"Hey, good to see you home." She hugged him.

"Good to be back home and see you here too. I thought you'd stay in hospital." He pulled her in his good right arm and kissed her hair.

"Jules's mother told me I won't be allowed to see Sofia today. Because my lover would want me home and I promised Jules to go home, I came home."

"It's better this way. They will call you when something changes and you can see her."

"She's my girlfriend, I should be with her. Sit next to her bed and wait."

"Not when she won't wake up any time soon. They get her out of the coma tomorrow?"

"That's the plan. I pray it will happen and can talk to her tomorrow afternoon. Will you come with us?"

"They won't let me see her, I'm not her family."

"You go back to the department."

"Yes. My captain isn't happy but at the moment he can use every man he gets. We have no new clues, don't know who is responsible for the explosion."

"Not?" Somehow Sara was surprised how less it mattered to her. She didn't really care who was responsible. All what counted was Sofia. Maybe when her lover was awake she started to care more about the question who was responsible. Right now she had no energy for this.


	9. Chapter 9

**Wednesday, June 8th**

When Greg and Jules arrived for breakfast at half past seven Sara had been around the reservoir with the dogs, fed them and took a shower. Sofia's parents were down from Sara's room and Don sat with his arm in the cast at the table and tried to made himself a sandwich with one hand.

"Will you stop that or you end up stabbing yourself." Marie took away the knife from Don's hand. "What do you want to eat?"

"Ham. Thanks."

"Do you plan on going to the department today?"

"Yes."

"What does your captain say about this?" She pointed on his arm.

"Stay in the office, you're no in condition to work outside. Actually you're on a sick leave, you are supposed to stay at home."

"Good. Any news of the bomber?"

"No, nothing. If they left any clues it can take a while before we find them. The area is a mess and highest priority is rescuing people and not evidence. They still pull people out."

"What are the numbers?"

"Fatality under three hundred, injuries over seven hundred. I had no idea that so many people are around the place during an ordinary day."

"Summer holidays, travelers from all around the world. The president is in town." Marie had called a friend who worked with the LAPD in Downtown L.A. and gotten a few facts.

"He had been at the scene yesterday. Doesn't help anybody, only slows us down because we needed extra caution to protect him. Politicians always visit scenes to get more votes, believe their appearance helps anybody but them."

"I hope you don't take your car to the department."

"That was the plan." He had no idea how exactly he would drove but he'd find a solution. It was an automatic car, you could make it with one hand when you drove carefully.

"Forget the plan, I take you there, detective."

"I can do that." Jules offered. "It's on my way to the office anyway. And pick you up after work. This way we make sure you don't stay too long at work and get some rest. You are injured, Don."

"Thanks Jules. For the ride. Not for the medical advice. I've been told this yesterday by a very nice nurse. Should have asked her for her number."

"I'm sure she had other things on her mind than giving you her number."

"Yeah, like I had other things on my mind than asking her for it. Well, I know where she works." He smiled.

"Doctor Weinberg, do you have any knowledge of prostheses?"

"Not much, Captain. Sorry."

"I wonder how long it will take until Sofia gets one."

"A while. First her wounds have to heal, after that they can measure the leg to get the perfect prosthesis. I'm afraid she has to use crutches first. And she should make sure not only the physical wounds are looked after." In Jules experience people were fast with looking after physical wounds and very bad when it came to treating wounds they couldn't see, only feel.

"You want her as a patient?"

"She can't be a patient, she's a friend. But I would recommend talking to a mental specialist about what happened to her – the explosion and the lost of her lower leg. It can trigger depression and/or other mental disorders; like PTSD."

"We can share the couch of your cousin." Sara sat down, not happy with the sandwich Maria put in front of her. Cheese and salad was great but she didn't feel hungry. Especially not when they talked about Sofia's injuries and the need of a shrink for her. The story of the woman and her twenty years in therapy were still in her mind, scared her.

"No, she needs her own therapist."

"You're the best, your cousin is okay but I doubt there's anybody coming close to the two of you."

"Thanks Sara but there are a few good therapists around. If Sofia wants I can help her choose one. If she is as stubborn as you are, we have to fight with her first."

"There's no point in fighting with you, you always win, that's annoying. How do you plan to live with somebody like her, Greg? Do you stay in Vegas because you can't stand having somebody around who is always right?"

"We don't fight, we have disagreements and work on them. Sometimes her arguments are better, sometimes mine."

"She might use some psychological tricks on you."

"When she does I use some CSI evidence knowledge and we're even."

"You're quite a pair." Marie said.

"Like you and your husband?"

"We complete each other, don't we Marc?"

"Sure." Marc fed Scooby a piece of his sandwich. "You're always right and I don't argue with you when you're wrong. I point out other ways of solving a problem."

"I wish Sofia and me could have an argument." Sara sighed. "Your friend didn't call me, Jules."

"Take it as a good sign, nothing bad happened to her, she's recovering."

"I take it as a good sign when we can finally see her today."

"That's not up to me."

"I know. Marie and Marc, shall we go there after breakfast?"

"Yes. Today I want to see my daughter and I won't let anybody come between her and me. No matter what doctor title she has."

"Try not to piss off my mother too much. She won't be any help when she's mad. And she is Sofia's personal doctor."

"I'm Sofia's personal mother."

"Yes and when my mother would try to get through your barricades to see me, you would stop her too."

"When you're my responsibility all you have to cry is 'lawyer' and you have some company."

"Sofia has nurses too, that's not the same like family."

"We won't make her mad." Sara sighed. Doctor Bendler did what was good for Sofia. It wasn't easy to accept for Sara when the decision of the doctor made her not see her lover but she had no other choices. After all, the doctor had told her about Sofia and her recovery state when she was there last night. It wasn't like she tried to keep them in a nimbus. "But after three days we should be allowed to see her."

"If that's not a threat for Sofia's health you will see her. Mom knows hom important this is for you. Will you go with them, Greg?"

"Yes and I'll be back for lunch with you. Marie, Marc, when do you have to get back to Vegas?"

"Not before we have spoken to Sofia!" Marc said firmly. "There's no way we leave without hearing Sofia say she's all right."

"I talked to Grissom this morning, I've to be back in Vegas tomorrow night, five nights and then I can take off for two nights. Sorry."

"I'm glad you were allowed to come here at all." Sara hugged him. "Thanks for supporting us."

"You need me I'll be there. That was the deal and I always keep my word." He kissed her. "Come on, lets have a look how your girlfriend is while mine goes and earns some money."

"She earns good money, I saw the bill of the insurance company." Sara smiled. "Plus, she's worth every cent."

"She's worth even more." Greg kissed Jules softly. "I see you for lunch, take care of my doc."

"Make sure your Vegas family and your Los Angeles family won't kill each other."

"Call me the peace maker." If he had to he'd get between Sofia's and Jules's mother. He wasn't sure if he was the perfect person for that but he'd give it a try.

* * *

"I feel like I've a déjà vu." Doctor Bendler looked at Sara, Marie, Marc and Greg. All four of them sat in front of the ward where Sofia lay.

"Your daughter told me not to fight with you because it's a stupid thing to do. The problem is, the police captain inside me wants to act smart, the mother inside tells me the whole time to do everything to see my daughter, no matter who tries to get between us."

"Sofia is not here anymore."

"What?" Fear was in Sara's voice. What did happen to her lover? Why wasn't she here anymore? She was supposed to be here, under the surveillance of doctor Bendler.

"We moved her to another ward, she's out of risk and we need the space here for other patients."

"Means you're not in charge for her anymore." Marie said.

"No, I'm not."

"Not possible!" Sara protested. "You're the best. She needs you!" Jules promised her mother would take care of her.

"At the moment she doesn't need me."

"Her leg…"

"Sara, we took care of her leg, now it's time for the other injuries. When she needs me again I'll be there. See the bright side, you can see her easier now."

"Where is she?"

"Two floors up, give them a little bit time to take care of her injuries. They took her up two hours ago, there should be time for a second coffee for all of you."

"Is she conscious?"

"No. Sorry, I need to get back inside. Greg, tell Jules dinner is all right. Eight."

"I let her know." With a smile he took Sara's hand. "Come on, we get a coffee and after that we annoy some other doctors before I get back to your place, take the dogs out and meet Jules for lunch. I'll be back later in the afternoon."

"There's no way I leave today without seeing her."

"Neither will we." Marc got up. "Coffee, a sandwich and we're back, ready to see Sofia. No compromises anymore."

Sara looked at Sofia's father. She never heard so much anger in his voice, it was usually Marie who spoke this way. Apparently he could get angry too.

What happened to her anger? Why didn't she put up a fight? Insisted on seeing her lover right away? Since when did she accept a no? She was used to fight for the things she wanted, never got them for free. When did she stop fighting? Was it because she had no energy left to fight? Or because she knew she'd lose this fight and probably the chance to see her lover too? Did her head stop her from fighting?

A coffee and a sandwich. She wasn't hungry nor thirsty. Food and drinks didn't give her what she wanted, what she needed. Sofia. She needed her lover, need to see her, hold her hand.

And why wasn't Sofia conscious? She was supposed to wake up today, two days in artificial coma was what they told her. Not three. How could everything be fine when her girlfriend was still in a coma? How could she be better when she wasn't awake? It all made no sense to her.


	10. Chapter 10

"We want to see Sofia Curtis." Marie said to the nurse. Her voice made it clear, she wasn't in a mood to accept a deny.

"I'm sorry, she isn't cleared for…"

"I don't give a shit. I came here from Vegas, I've been waiting for three days to see her, she is out of risk and neither my husband nor my daughter-in-law will leave before we haven't seen her. Today. You better let us see her or you will have more trouble on your ward than you can ask for."

"Ma'am I need to call the security…"

"Don't Ma'am me, it's Captain Curtis and your security guys won't be a threat to me. Where is my daughter?"

"I need to talk to the doctor first."

"You got one minute, after that we will enter every room until we found her."

The nurse looked at them and left. Satisfied Marie looked at Sara. "Your friend Jules told us not to fight with her mother, she never mentioned something about anybody else."

"What if she calls security? You're a Captain in Vegas, not here." On one side she was happy Marie fought for them, made it clear they wanted to see Sofia and weren't willing to let anybody send them away. On the other hand she was afraid they got kicked out and weren't allowed to get in anymore.

"Who says I've no connection to L.A.? Don't underestimate me, Sara."

"How could I, mother-in-law?" It felt good to hear those honest words. Daughter-in-law. A better compliment was impossible to get. The mother of her lover wanted her to marry her daughter. She was wanted in Sofia's family. And loved. A lot. More than her family ever loved her. She had a new one now. A better one.

"Good girl. Look who's coming, a God in white. Lets hear what he has to say." Marie crossed her arms and stared at the doctor.

"You can't just storm in here, threaten my nurses and try to take the place over. Do you have idea what's going on in here? After a day like…"

"Suck it up, I've been in New York during 9/11, I've walked through scenes you can't even imagine, my husband worked in a hospital during that time, we're both aware of what is going on here. Are you aware how parents feel when they can't see her daughter? When they get a phone call that their daughter is injured, might not survive the night and nobody let them see her? Can you imagine how it feels to sit for two days in front of a door, fearing your daughter might die and you weren't allowed to see her, say goodbye? Have you any ideas what that does to a mother and a father? Or have you been separated from your wife while she was in this position, fighting for her life? Have you, doctor?"

Silence was in the hallway, everybody stared at Marie and the doctor. Sofia's mother's words hadn't been loud, she never raised her voice louder than you ordinary spoke but the way she said it made everybody stop and stare.

To Sara it felt like her heart stopped beating. Not only because of all those things she heard she had no idea of but also because of the answer she was waiting for. Would the doctor give in? Did Marie's strategy worked out or were her words useless? They had played their last and only card, now it was time to see if they won or lost.

"Room number fifteen, one person at a time, not longer than five minutes each. After that you leave the building for today and won't come back without an appointment for tomorrow. Am I clear?"

"Absolutely."

"Good."

"Thanks for your cooperation, doctor." Sara saw the relief in Marie's face. For a second her cop face had dropped and only the worried mother was visible. A rare thing. Something that almost made her cry.

"Stick to the rules here, Captain as a sign of your gratitude."

"I don't make promises I can't keep." Marie smiled a bit. At this moment she reminded her so much of Sofia that Sara couldn't hold back her tears.

"Who starts crying now? You can see her, Sara." Marc pulled Sara in his arms. He saw what Sara saw and knew what she felt.

"No, you first. I saw her two days ago."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I…I need a minute anyway. I don't want Sofia see me like this."

"She loves you no matter if you cry or not."

"Yes but…"

"You stay out here with me." Marie pulled Sara in her arms. "Go inside Marc, tell our baby we're here and she'll get in trouble for scaring us so much."

"I leave the threats to you, it has always been your part, Honey." He squeezed the hand of his wife for a second and walked towards the door of Sofia's room.

"Come on, we sit down for a moment." Marie pushed Sara on a chair. "As a civilian you're allowed to cry, I won't lecture you for it."

"Thanks. And thanks for getting us to her.

"It's important to be patient but when the point is reached that patience isn't the right method anymore, you have to attack." Two days were enough. For a mother who worried about her child, heard barely any positive news but a lot of bad words, bad things that could happen to her, she had been very patient.

"I…I didn't know you've been in New York during 9/11." Sofia never mentioned her parents had been in New York during the attack.

"We were on holidays when it happened. I volunteered to help NYPD while Marc helped in one of the hospitals. He was a nurse when he was in the army and could help them out. They needed every available hand."

"He was a nurse?" Another fact she didn't know.

"Yes, before my husband turned to an all boring financial adviser he had a real job."

"Don't let him hear you think it's not a real job he's working."

"He knows what I think."

"You have an amazing marriage."

"So will you and Sofia – or relationship when you won't be allowed to get married. You completed her life, Sara. Knowing the two of you are together makes me very happy. A mother needs to know her daughter found her place in the world, found the one who will be there for her, makes her happy and gives her a reason to live every single day."

"She completed mine." And here they came again, the tears. Somehow Sara couldn't stop them today. Horrible. She was such a whiny person. When somebody told Sofia how she acted the whole time, her girlfriend would be ashamed.

"Like I said: the perfect constellation for everlasting love." Marie hugged Sara and kissed her cheek. For her there was no doubt that her daughter and Sara would stay together.

* * *

Ten minutes later her face was covered in tears again. When she stood in Sofia's room and saw her lover in bed. The left arm in a cast, cleaned wounds and scratches that didn't look better than the dirties ones she saw before, a big bandage around the left knee. Most terrifying was what she didn't see: the left lower leg of the blonde. For a whole minute she stared at the place where Sofia's foot used to be. Nothing. Emptiness. This couldn't be real, this couldn't be true. It didn't matter that she knew about the foot, it didn't matter that she read about accidents when people lost their leg or parts of it, it didn't matter that the scientist inside her told her, Sofia could have a happy life with one and a half leg, when she saw her lover and saw what the explosion did to her, she had to cry.

"Sorry Honey." She ignored the chair next to the bed and sat on the edge of the bed. For a moment she hesitated to take Sofia's hand into hers because of all the tubes getting in and out of the blonde. Carefully she stroke her finger of the hand of the blonde.

"I missed you. Not being allowed to see you for so many hours broke my heart and at the same time I'm very happy because doctor Bendler told me your life isn't at risk anymore. She isn't such a dragon, actually she was more than fair and very helpful. She's a lot like your mother, who called me her daughter-in-law."

If Sara didn't know it better she would swear she saw a little smile on Sofia's face. Could it be that her lover heard every word she said? Was she unconscious but not unable to following all conversation around her?

"They gave me only five minutes to be with you, you need to rest but I will be back tonight and try to see you again even when the doctor said we won't be allowed to see you again and need an appointment for tomorrow. It's worth a try. I've no idea how long you have to stay in artificial coma, I think now that they have more time they will get you out of there, your wounds are all looked after, you wear a cast and the next time I'm here I write something on it so if you wake up and I'm not here, you see I was here, I think of you and I love you more than anything else."

What did all the machines say? Sara knew the basics, could read the vitals but all of them meant, she had no idea.

"Greg will go home tomorrow, Grissom doesn't give him more days off. My boss was very nice, gave me three days off with the opportunity to extend it on five. There's no place in the world I'd rather be than with you but I think I need to get back. You're here asleep, I'm not allowed to be with you all the time, so it makes more sense to have a few days off when I can visit you or you come home."

Sofia's return home. How long would it be before the blonde was allowed to go home? And what did the new situation mean to them? Did they have to change something on the house? With a prosthesis the stairs shouldn't be such a big problem, with crutches they were a challenge. A new shower? One you don't have to step in?

"The dogs miss you, Don is at work, he doesn't want to stay home with his broken arm. Kyle and Lynn are so far all right. Somehow you managed to get into the bull's eye. Always in the middle, always there to serve and protect. A real cop by heart. Something that got you almost killed but nevertheless I love you for being you, for risking everything even when it scares the hell out of me."

What happened if she kissed Sofia? Could it be wrong? Could it be bad? How could a kiss be bad? Carefully she bent over and kissed her lover on the cheek. "I love you, Sofia. Nothing will change that. You're my everything." Don't cry! Don't cry! Don't cry! You can't cry after you kissed your girlfriend, what will she think of you if you kiss her and then start crying? Be brave.

A short look at her watch told her she was supposed to leave the room. She didn't want to leave it, leave Sofia. The problem was, when she stayed and got thrown out by a nurse or the doctor, her chances of seeing Sofia again any time soon was gone.

"I've to go now, Honey. My five minutes are over but I'll be back tonight. You better get well soon they wake you up and you can have some chocolate. People in hospital always get chocolate from their family and friends. And a lot of kisses." She kissed Sofia again. "Gosh, I love you so much, Sofia." She pressed her face on the left cheek of her lover and cried. Leaving Sofia behind, going home without her, felt so wrong, made her feel sick to her guts. It couldn't be right to leave her behind. Why wasn't she allowed to stay? How could it be bad for Sofia when Sara was with her? She smiled at her, Sara had seen it. Her lover wanted her around, she was good for her. They were good for each other, they were meant for each other. Couldn't the doctors see that?

"Sara." Marie's voice got softly into Sara's ears.

"I don't want to leave her alone, she needs me, she knows I'm here. She smiled, Marie."

"Of course she knows you're here, like she knows you have to go. Sorry Sara, if you don't come with me you might get in trouble with the doctor." Gently Marie pulled Sara away from Sofia and pulled her into her arms. "Come on, I take you out. We go and get some air and later we try to see her again. She knows you love her and doesn't want to see you crying."

"I should be with her, Marie."

"Yes, you should but you can't. Not at the moment." She guided Sara out of the room. One look at her husband and Marc was at the other side of Sara. Having the brunette in their middle they guided Sara out of hospital into the little park in front of the building. Sara sat on a bench, knees up, her chin on them and continued crying. How many tears were in a human? How many tears could you cry before you were dried out? Was there a limit or was it possible to cry yourself to death?

* * *

"How is she?" Jules took Greg's hand. She found her boyfriend in Sara's and Sofia's garden where he stood and watched Sara, who had both dogs in her arms, laying in the grass, holding on to them. None of the three moved like they were in trance.

"She lays there since one hour, with the dogs, none of them moves. It's like they're in their own world. Jules, I worry about her. A lot."

"Did she see Sofia today?"

"Yes. Your mother sent her to another ward and they were allowed to see her each for five minutes. Marie had to get Sara out of the room, found her covered in tears, holding on to Sofia in there."

"The first time she saw Sofia after the incident, the first time she saw her without her full leg. In moments like that you start to realize what your partner lost, what you almost lost. She could have lost Sofia, a step more towards the building, a few minutes later detected by the paramedics and Sofia could be dead now."

"Does her PTSD come back?"

"It was never gone."

"How do you…do you know what your cousin talks to her?"

"Yes. Sara told Amanda she can talk with me about her, can ask me for my opinion. They're working together since eighteen months but there are still things Sara hasn't told her. Or asks me for. Like this week when she showed up in my office and asked me to join her to Amanda." Jules had no idea how much Greg knew about Sara's brother, if she had called him, and made the decision she wouldn't tell her boyfriends any details. Usually he never asked because he knew his girlfriend preferred to keep the things Sara told her between like. Like she did with her patients.

"She trusts you a lot."

"I know. Usually I stay out of Amanda's business, in Sara's case we have the agreement I will be involved to a certain degree. I joined her in therapy but I stayed out of sight, didn't talk until I had to stop her from running away."

"I bet she stopped as soon as you told her to."

"Running away isn't a solution, she knows that."

"Do you have a solution to get her out of that?" He pointed to Sara on the ground.

"The solution is Sofia, unfortunately I can't do anything to get Sofia out of coma and back to Sara."

"How long do you think can she cope? I'm afraid that when I go back to Vegas I get a call from you or Sofia's parents a few days later with bad news about Sara." He feared for Sara's life, feared his friend could do something stupid, hurt herself or worse. There was nothing he could do to stop her from this, no matter if he was here or not, but he felt better when he was around, had an eye on her.

"They're both fighter and both know they're fighting for each other, that gives them even more strength. Does Sara want to go back to Sofia tonight?"

"Yes, she wants to try her luck."

"Sofia's parents?"

"They lay down an hour ago, I think after seeing their daughter today they ran out of energy. The last days were hard on them, now that they know their baby is out of danger and saw her, they need some rest. I won't wake them up and I doubt they will wake up today."

"Go with her there."

"Shouldn't you do that? You're a therapist, you know what to do."

"You're her friend, her oldest friend. She doesn't need a therapist right now, she needs you. Get her in the car, drive with her to the hospital, I try to reach my mother, talk her into taking the two of you to Sofia." Even when Sofia wasn't on the ward anymore her mother worked on, maybe she could talk her colleague into giving Sara five more minutes.

"You think it's the best?"

"I know."

"You're the expert."

"And you're the friend. You're the one she needs by her side, Greg. You, her and Sofia have a past, you know both for several years. You can talk with her about Vegas, what you did there. Get her mind off the now and today. Make her remind nice things, things you all three laughed about."

Not the easiest thing to do. Sara and Sofia weren't close friends in Vegas, he had to remember a few cases that might make his friend smile. Funny occasions.

"Okay. I get her there."

"And I organize the rest."

"Thanks." He kissed her. "It won't take too long."

"No, it won't. You won't be allowed to see her for longer than five or ten minutes."

"After that I get Sara home, try to talk her into going to bed and come over. Your mother will be there at eight, I can't promise I'll be on time. After our lunch tomorrow I need to get back to Vegas."

"Yes. For a little while."

"Not too long, I'll be back soon."

"You better are." She smiled. "We miss you."

"I miss you too." He hated going back to Vegas for various reasons and all had to do with women he missed.


	11. Chapter 11

"Greg, I hope you won't be too late to dinner." Doctor Bendler greeted them. It was after seven, both didn't have much time to be at Jules's place at eight.

"That depends on you. If you get us to Sofia ASAP I can come with you right away. Otherwise you have to have dinner without me because Sara and me will wait here until we can see Sofia."

"She isn't on my ward, Miss Sidle knows that. I came here because Jules called me and told me you're on your way to here and I'm supposed to let you see Miss Curtis."

"You can help us out."

"It's your last night before you go back to Vegas."

"I am aware of that."

"I want you with us when we have dinner."

"You know the condition." Greg smiled. He also wanted to have dinner with Jules's mother but first things first.

"You are as much a pain in the ass as Jules is. Miss Sidle, what do you have to say?"

"Nothing." Sara leant on Greg's shoulder and closed her eyes. She was tired. Too tired to fight. There was no power left for arguments.

"Nothing? What's wrong with you?"

"Don't, please." Greg stopped doctor Bendler. "Just tell us if we can see Sofia or not. I won't let Sara alone, she will stay here for hours if she can't see her now and that wouldn't be good for her. She needs some sleep."

"Did you sleep, Miss Sidle?"

"No, not really."

"You need some sleep."

"I need Sofia, without her I can't sleep." That was a fact. Even before they were a couple Sara couldn't sleep without Sofia. There were so many nights she spent in the bed of the blonde, in her arms, when her PTSD gave her nightmares, only Sofia was able to scare away. Next to the blonde she felt safe.

"We can't let you walk around like a zombie until your girlfriend is back, you have to work, haven't you?"

"Yes."

"If I give you something to sleep would you take it?"

"Pills don't give me Sofia back, they're not her."

"Nobody and nothing is like her. Do you think she wants you to suffer?"

"No."

"Good. I get you something light that will get you some sleep. Meanwhile you take her to Sofia's room, Greg. I talk to the doctor and join you in a minute."

"Thanks."

"Yeah, yeah, you and my daughter together with your friend, you're my downfall."

"No, we light up your life."

"I can't see the light yet."

"You will soon, believe me. Where is Sofia's room, Sara?"

"Two levels up."

"You guide me, I stay by your side, how does that sound?"

"Good."

"Thought so." With a smile Greg took Sara's hand and let her guide him to the elevator. That was easier than he expected, whatever Jules told her mother, it worked. Wasn't his girlfriend fantastic? No wonder he was in love with her.

"Hi, doctor Bendler sent us up here to see Miss Curtis." He said to the first nurse they saw.

"Room fifteen, you can't stay long."

"We won't. Doctor Bendler will be here soon and join us." Greg's arm was tightly around Sara when they entered Sofia's room. Nevertheless the brunette was out of his arms as soon as she saw her lover. The left arm over Sofia's body, snuggling in as close as possible, Sara lay more on the bed than she sat. The first intention of Greg was to pull her away, when he realized Sara didn't endangered any tubes he let her stay where she was.

"Hey Honey, I'm back. Missed you so much."

What a picture. A woman who looked shattered because of her appearance, all her injuries, the tubes, wounds and bandages and a woman who looked shattered because her broken inside was visible on the healthy outside. This looked only difference to the scenery he saw this afternoon because Sara hugged Sofia and not the dogs. The rest was the same. Hopeless, powerless and desperation spoke to his eyes.

"You should make sure she takes this." Doctor Bendler dropped a little pill into Greg's hand. "Or she'll look like Sofia soon."

"I worry about her; more than about Sofia. Sofia is in good hands, under surveillance, Sara is at home and when she goes back to work tomorrow nobody can take care of her."

"She isn't fit to work, not like this."

"No, she isn't."

"Make her stay at home."

"How?"

"If everything works out like we expect it, Sofia will be waken up out of the artificial coma tomorrow afternoon. I'm sure Sara wants to be around."

"Is that possible?"

"We can make it possible."

"That would help."

"Like therapy – for both of them."

"You make it possible that Sara can be here when Sofia wakes up tomorrow and I make it possible that she goes to your…niece." He had no idea how to do that but he had to find a way. Maybe by just telling Sara she could be here when Sofia woke up when she goes to therapy and talks to doctor Luria. The brunette would do everything to be with her lover when she woke up.

"We have a deal."

"Will Sofia have any pain when she wakes up?"

"Light pain, she is on morphine. Phantom pain in her left leg will hit later."

"This will stay for a while, won't it?"

"Yes. And they will be severe."

"I've got another deal for you?"

"Which one?"

"You make sure she gets all the medical attention she needs for her physical pain and I do the same for her psychological pain."

"Are you planning her as a patient for Jules?"

"No, that's not possible. She needs somebody else, somebody who is almost as good as Jules because nobody is as good as she is."

"Of course not. Now, say hello and goodbye to your friend and get Miss Sidle out of the bed. The time is over and she needs a bed of her own."

"Okay." Greg knew getting Sara away from Sofia wouldn't be easy but they had no other choice. And maybe the possibility of being here with her lover when she woke up, cheered the brunette up a little bit.

* * *

"Weren't you supposed to sleep?" Don took Sara's hand and squeezed it softly.

"Weren't you supposed to stay at home?" She shot back. Twelve hours of work with a broken arm, dislocated shoulder and whatever else he had and didn't tell her about wasn't what his doctor ordered. Nevertheless she knew he would go back to work tomorrow and pull the same hours. He worked injured more than he did when he was healthy.

"I've killers to catch."

"Any news?"

"We found out the group who is responsible for the explosion. They are twelve people we know of so far. At least our CSI teams found TNT belt around twelve people. In addition there were twelve packages with TNT hidden in the building, one for each."

"Twelve assailants?"

"Yes. All twelve belts and packages explode at the same time, all twelve men are dead."

"How many others?"

"We're still under three hundred which is my highlight of the day. I hope we won't get over this number."

"Less than 9/11 more than Oklahoma."

"Yes."

"What kind of group was it?"

"We're working on it, so far we know there were twelve people with TNT belts, we don't have any I.D., it's hard to get when there's barely something left of them. You're a CSI, you know how complicated and time-consuming it is to get results. We're not on TV where you get all the information you need served after the advertisements."

"I was a CSI. There are no letters, no messages?"

"No."

"Who blows up a building complex and doesn't leave a note why? When people do something like this they want the world to know why."

"If these people wanted us to know they hid their message very good. There's nothing on the internet, we have team searching online for videos, letters, nothing. There were three letters from copycats who claimed the assassination was their work, we got them in, interrogated them and found out, they were lying. Five minutes of fame, a few years in jail for obstruction of justice. People are crazy."

"Yeah."

"What about Sofia? You sent me a text at noon you have been in her room." He pulled Sara in his healthy arm.

"Twice. This evening Greg and me were with her. Both times was only for five minutes and I never wanted to leave her. Doctor Bendler said they want to get her out of coma tomorrow afternoon."

"You can talk to her tomorrow night."

"Hopefully."

"They won't keep you away. What about her parents?"

"They fell asleep in the late afternoon and haven't been up since that time. Seeing their daughter for the first time wasn't easy."

"It's not easy for any one of us. How does she look?"

"Still bashed up even after they took care of all her injuries finally. And her leg…I think today I realized what happened to her for the first time. When I really saw that there is half a leg missing. First it was all under the sheets, today I could see it. Her leg ends under her left knee."

"Is she in pain?"

"Not at the moment."

"But when she wakes up?"

"Phantom pain. I'm afraid of the moment when she realizes she lost half of her leg, Don. There's nothing I can do to comfort her because I can't give her her leg back. It's gone forever." Sara felt helpless and useless. There was nothing she could do for her lover. What kind of girlfriend was she when she wasn't a help?

"Yes, it is. Nobody can give it back to her, what you can give her is your love. That is what will help her. Your love, knowing you're there, you care and you won't leave her because she is incomplete."

"She isn't incomplete."

"She will feel like it, everybody would."

"I love her, no matter how many legs she has."

"Yes you do. I'm afraid she will withdraw a bit, suffering, feeling like a burden for you. Like you felt when you withdraw from her and left the house."

"That was the most stupid thing I've ever done." She regretted every second she spent away. Every second she caused pain to the one she loved. How could she think for a second it was better for Sofia to be without her? How could it be better for somebody to be without your lover? That was impossible.

"I don't know about that but it was stupid and you know now it was stupid. When you did it, it made perfectly sense to you. As will it to Sofia when she thinks you're better off without her now."

"Without her I can't live."

"Tell her when she's awake."

"I will."

"What about your work?"

"They want to wake her up in the late afternoon, I call in and told my boss I'll be there in the morning. They won't let me see Sofia before she isn't awake, I can go to work. Maybe that takes my mind away for a second. Plus I want to ask for a few days off when she comes home."

"Sounds sensible."

"Will you go back to the department tomorrow?"

"Yes. We still need everybody."

"Greg leaves tomorrow, he has to be back in Vegas in the evening." She was grateful he was here at all, but letting him go now hurt.

"He will be back soon, I bet he already requested two nights off for next week. There's no way he won't be with you ASAP."

"And Jules."

"He loves her but he knows, you need him more than she does now."

"What did she do there, Don? Why was she at the scene? She's homicide and not SWAT."

"All divisions were called to the scene, no matter if homicide, robbery, narcotics or gangs. We had no idea what was going on, all we could see it that it was massive and we needed everybody who was available."

"I wish she wasn't a cop."

"Do you want to ask her to change her job?"

Sara thought about it. A part of her, a big part, yelled: Yes! Yes, Sofia shouldn't be a cop anymore! Mostly her heart told her so. Her mind told her asking her lover to change her occupation was wrong. Sofia had worked as a CSI, she did something else for a while and changed back because she wanted to be a cop. She made lieutenant and Sara knew, her lover wanted to be a captain. Could she be a police captain with only one leg?

"No."

"Good decision. She loves her job. But if you seriously ask her to change she'd do it."

"I know. Like I know she wants to be a captain one day. Do you think she can still be a captain?"

"She won't work the streets again, she'll be in the office. I'm not sure if she's happy with that."

"No." Sofia liked being outside, she liked to run, to work out…how was that possible with one leg? "People can continue their life with one leg."

"Yes, but you can't be a suspect chasing cop with one leg. Even when Sofia can run fast with her new leg, she can't defend herself the way she's supposed to. It would be too dangerous. Nobody wants her at risk."

"She'll be so devastated. I want to be there when she wakes up." Losing half of your leg and the job you loved at the same time. Sara had no idea how to explain all those things to Sofia, how to support her, show her there were still things it was worth living for.

"I doubt they'll let her wake up alone."

"The shrink there sucks."

"Did you ask Jules to be there?"

"No."

"Do it. She's a friend and a therapist. Not perfect for therapy but perfect to be there when she wakes up. Let me know when I'm allowed to see her, I miss her."

"Come around tomorrow evening, when she's awake, I'm sure she wants to see you too."

""No, I leave her to you and her parents. But give her a huge kiss from me, will you?"

"Just one? Why not two or three?" Sara smiled a bit. Just the thought of Sofia's lips on her own made her smile. One more day. One more day and she could kiss Sofia again, feel her lips, talk to her. One more day. It wasn't a long time and felt like eternity at the same moment.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thursday, June 9th**

Somehow Sara made it through the day. She had been in Angeles National Forest at six in the morning, managed to work until three and was in front of the hospital at four, Sofia's parents by her side. Work hadn't distracted her, hadn't stopped her worrying but it did her good. Fresh air, taking care of an injured deer and talking to her colleagues. Of course there was only one topic, the big explosion but it felt good to talk with people who didn't work law enforcement.

"How was work?" Marie hugged Sara.

"All right. I think it was a good decision to go there. How was your day?"

"We tried to relax, had two walks with the dogs and went shopping. When they wake Sofia up today she'll be home any time soon and we want to spoil our baby. Marc and me called at work and told them we won't be back until the end of next week."

"Good. I like having you around." No, she needed them around. They were a reason why she held herself more or less together.

"You came a long way from almost turning the car and driving back to Los Angeles when you were supposed to meet us for the first time and today." Marc smiled. His daughter had told him how Sara had suffered during their drive to Vegas that night.

"I was scared to death Marie would shoot me."

"What a stupid thing to do. You were invited because my daughter loves you. Shooting the one my daughter loves is very stupid, brings me to jail and makes me lose my daughter. Plus after this actress slut it couldn't get worse. After all, you were a former CSI and I saw you once or twice at crime scenes."

"Your reputation is…scary. As a police captain. I was sure when you were like this as a private person I had all reasons to be scared and saver far, far away from you and your weapon."

"As long as you're not scared anymore I'm satisfied."

"I'm not."

"Good." Marie took her hand and squeezed it.

"Otherwise I'd tell her off." Marc chuckled. "I know how to handle my wife, the scary captain."

"You're a civilian…"

"Your husband. Lets get inside, maybe we can see our daughter and watch her waking up. She needs her family around."

Sara swallowed. Did Sofia think the same? Did she need her family or didn't she need her leg more? They couldn't give it back to her, couldn't do something to make her feel better. They were helpless and could only tell her, they were there for her. Did that comfort you when you lost half of your leg?

When they saw nobody in the room of the nurses they made their way to Sofia's room. They had an appointment, were cleared for their visit and knew their way. No need to talk to somebody or wait for somebody and waste time they could spend with Sofia.

Just before they could knock on the door, it got pushed open and two nurses with a doctor were pushing a bed outside, rushing, shouting. To Sara's horror it was Sofia who was in the bed. This didn't look like getting her lover out of coma, this looked like an emergency.

"What's going on?" Marie asked and was ignored by the nurses and the doctor. All three were with the bed halfway down the hallway, pressing a button for the elevator.

"Doctor, what's going on? That's our daughter." Marc repeated the question of his wife. They were right behind them.

"Complications. Please step back." They pushed the bed in the elevator and blocked the door.

"What kind of…" The door closed. Marie was as pale as the white wall behind her and it was the first time Sara saw her not knowing what to say or to do. "Where are they taking her?"

"We need a nurse or another doctor." Sara looked around, surprised that she could function after seeing her lover taken away. As an emergency. A nurse came out of a room. "Excuse me." Sara stepped towards her. "We're here to see Sofia Curtis and she was rushed into the elevator, the nurse said something about an emergency. We were told she gets out of coma today."

"Room fifteen? Yes, she's supposed to wake up tonight." The nurse pushed her glasses up her nose. "Are you family?"

"Yes, her parents and partner. The doctor said something of complications. Can you look into the computer what he meant with that?" Marie asked.

"I can have a look but when they were in a hurry there was no time to write down what happened." The nurse walked into the little room where the nurses met and sat down in front of a computer. "Curtis…Curtis…Sofia…is due to wake up at six. And I've an emergency call from her room five minutes ago…sorry, no note what it is. I'm afraid you have to wait until the doctor comes back ….operation seven…doctor Bendler is requested…"

"What?"

"She's in here as a her personal doctor."

"Right." Jules did mention something like that and also doctor Bendler told her, she'd take care of Sofia. Apparently it didn't work out. "Is it something with her amputated leg or why do they need doctor Bendler?"

"She's the best general surgeon."

"But why…?" Operation? Doctor Bendler? Why did Sofia need a surgeon when she was supposed to wakeup soon? What complications? They had her on so many machines, shouldn't these machines alert them before there is a complication?

"I can't tell you what happened, I'm sorry. You can go to operation room seven, ground level, left side. But it can take a while until you get an information, depends on what has happened. Sorry."

"Thanks anyway." Sara looked at Sofia's parents. "Shall we?"

"There's nothing that will keep us away from her." Marie took the hand of her husband and Sara. Together they would wait until somebody gave them some information about Sofia and her status.

* * *

"What did happen?" Jules jogged down the hallway. Sara had sent her a text message half an hour ago that Sofia was in surgery as an emergency patient and her mother was called as a surgeon.

"We have no idea. When we arrived they got Sofia to here, as an emergency. Your mother is requested. Jules, Sofia was supposed to wake up. What happened?"

"I've no idea." Jules sat next to Sara, took her hand. She hadn't heard of anything. Of course not. Her mother had other things to do than calling her. Especially when Sofia was an emergency case.

"Mom will take care of her."

"Could it be that she…that she amputates another leg?"

"I doubt that. They never mentioned anything about that, it has to be something else. We had a look at her file, the injuries of the right leg weren't that bad, nothing was broken. No, it shouldn't have caused any trouble."

"What else can be an emergency?"

"Almost everything." The way Sofia looked, the list of injuries she had, everything was possible.

"They called your mother…"

"She's a general surgeon, she made Sofia her personal patient, of course they call her. And if there was a problem with one of Sofia's limbs they had called an orthopedic as well. It's their job to remove limbs. You have me speculating if I continue."

"Do it."

"She was stable the last day, they planed to wake her up, her vitals were all right…my money is on internal bleeding. Or an infection." Both nasty, both very dangerous and nothing she wanted to discuss with Sara in details.

"Could it be that I…when I was with her…she got this infection…"

"No! It's more likely that it's an infection due contamination. Infections in hospitals are nothing unusual – unfortunately."

"She can die from HAI. How did she catch it?"

"Nosocomial infection occur in all hospitals. She had open wounds but we should stop guessing and wait what they tell us."

"It can't be good with them being in there for so long." The longer it took them to get out, the more they had to work on Sofia, the more the life of the blonde was at risk. Why did they get only bad news? This wasn't fair. They deserved a few good news as well.

"Try to think positive. Sofia is a fighter, she fought through so much the last days, she'll survive this one too."

"Exactly." Marie joined the conversation. "You know her, Sofia doesn't give up easily."

"There were so many fights the last days…" At one point you were tired and want to give up. Why fight when it didn't get you anywhere?

"Sara, won't you stop believing in your lover? She needs your support ant not your desperation. She'll get out of there alive and will get well soon!"

"Hopefully." Sara felt how she lost all her energy. Another backlash. How many more did they have to handle? She wasn't sure if she could handle more. The last days wore her out, more days like them wasn't something she could cope with.

"I need to call Don."

"I did that. And Greg. Don is outside, they didn't let him in."

"Family only?"

"Yes. Or family member of the surgeon."

"Is there anything we can do beside waiting? And don't start with something like praying. We had this topic already. I don't believe in God, there can't be a God. Not with Sofia suffering like that."

"Believe in your girlfriend and my mother."

"I told Sofia your mother isn't that bad…when I was with her yesterday. And I'm sure she smiled at me. Could it be that she heard me?"

"Maybe she heard you, maybe she felt you around, dreamed of you. I'm sure it was because of you that she smiled."

"Do you think she will smile when she wakes up?"

"When she sees you: Yes."

"But…her leg…"

"Her leg will be a shock, seeing you will send a smile on her face."

"We've been through this before…"

"Yes."

"I try to stop it and just wait. Before you send me to your cousin for depressions…I need to see her anyway, I promised Greg."

"If you have depressions my cousin will take care of them. At the moment you're a concerned lover."

"Whiny and inpatient." Sara got up and started pacing. Why did this take so much time? The more time they needed the worse was Sofia's condition. Nothing she wanted to think about.

* * *

Marie jumped off her place the same second the door to the operation room was opened. Right away she was next to doctor Bendler.

"How is my daughter?"

"Stable again."

"What did happen?"

"One of the nurses noticed a change in her vitals, called the doctor who found out your daughter suffered from internal bleeding. We stopped it, she's unconscious and will stay in intensive care for tonight."

"Is her life still at risk?"

"After the loss of blood four days ago it didn't do her any good to suffer from more bleeding today but she will survive. Like I said she's stable."

"Can we see her?"

Doctor Bendler sighed. It was obvious she wanted to deny this wish. "For a minute."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Make it short." She turned to her daughter. "Jules?"

"Yes?"

"Since when are you family?"

"Since you're my mother."

"Get out, you shouldn't be here."

"She's here for us, especially for me." Sara said. "Without Jules I'd go crazy and had probably knocked on the door a few times to ask you what is going on."

"You do that once and our security will escort you out. It's against the rules and it's a risk for the patient."

"I go and tell Don what's going on, call Greg and wait for you outside." Jules hugged her mother. "You're the best, thanks for saving my friend again."

"Always told you a medical doctor is worth more than a psychological doctor. But somehow you didn't want to listen to me."

"Because the psychological doctor also saves life, just not so spectacular like you do. We work more subtle and you are proud of me anyway. Later best GS of L.A.." She kissed her mother and walked away.

"Let us get Sofia up to intensive care, it will take a few minutes. Why don't you have a cop of coffee or a tea and come up then?" Doctor Bendler said.

"Okay." Marc sighed. "I really thought she'd be over the worst and wake up today. Instead we have to fear for her life again."

"Your daughter is a fighter, she doesn't give up and will get through it."

"The question is for how many fights does her body have the energy?"

"We try to make sure there won't be any more fights."

"Our daughter should be home soon, doctor."

"It will take a few more days. When there won't be any complications she will be awake tomorrow evening."

"Will she stay in intensive care?"

"For this night. Tomorrow she will be back on an ordinary ward."

"And you will take care of her?"

"Yes. She's my personal patient."

"Good. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Get some tea and something to eat. You don't help her when you're dehydrated or your blood sugar is too low."

Sara sighed. Why were doctors always sending them away? Told them to take care of themselves? All she worried about was Sofia, everything could wait and no food and drinks for another hour or two wouldn't kill her.


	13. Chapter 13

"Sara, how are you and Sofia?" Greg's voice got into Sara's ear.

"Both could be better." She played with the sandwich on her plate. After half a cup of tea and a bite from her sandwich Greg called and she was thankful that she could stop pretending she was eating. She wasn't hungry. It made her feel sick.

"Jules said it was internal bleeding."

"Yes. She had internal bleeding on Monday when she came in, it must have started again. Or another wound? I don't know. Doctor Bendler saved her. And the nurse who realized something was wrong. I should stay next to her bed in case something like that happens again."

"They won't let you stay there, you know that. Plus they'll have an extra eye on her after tonight. How are her parents?"

"We're all quite shaken up as you can imagine." She closed her eyes. "How was your flight back home?"

"I feel like jumping into the next plane back to Los Angeles and be with you."

"No, stay Greg. We can't do anything and you have to work. Doctor Bendler said Sofia is stable and if there won't be any complications they'll wake her up tomorrow evening. You can talk to her on the phone then.

By the way your girlfriend got in trouble with her own mom for sitting in front of the operation room. Only family is supposed to be there, that doesn't include the doctor's family. It doesn't count when the psychologist is there for the family members."

"Alison knows where her daughter got her stubborn head from. It's like with Sofia and her mother, very similar families. How long will her parents stay?"

"Another week. They want to see Sofia back home before they go back to Vegas. After an evening like today they might want to make sure she's fine the first days at home too."

"Will you have a few days off when Sofia comes home?"

"Yes. I will go back to work tomorrow because there's nothing I can do for her, I can't be with her, so it's better to get back to work. My head is with Sofia all the times but as far as I remember I didn't break anything today and didn't make a mess."

"Anything new of the bomber?"

"No. Don is with us, he is also in touch with the department. When something new occurs he lets us know. Who do you think was it? And why?"

"I don't believe in terrorists anymore. If this had been their work one of them had made contact and told the police why it happened. It wasn't a gang thing, nor were the attacker some high school kids who got bored. According to what Don told me, these twelve men were all well trained with guns and knew how to handle TNT."

"They will work through a lot of orders for TNT."

"Yes. Is the scene free for the CSI now?"

"Since tonight. We're still under three hundred dead people and most people are stabilized. Two dozen are still critical, almost eight hundred are injured." While they were waiting in front of the operation room Don had sent Sara all the news on her cell phone.

"These two dozen will make it. So will Sofia. When will you go home? Don't tell me you want to wait the whole night in front of the ward."

"We can see her now and after that we'll go home. I was supposed to talk to her tonight, Greg." Sara sobbed. Everything seemed to go wrong this time. Whenever there was a little spark of hope a wave of destruction came and killed the spark.

"Tomorrow. It's better that they found the internal bleeding now that she was in hospital than when it had happened when she was home with you. She had all the help she needed right away and didn't have to wait for an ambulance. Plus they will check her really good before she's allowed to go home, more safety for both of you."

"There're only backlashes."

"No, there aren't."

"So far everything went wrong. She lost her leg, she suffered from internal bleeding, she has to stay in coma, nothing ever worked out for her."

"They saved her life twice in a dangerous situation. Two times she was lucky enough to have doctors around who helped her, made her stay alive. She has the best surgeon of the hospital who looks personal after her, will look after her when she's back home. You can be sure Sofia doesn't have to go to a doctor and wait for an hour to let her leg checked, Alison will come to your house and look after her."

"Why would she do that?"

"Because otherwise she's in trouble with her daughter. You were the favor she asked Jules for, now Sofia is a the return Jules asked her for. Means special rules for your beautiful girlfriend."

"I'm sure Jules curses the day I entered the life of her family. Since that day she has nothing but more work."

"Bullshit. My better half likes you, always liked you. And you get your ass to your therapist tomorrow after work before you go to Sofia, your PTSD sends out a lot of symptoms of depression. Do now something against them before they get too strong."

"I can't focus on that, I need to focus on Sofia."

"You only help Sofia when you're strong, with PTSD you can't be strong. Come on, I know something bothers you, something that has nothing to do with Sofia. Don't withdraw, you know it works the wrong way when you try to ignore your problems. They stick to you, they won't leave you and give you only more problems and pain. Or do you want Sofia to look after you when she's awake? Because she'll see what I saw and she will worry. When she worries about you she can't get better. If you don't go to doctor Luria for yourself do it for her."

"You're a pain in the ass."

"That's what friends are for. You go to her?"

Sara sighed annoyed. She had no time for this. No head for it neither. It wasn't a help on Monday when she was with her therapist, why should it be a help now?

"Sara?"

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"I promised you already, want me to repeat my promise? Yes, I go and see her. I talked on her mail box that if she doesn't give me a call during the day tomorrow I come to her office at five. For half an hour. After that I want to be with Sofia."

"Thanks for that."

"I should thank you, it's not like I did something for you."

"You did. When you take care of yourself I feel much better. Gotta go or your ex will give me a hard time. Talk to you tomorrow."

"All right. Thanks Greg. Say hello to the guys. I miss you."

"Miss you too, big sis."

Big sis? When did she become his sister? Not that she minded, for her he was a little brother. Always had. Brother…Sam…not the best thought…nothing she wanted to think about now. For him was time tomorrow. Half an hour, no second longer.

And she had to talk to Greg about Sam. It didn't feel right not to tell him about her brother. When did she become so chatty? Since when she have to share her private problems with other people? Must be one of the side effects of therapy.

* * *

"She looks so pale again." Marie said when they were in Sofia's room.

"Like she has a nightmare and can't wake up of it." Marc added. "Somehow it's true. They don't let her wake up, they keep her in coma and she doesn't experience anything nice. No wonder she looks like she suffers, she does."

"I hope she doesn't feel pain."

"She's on morphine, the infusion over there is it."

"What else can you see?"

"Benzodiazepine on the right hand side to make her stay in coma, liquids to feed her in her nose, she can breathe alone which is worth a lot. Her vitals look all right, to me there's no reason why she shouldn't wake up tomorrow. Unless there are other complications but there is no indication for one."

"There was no indication for the internal bleeding."

"For some things there are no indications. There weren't any indications on Sunday that the Kodak Theatre and the other buildings explode the next day. Some things don't have indications."

"And they happen anyway."

"There are some things we can't influence."

"I hate being helpless." Marie sighed and watched Sara, who sat on the edge of Sofia's bed, one hand the blonde's hand, eyes closed like she talked to her without words.

"If our daughter doesn't get better any time soon we'll have our daughter-in-law in here too. Look at them, you see barely a difference in their appearance." How much had changed the last time she saw her daughter and her girlfriend together. The two happy women, who were in love and enjoyed their life, were gone. There were only shadows of these women left. One sitting and holding the hand of the other who lay in bed and was as white as her sheets. There was barely any life left in both of them. So wrong.

"Sara." Marc put his hand on her shoulder. "Are you all right? You look pale."

"I'm so scared."

"She's all right."

"She's in hospital, she can't be all right." People who are all right weren't in hospitals. They were at home, on the beach, in the wood, watched a movie, went for a run.

"The operation was successful, you don't have to worry anymore." Doctor Bendler had entered the room without that any of them heard her. "She's stable, we checked on internal injuries, there aren't any left. We wake her up tomorrow evening, if you want you can be here, hold her hand while she wakes up."

"Yes."

"Okay. Be here at six. I assume you want to be here too?" Doctor Bendler looked at Marie and Marc.

"Yes, of course."

"Same for you like for Miss Sidle. Be here at six. Shall I ask a colleague to be here when your daughter wakes up? Because of her leg."

"I'm not sure if Sofia likes your shrink. Your daughter would be a better help. What do you think, Sara?"

"Jules is better than any other doctor."

"Doctor Weinberg doesn't work for this hospital, she isn't family, she can't be here."

"If you want the best for your special patient she's the one you want." Sara squeezed Sofia's hand a little bit. "And somebody who kicks in a door to save her life belongs to the family. For a shrink she's great – as a friend she is simply great."

"My daughter can visit Miss Curtis the day after tomorrow like any other friend can. No bonus for being my daughter anymore, she got enough already."

"Or being the ex of one of the doctors."

"I briefed them all not to give her any special treatment anymore. There are rules and you have to stick to these rules."

"Like her daughter when I brought ice cream and muffins. You hear that, Honey? They are so similar, like you and your mother. Amazing. Which makes me wonder…no, I shouldn't wonder or think about it…I miss you Sofia, please wake up tomorrow and talk to me. I've no idea if I can handle another day without talking to you. I definitely can't survive another evening like today. I just can't. Please, please wake up tomorrow. I need you so much." Sara buried her face in Sofia's hair. She was tired, there was no energy left. Another day like today and she had no idea if she could continue or end up next to her lover. Or worse.


	14. Chapter 14

**Friday, June 10th**

"Doc, I have to be back with Sofia soon, they'll wake her up at six." Not the nicest way to greet your therapist but Sara had no time for being nice. There was only one thing on her mind and that was Sofia.

"I know, don't worry you will be there, Sara. Have a seat please."

"Sorry." She dropped on the arm chair she always sat and took a deep breath. Relax. Arrive at your new place.

"Thanks for checking on her, taking care of some wounds."

"You're welcome. I tried to help where I could."

"You know what happened yesterday?"

"Yes, doctor Weinberg told me." The doctor handed Sara a cup of tea. "Drink something. I'm sure you forgot to look after yourself."

"I'm alive." Sara grumbled. Busted. She didn't drink enough the whole day, barely ate and didn't waste a thought about herself. All that count was Sofia.

"We want you alive and healthy. Are those dark lines under your eyes because of Sofia or are some of them because of your family?"

"Sofia is my family. My only true family."

"You know what I mean."

"My mother hasn't called me and if she did, I wouldn't answer the phone. Neither would I answer a call from an unknown number caller." Whenever her cell phone rang her first thought was it was something with Sofia and the second was the fear her brother or mother called.

"Do you want to avoid them for the rest of your life?"

"At least as long as Sofia needs me. I don't have time nor the head to worry about them. My mother is the reason why I ended up here, if she had been a real mother I never needed therapy, Trevor's trial had been easier for me and if my brother hadn't left me alone I could have stayed with him instead of foster families. Why should I pay attention to them?"

"They are a part of your life."

"Not an important one."

"Compared to Sofia nothing is important to you. When she's back home – which should be by the beginning of the next week if there aren't any more complications – will you work on your family topic?"

Sara sighed. "Honestly, I can't imagine I give anything or anybody else than Sofia my full attention. When she is back home I want to be there for her, completely. And not think about my mother or my brother all the time. They are not important. You really think she'll be back at the beginning of next week?"

"I can't see a reason why she should stay longer. Of course I don't know her medical record but her leg shouldn't be a reason to keep for a long time. The internal bleeding is stopped, she should be fine to leave within a few days. It all depends on how she feels, how she copes with the new situation. And she'll need a neurologist, there'll be phantom pain, strong phantom pain."

"She might suffer from PTSD too."

"Yes."

"You can't help her, can you?"

"It wouldn't be good. She needs a therapist of her own, Sara."

"Jules said she can recommend somebody to Sofia if she likes. Could you do the same?"

"Since when don't you trust doctor Weinberg anymore?"

"I trust her. But if you suggest the same person I can be sure this one is really good."

"Jules might recommend a psychotherapist, I recommend a neurologist who also works as a psychiatrist to have one doctor for both areas. If Sofia wants I can give her a name or names."

"Thanks."

"I'd like you to give your own life some thoughts, Sara. With Trevor facing trial again and your brother trying to contact you after a long time, there are a lot of things going on in and with you. Sofia is your highest priority, I'm aware of that. You are her highest priority and as that you should take care of yourself."

"She doesn't know about my brother or my mother's call. I never told her." And felt so guilty for it. She kept it a secret. Hadn't they sworn to tell each other everything? To let the other help? She broke this promise.

"Will you tell her?"

"Yes." As soon as there was the right time for it.

"What will you tell her?"

"That mom called and she and Sam want to see me. I can't see me going up to San Francisco to see them nor do I want them – or Sam in this case – here in Los Angeles. Marie, Sofia's mother, offered I can come to Vegas and meet him there. I told her about the call."

"Do you think about the offer?"

"Yes. At the moment it's the only way I can imagine I want to see him. Vegas is like home, I feel safe there and I've…I've family there. Marie and Marc both treat me like I'm a part of their family, like I'm their daughter. I feel more love from them than I ever felt from my parents. For them I'm their daughter-in-law. It doesn't matter that Sofia and me aren't married, all that matter is we love each other. I…this…something like this never happened to me before. I never…I never had a family…damn." Now she was crying again. Annoyed with herself she grabbed a tissue out of the box that was placed on the table. She had used this box way to often. Why did therapy make her cry all the time? How could therapy be good when she cried all the time?

"They love you and worry about you, want to make sure you're all right."

"Yes."

"What makes that feel you towards your mother?"

"She doesn't deserve the title mother. If there are any criteria for being called a mother. All she did was giving birth to me."

"There are a few, it depends on how you see a mother. Traditional it's a woman who gives birth to a child, raises it. Nowadays with surrogate mothers, a woman who supplied her ovum is a mother too."

"She didn't raise me, she didn't care about me, she didn't take care of me, she didn't save me, I think she was a surrogate mother who stuck around for a while."

"Your brother?"

"Somebody who lived in our house and never cared about the other people there. My father slapped both of us, Sam was away whenever he had the chance."

"You sound angry."

"I am angry. Mostly at me because I'm angry with him. He shouldn't make me angry anymore, I shouldn't care."

"What would you say to your brother if he sat in front of you now?"

"Fuck off! You weren't there when I needed you, now I don't want you in my life anymore. I've people who care for me, who are my real family. You're nothing more than a part of my past and I don't want you in my present or future. Go back to where you came from!" It felt good to say out these words loud, with all the anger she felt.

"Do you feel like slapping him?"

"No! I'm not my father!" Sara almost jumped up. Mostly because she felt how she clenched her fist and felt like punching something. She had to stop this. Violence didn't help, it was bad. She wasn't like her father. She didn't solve problems with her hands. And she wasn't like her mother, she didn't solve problems with a knife.

"Of you're not your father."

"I…he…I…"

"Sara." Doctor Luria got up, put her hand on Sara's shoulder. "Take a deep breath please."

"I don't need breathing exercises, I need to leave and see Sofia."

"No, stay. You need a few more minutes, I can't let you go like this. Please. Lean back, close your eyes and take a deep breath."

Biting her lips the brunette did what she as asked to do. She wasn't her father, she wasn't her mother.

"The urge to hurt somebody, physical hurt somebody, is not unusual. We get taught by TV and other medias violence is normal, it's nothing you have to be ashamed of. You're a victim of violence, you experienced yourself what it means to be a in the hands of somebody who is stronger, has power over you.

Now somebody of your past, when you experienced this violence, steps into your life. It's natural to defend yourself. Animals don't do anything else. You attack them, scare them, drive them into a corner, they attack. It's how we stayed alive for all those years. It's necessary to survive."

"I'm not like my father."

"No, you're not. You don't hurt somebody just because you can. You're not like him. You are a good person. And when your brother presses himself into your life you have a right to fight him. He has to accept your decision, if he doesn't you can push him back. Even physically. You're not a victim, you're a strong woman, you can fight him. And it's right to fight him if he threatens you, scares you. Okay?"

Sara nodded.

"Good. Does Sam still live in San Francisco?"

"I don't know and I don't care."

"If he lives somewhere else, on the east coast, the middle and comes to Vegas to see you, it must be important to him to meet you."

"Not my problem."

"Are there any circumstances you could agree on meeting him?"

"Not at the moment. When Sofia is back home and feels good maybe. Until she isn't better I don't care about Sam nor my mother. Sorry doc, but my priority is Sofia."

"Which is absolutely okay, Sara. She's your partner."

"If I could I'd ask her to marry me."

"She'd say yes without hesitation."

"You think?" For the first time today there was a little smile on Sara's face. Being the real daughter-in-law of Marie and Marc. A nice thought. Almost as nice as being Sofia's wife. Never seemed a commitment be this good and important to Sara. A promise to love Sofia, to stay with her for the rest of their lives seems to be the right thing.

"Absolutely."

"Thanks. Would you come to our wedding?"

"As your therapist I can't come, sorry."

"These therapist rules suck, do you know that?"

"They're there for a reason." Doctor Luria chuckled.

"Doctor Weinberg forgot them."

"Because she's seriously involved with your best friend. She had no other choice if she didn't want him to give up your friendship. And she waited for a year before she had any contact with you."

"Seriously involved? What does that mean in your world?"

"It means you're not paying attention to your problems, Sara. Sam?"

"Not a topic anymore. Lets make a new appointment, I need to go to Sofia. Your…aunt won't wait until I'm there and I don't want to miss a second of Sofia waking up. I want to see into her eyes as soon as they're open and tell her I love her."

"And she wants to see you as soon as she opens her eyes. Shall we go back to our usual Monday appointment? Four in the afternoon?"

"Yes." If everything worked out the way it should Sofia was home then. Sara crossed all her fingers that this would happen.


	15. Chapter 15

"Sorry I'm late." Sara gasped for some air. She ran the whole way from her car into hospital, up the stairs because she didn't want to wait for the elevator and was glad to see Marie and Marc waiting for her.

"You're not late, doctor Bendler said six, it's five to six." Marc said.

"You're here."

"We've been here the whole afternoon, couldn't stand sitting around and waiting. Sofia is still in her room, everything seems to be fine. The last big check on her was around noon, no sign of any complications."

"Good."

"How was your day?"

"I thought the whole time of Sofia, must have driven my colleagues crazy."

"Everything will be all right." Marie pulled Sara into her arms. "I'm glad you talked to your doctor, you have to take care of yourself Sara, even when it's difficult at the moment."

"Impossible. But I'll see doctor Luria on Monday again. We go back to our usual appointments."

"That's good. Are you ready to get in?"

"Yes. We shouldn't let Sofia wait."

"Or doctor Bendler."

"I'm not sure if she would wait."

"She would." Marc smiled. He opened the door for them and all three stepped inside. There was this certain smell of hospitals on all stories, for Sara it felt like this story, this ward, smelled especially like hospital, disease, medicine and…death.

"You must be the visitors for Miss Curtis a male nurse greeted them.

"Yes. We're her family."

"Please follow me, the doctor is with her, everything looks fine and she should be awake very soon."

Words that sounded like music. Sofia should be awake soon, everything was fine. It was one thing when Marc told her these words, something else when a nurse said them.

Doctor Bendler was next to Sofia's bed, checking on the machines when they entered the room.

"Look who is here Miss Curtis, your whole family. I'm sure they like watching at you asleep but after four days in a row it's time you wake up and talk to them. Why don't you relax and let the medicine get you out of this long dream?"

In Sara's eyes Sofia looked more rested than yesterday. After the emergency operation her lover looked like in pain, like she had a lot of stress and could barely manage to cope. Today she looked more relaxed.

"Oliver, you stay here and have a look at our patient. I injected the medicine, she should start to wake up slowly now. She's likely to feel pain, increase the morphine dose when she's awake and get me. I'd like to welcome her into the world of the awaken people.

Now to her family: if you want to hug Miss Curtis please make sure she keeps all her injections. She'll be in pain, with the morphine we're able to reduce that. Fact is, when she goes home she has to bear the pain, we can't give her the amount of morphine she gets here. It's important that she has a doctor who checks on her, she needs a specialist for her nerves, you might want to have a look for a neurologist. Plus the leg and the incident on Monday. When things like that happen to people it has an impact on their soul, she needs a doctor for that. I can recommend a neurologist and psychiatrist if you want or you have a look for yourself."

"I talked about this with doctor Luria, she wants to recommend somebody who is a neurologist and psychiatrist. Please give me the name of the one you have on your mind too, I'd like to have some possibilities in case Sofia doesn't like one of them or they don't have time for her.." Sara hoped her girlfriend would agree on seeing somebody. If she was as stubborn as Sara was, it would be quite a hard job to get her into the office of a shrink. After all she was a cop and they were strong and could handle everything.

"It's nice to see you're more sensible when it comes to your girlfriend than to your own health. Will she be as stubborn as you were?"

Sara looked at Marie.

"Probably." The captain sighed. "She's a lot like her mother. Together we'll make her take the help."

"The sooner she works on these things the sooner she loses them. All diseases and disorders are easier to treat when the treatment starts in the beginning."

"Get her out of the coma and we work out the rest."

"Sofia gets herself out of coma, captain. Oliver is around, he will contact me if necessary. This shouldn't be the case. I talk to you and your daughter later, after she's awake."

"Thanks."

Sara took a chair, sat next to Sofia's bed and hold her hand. With one eye she observed the tubes with the other she watched her lover. Only a few more minutes and Sofia was awake. The first time she could look into her eyes since Monday morning. An eternity. The first time since Monday morning that she could hear her voice, tell her she loved her.

What did Sofia know of Monday? Could she remember the whole day? Only until she arrived at the scene? Could she remember the pain when the building exploded and she was hit by something sharp? When she flew through the air and landed somewhere hard? Were all these bad memories still there? Or had her mind deleted those scenes and there was nothing than black. Like Sara's mind had deleted most of the bad things that happened to her. Only with the therapy she was able to reconstruct the things that gave her PTSD. Only when her doctor guided her carefully through it she could face the days again, could face what happened. Would it be the same with Sofia?

Sofia was a fighter, would she continue to fight after she realized she lost her leg? When she realized her dream of working with the police wasn't possible anymore; not the way she had planned it. With so many bad news would she be able to continue her life? And Sara's biggest fear: what if Sofia didn't want her in her life anymore? Self pity could make you push away the people who love you. Sara had been there, she knew about the danger.

"I think her eyelid moved a bit." Marie said. "Sofia, can you hear us?"

No reaction. Sara squeezed her lovers hand. "Squeeze my hand if you can hear me, Sofia. I'm here, I hold your hand." Nothing. Was it too soon? Did Sofia need a little bit more time? Was something going wrong?

"Is there a reason why she doesn't hear us? Doesn't react?" She asked the nurse.

"Give her some time, she had been in a coma for four days, she needs some time to wake up. Rushing her through the process wouldn't be good for her. The vitals are like they're supposed to be, everything is fine."

"How can everything be fine when she's still in this bed?" Sara mumbled. Until Sofia wasn't with her, in their house, nothing was fine. Could their life ever be fine after the explosion? Could they ever be happy again?

"Talk to her, Sara." Marc said. "Tell her about your day, what happened the last days. Anything nice."

"Anything nice? Uhm…our dogs. They miss you, I told you that already the last times but you can see with every day you're away they miss you more. Scooby leaves food in his bowl, Rantanplan whines and stays the most time in our room or in front of the door and waits for you. They need you back home.

Don, Jules, Kyle and Lynn are outside, they want to see you, hope they're allowed to talk to you today. Don's arm gets better, Lynn had a shock but she's fine and Kyle was stuck in traffic, nothing happened to him. Your team is fine. They want me to let you know you won't get out of the basketball group, there's no way they let you out. Greg had to go back to Vegas but he'll be here next week to see you, talk to you. They all wish you all the best, hope you'll recover soon. And I…I just want you back. Without you my life isn't complete. I love you." No tears! Not now. Don't let the first thing Sofia see be a crying lover. She deserved better after four days in coma. A smile. A loving smile to show her, she wasn't alone and was loved. Loved more than anything else.

"Love you too." Carefully like she talked for the first time, a little bit blurry and with a sigh like it was hard work Sofia answered and opened her eyes.

"Sofia!" When their eyes met there was nothing that could hold Sara back. The chair fell backwards and she hugged her lover. "There you are again. I love you. I love you so much. You are awake. Thanks god for that. Oh Honey, I love you." Great, now there were tears. Happy tears. Happy tears were all right.

"What…where…mom? Dad?"

"Hey baby, glad to see you awake again." Her mother smiled and blinked a few times to lose the tears in her eyes.

"How are you?" Her father asked, his voice obviously shaken too.

"I feel…strange…painful…did I drink too much and have a hell of a hangover?"

"No."

"Where am I?"

"In hospital."

"Why?"

"Because you had an accident. Can you adjust the morphine?" Marc saw pain in the eyes of his daughter. Right now the full blow of pain hasn't reached Sofia's conscious, in a few minutes she'd feel it.

"Sure. Hello Miss Curtis I'm Oliver, I give you something for the pain."

"It's not that bad…"

"Believe me, you'll be thankful for it in a few minutes. Can you see me clearly?"

"Yeah, more or less. My eyes are filled with salt. How long did I sleep?"

"Since Monday afternoon."

"What's now? Tuesday morning?"

"Friday evening."

"What?"

"I get doctor Bendler, she can explain you all the important things."

"Doctor Bendler? Jules's mother?" Sofia looked at Sara. What was going on? Why did nobody give her a full explanation of everything? She missed four days, slept four days, there had to be reason.

"Yes." Sara couldn't let go of her lover.

"Can somebody please let me…ouch…" There was the pain. A sting. "Honey, you need to get off my left leg, it hurts."

"I'm not…" Sara bit on her lips. She didn't touch the leg. She sat on the left side of Sofia's body but not on her leg.

"There's pain." Sofia wanted to sit up and was held back from Sara.

"Wait."

"What? I want to see what stings me."

"There's something we have to tell you." Marie said.

Slowly Sara got up and gave Sofia the full view of her leg. All the color left the blonde's face.

"No! No! No! " Unable to get her eyes off the sheets she repeated all the time this one word. To be sure that what she saw was real, she pulled the sheets away and looked at her left leg, that ended at the knee with a big white bandage.

"Sofia, we…" Marie started and was stopped by her daughter.

"No! Please…leave me alone!"

"Sofia…"

"I don't want to see anybody! This can't be real!"

"I can send them all out but it won't change a thing." Doctor Bendler came into the room.

"You can go as well."

"That won't happen."

"What did you do to me?"

"We had to amputate your lower left leg or you had bled out, I'm sorry. There was no choice." The voice of the doctor was a matter-of-fact-voice, no pity, no sorrow. Just the truth.

"No choice? No choice? Nobody asked me if I want this! Maybe I prefer to die than being like…like this!"

"As a doctor it's my job to save your life. No matter what. We did that."

"I don't want to see anybody anymore!"

"Of course you can make the decision your family and friends aren't allowed to see you, it's up to you. Bear in mind it won't change something and they're not here to pity you, they're here because they love you. You've been unconscious for four days, suffered from internal bleeding yesterday, they were here for you."

"Why didn't you let me die?" Tears ran down Sofia's face. Half of her leg was gone. Her life was over. She was worthless. Everything she ever wanted, she loved, enjoyed was over now. What kind of a life lay ahead? How could her life be enjoyable under these circumstances?

"I want to be alone."

"Sofia…"

"No mom, leave me alone. Please. I want to be alone."

"I'm sorry but when your daughter insists on it I've to ask you to leave."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"I don't believe this." Marie shook her head.

"We'll be outside if you change your mind, Honey." Marc put his arm around his wife and guided her towards the door.

"Miss Sidle, you need to leave to."

Sara looked at Sofia. "You can kick me out but I want a minute first. After that I go. A minute alone."

"Miss Curtis?"

"What for?"

"One minute, Sofia."

"Okay."

"I'll be back soon to check on you, Miss Curtis." Doctor Bendler left the room.

"Say what you have to say."

Sara got her keys out of the pocket, took one off and threw it on Sofia's bed. "There's your key. I assume when you don't want me in here you also don't want me in your house and your life. I'll pack my stuff tonight and leave in the morning."

"What…"

"There's no reason for me to stay. Obviously you don't love me anymore, why should I stay? I get my stuff and go, let you drown in self pity and drown in my own self pity because I was so stupid that I really believed you love me. You played me the whole time, respect, you were great. Have a great life." Sara turned and started walking.

God, this was hard. It hurt. Every inch she moved away from Sofia felt like she moved away from her beating heart into death. It was wrong, it was the opposite of what she wanted to do. But she had to do it. There was no other way. Sofia did exactly what she did when she pushed the blonde away and the only way to make her understand she was making a mistake was doing what she wanted her to do and hope, she'd wake up before it was too late.

"You can't be serious."

"Just as serious as you are." She opened the door. "Bye." Without waiting for an answer she closed the door behind her and took a deep breath. Fight the tears, fight the tears. She couldn't cry now. She had to keep herself together.

"What happened?" Marie saw Sara's face and knew something was wrong.

"I gave her my keys back. I told her when she wants me out of her life I'll be out of it completely. I'll pack my things and will leave in the morning."


	16. Chapter 16

"You can't be serious, Sara she doesn't know what she's saying…"

"She made it clear she doesn't want me, she has what she wanted."

"Tomorrow the world will look different."

"So will her house. Without my things."

"No!" Marie got into Sara's way when the brunette wanted go. "No way I let you go! Forget it. You come with me." She grabbed Sara's hand and pulled her into Sofia's room. "You will tell her now that you don't want her to leave, Sofia! Now! Are you nuts? Did you hit your head? This woman loves you, she almost lost her mind the last days because she worried so much about you, you are her life, she told the doctor if they can't save you, they can put her right next to you into a grave. You can't tell me you don't love her anymore.

Don't say something wrong, think hard what you say now because I'm sure if she goes now there's no way you, me or anybody gets her back. Do you want to lose her? Do you really want her out of your life? Do you?"

"Apparently she wants it this way. I won't stop her, won't ask her to be my personal nurse. She has better things to do than care about a worthless gimp."

"Are you listening to the bullshit you say? A few moments ago she told you that she loves you, she was with you when you woke up, can't recall that the nurse in the room did the same. Sofia, please use your head. I won't stop her again and I'll let go of her arm now, you better make sure she stays here or you lose her. Do you really want that? Don't you love her anymore?"

"How can anybody seriously love me when I look like…like this."

"Sara, do you still love Sofia?" Marie asked.

Her pride told her to ignore the question or say something like it didn't matter, she could just go. Why tell the blonde something she didn't deserve to hear? Why should she make a fool out of herself? Then there was her heart that screamed only one thing: Yes! Yes! Yes! Of course she loved her. More than anything else. Sofia was her life, her only true love.

"I love her more than anything else and it breaks my heart that she doesn't want me in her life anymore but love means that you have to accept the decisions of the one you love. She made her decision and I will accept it, no matter how hard it is, how painful." Sara's eyes met Sofia's and she swallowed. "I love you but if you don't want me in your life anymore I will go."

"I don't want…I love you…but how…how can you love me when I…when I'm incomplete?"

"You should talk and take for that more than a minute." Marie pushed Sara towards the bed. Children. They wanted to be adults, wanted to be treated like adults and when it was time to be adults they behaved like kindergarten children.

"Why would I not love you anymore Sofia? You're still the same woman you were one week ago. You haven't changed."

"I lost my leg."

"I'm aware of that. That changes your body but it doesn't change the person I love."

"Don't you think I look disgusting?"

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, your leg doesn't change a damn thing about that. Okay, when you walk around Venice in shorts now, maybe there won't be dozen of men and women turn and undress you with their eyes but for what it's worth I do. To me you're beautiful."

"How am I supposed to walk around Venice?"

"On your right foot, your prosthesis and with your hand in mine."

"I'll limp."

"Not necessarily. If you do, doesn't matter. Not to me. Not to your parents, not to Don, not to Kyle, Lynn, Jules or Greg. And especially not to your dogs."

"I feel like…I lost my old life, the life I always wanted and now I'm left behind with this garbage."

"That makes me garbage."

"You're not garbage."

"If your life now is garbage I'm garbage too."

"Sara…shit…"

"Yes, I'm shit too, shitty garbage."

"No, you're not…" Sofia buried her face in her hands. "I'm sorry. Could you…could you come here, not stand there like you're about to go?"

"You wanted me to go."

"No, I don't. Please." Sofia petted on her bed.

Slowly Sara walked to her, sat on the edge of the bed.

"I hurt you."

"Yes."

"I'm sorry."

"Did you mean what you said?"

"No. Of course not." What a stupid question. She loved her. And when she pushed away the shock, the pain, the self pity she knew it.

"Why did you say it?"

"Because…I don't know. Shock? I woke up and half of my left leg is gone. That's like living in a nightmare and I …please don't move out. I love you and I want to be with you."

"You hurt me."

"Yes. I'm so sorry."

"It was a stupid thing to say when you sent me away, when you sent us all away. We love you."

"I know, I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

"Not forgiving you would be stupid, I did the same when I vanished because I thought I'm a burden for you and you're better off without me. I was wrong, I was very stupid, hurt you and you forgave me. There's no reason to be mad at you."

Sofia offered Sara her key. "It's your key."

"Under one condition."

"Whatever you want." Sofia meant it. She'd do whatever she had to do to make Sara stay.

"I want a kiss." A little smile appeared on the brunette's face. For the first time. A smile that made Sofia's heart jump. There was her Sara. The woman she loved. She smiled for her. Because of her.

"Denied. One isn't enough." Sofia pulled Sara in her arms and kissed her. She lost half of her leg yes, but also almost lost the love of her life. The first thing wasn't her fault, the second one would have been the biggest mistake of her life. She realized this now.

* * *

"I'm glad you changed your mind." Doctor Bendler gave Sofia a good look over, checked on the machines. "You look better now."

"That's because of the wonderful woman next to me." Sofia squeezed Sara's hand. Since they had talked they hadn't broken contact. They needed to feel each other, needed to be as close as possible.

"It might be your company, girlfriend, parents but it's also you. There are some friends of you outside, they don't really want to accept that I told them you can't have a party in here. Three showed me a police badge and the fourth one said she's your therapist. What am I supposed to do with them?"

"If you keep the police outside they'll arrest you of obstruction of justice and my therapist is important for my health, my mental health." Was she ready to face her friends? Less than an hour ago she wanted everybody to leave the room, her life. Could she stand their looks? When they saw what happened to her. Of course they knew but there was a difference between knowing and seeing something.

"What about the pain?"

"Since your male nurse gave me more morphine it's better." Sofia looked for a second at her leg. It hurt to look at what was missing. She couldn't bear looking at her left leg for longer than a blink of an eye. It would take some time before she was used to her body it looked now. The change. "Did you …was it you who amputated the leg?"

"Yes."

"Why? What happened? My parents told me the was the explosion, apparently something hit me. I can't remember it, I can remember that I drove there, I watched people die from bullets that seemed to rain and that's it. I can't even tell you where I was."

"They found you not too far away from the Kodak Theatre. A piece of window glass flew through the air due to the explosion, hit your left lower leg, the cut was deep, you lost a lot of blood, we almost lost you because of that. It was literally the last minute you got here. When we tried to stop the bleeding we saw that the glass had cut through most of your muscles, blood vessels and veins. It was impossible to reconnect them, repair them in any way so we had no other choice than amputate your leg beneath the knee.

I talked with your family if it was better when you wake up with a therapist by your side, who knows what to say in situations like this. They agreed it was better when you wake up and are with them. We respected their wish, I offer you the therapist now. You're still in shock, there are more than physical consequences, it can only help when you talk to somebody about what happened, about the things you can remember and can't."

"You said there's a therapist in front of my door."

"It can't be Jules, she's your friend. You need somebody neutral, somebody you don't know. We have an expert here for the time you're here and he can give you names for therapists outside. Like I suggest you look for a neurologist. I can give you two or three names, Sara talked to doctor Luria about these doctors, she can provide some names too. In the end it's your decision but it's better to get some help. The loss of a limb often triggers depressions, due to the explosion you might develop PTSD and you know from your girlfriend, that's nothing funny. There's no need to make a decision now or tonight, you can think about it tomorrow and let us know when you're done."

"Will I get a prosthesis?"

"Yes. And there're no reasons why you can't continue your life. You can go out, you can walk your dogs, go for a swim and work. Your life isn't over, it has changed. You were given a second chance, Sofia."

"I can't become a police captain anymore. Not with my legs. How am I supposed to defend myself? I can't work the streets anymore." How could this be a second chance when she couldn't do what she loved to do? When she lost one of the important parts of her life?

"Are they all out on the streets? You can stay inside."

"I'm not made to stay inside." Sofia sighed. The idea of staying inside for the rest of her work life didn't make her happy. "When I was a kid it was hell for me to sit the whole day in school, I needed fresh air, needed to be out. My mother grounded me for various reasons and all the time I climbed out of my window because it was impossible for me to stay inside."

"You will find something that suits you."

"Yeah…what about the internal bleeding? Can it return?"

"Only when you give it a reason. There are no reasons to worry about it now, you're fine and should be able to leave in a few days."

"Really?"

"Yes. Your wounds get better each day, you've been here four days, give it another four or five days and you can go home. If there are no complications. Although I'd rather send you to a rehabilitation center, but I assume, you don't want to go there."

"No, not if I have a choice. I want to go back home. As soon as possible."

"Wednesday, if you're lucky Tuesday. Not sooner."

"Wow, that's cool. I thought I had to stay forever." Some light in her dark tunnel. Getting home. Although the thought scared her a bit. The change. Did she have to change her home a lot? Could she continue to live there the way she was used to?

"No, we don't want you around forever. You're too much trouble, you bring too many people in here, the vending machine is always empty." Doctor Bendler smiled. "We'll try to make Tuesday your last day, don't be mad if it's Wednesday. You will have rehabilitation here and continue it when you're home. Like you have to see a doctor frequently. Twice a week I'll come around and have a look after you and your leg."

"Wow. How comes?"

"This annoying therapist outside made me promise it."

"We should let her and the police in, don't you think."

"Exceptional." Doctor Bendler looked at Sofia's parents and Sara. "If I hear any party music from here you'll get kicked out – expect for you Miss Curtis. You will stay here without any visitors."

"Ouch. She's a party pooper, just like you mom when I was young." Sofia grinned at her mother.

"There were very good reasons why I stopped your parties."

"Nonsense. We had a lot of fun."

"You were a trouble maker."

"They never stop being one, no matter how old they are. The trouble just changes." Doctor Bendler sighed. "I get mine in here and go back to work. Captain Curtis, I give the command over to you, make them behave the way it's supposed to be in hospital. Otherwise you all have to leave and I can't promise you'll see Sofia any time soon."

"No problem, I know how to handle detectives and officers and I'll make sure this therapist won't turn into a terrorist." Marie grinned.

"Can you remember the day we got Jules some ice cream and she and me found out our mothers should never meet? Now you see why we said that!" Sofia complained at Sara like it had been her idea to have both women in one room.

"Because you both love your mothers."

"Even when they don't make it easy for us to love them all the time."

"Lieutenant, you better show some respect!"

"Are we in the middle of the police academy?" Don asked.

"Who gave you the order to talk, detective? Down and give me ten?"

"Uhm, can I have a rain check on that? Like for a time when I have two arms available? Until then I give my lieutenant a hug and a kiss. Good to see you awake and alive." Don hugged Sofia and placed a big sloppy kiss right on her cheek. "I missed you at home and in the department. Your team is a mess without your firm hand. You have to put on some clothes… no, forget that I said that, you can stay in your sexy shirt and come with me."

"What happened to your arm?"

"The pressure of the explosion threw me against a wall, too hard to let my shoulder and arm enjoy it. The shoulder is dislocated, the arm is broken. No need to worry, I'll be fine."

"And you are both fine?" She looked at Kyle and Lynn.

"Yes, nothing happened to us." They hugged Sofia. "We were far away. We miss you and don't you think you can leave the team, you stay a full member and before the end of the year we want another competition. We can still kick their arrogant asses." Kyle blinked at Sofia. Most times they lost against Don and Lynn. Most times, not always.

"And the therapist, what brings you here?"

"I want to see how the women is I asked so many favors for the last days. Glad to see you awake, you scared us a few times."

"Sorry, it wasn't my intention."

"Better not. The dragon did take good care of you."

"Who do you mean? You can't talk about your mother because if you do, my mother will tell her everything, they made a pact. You remember the day Sara and me got your ice cream? We were so right!"

"Of course we were, we're always right. And guess what I've got for you: a muffin."

"From the shop?"

"Where else? The one and only muffin shop across the street. Unfortunately I couldn't get you any ice cream because I had no idea how long it takes before you wake up and I can smuggle it inside."

"Am I allowed to eat it?"

"If your mother doesn't tell anybody, we certainly won't." Jules grinned. She had talked to her mother before and got her okay. Sofia was allowed to have this muffin.

"Mom, you won't mention this muffin. Gosh now that I see it, I feel hungry. And what could be better after five days of liquids than a muffin?" Sofia took a big bite. Food. Yes, she was very hungry. And because her mother saw how happy Sofia looked with her muffin, there was no way she'd tell anybody about. Quite contrary, she planed to bring her daughter a big box the next day.


	17. Chapter 17

An hour later Sofia was alone in her room. All her visitors had to leave to give her some rest. And time to think. After the shock when she woke up with half a leg missing and the fight with her lover she had tried to put on a happy face. For her family, her friends and partly for herself.

On her cast was Sara's name written in black letters. A few hearts were around the name, big smiley and in capital letters: I LOVE YOU. Her girlfriend must have written it on it when Sofia was in coma. She loved her, her feelings hadn't changed. Carefully she stroke over the words and the smiley.

The old Charlie Chaplin song came into her mind:

Smile, though your heart is aching  
Smile, even though it's breaking  
When there are clouds in the sky  
you'll get by  
If you smile through your fear and sorrow  
Smile and maybe tomorrow  
You'll see the sun come shining through  
for you

It seemed unreal that there was sun come shining through tomorrow because nothing about her situation would be different. No matter how often she smiled, no matter how she often she waited for another day, the part of her leg was gone and it wouldn't come back. Never. All she got was a prosthesis and that's it. A plastic leg. Okay, not really plastic but not her own leg. A replacement. Nothing could be an equal replacement to her real leg. No matter what mankind create, it can never be as perfect as what mother nature gives you.

Now here she was, a broken arm, a dislocated shoulder, bruised and scratched, with one and a half leg. This was her new life, the second chance she got. They hadn't told her much about Monday, hadn't given her any details about the explosion but what she heard was enough to know, it was huge and there were a lot of dead people. The only thing she was thankful for was that her friends seemed to be fine – despite Don and his arm and shoulder. Kyle and Lynn had no scratches and Sara was fine.

Tine to worry about her own health. Her future. Watching the little drops of morphine falling down, ready to enter her system via the tube she knew the next weeks and months would be painful. Physical and mental. A little taste of phantom pain was given to her after she woke up, when she thought Sara sat on her leg. She didn't need a doctor to know it would get worse. For how long could she take morphine and what came after it? Being on a drug twenty-four/seven as a cop was impossible.

Could she continue working as a cop? Inside the department yes. There was no reason why she shouldn't sit on a computer, answer the phone and talk to people who wanted to file charges. Desktop work. A pen pusher. That wasn't her thing. Sitting the whole day in a building, she'd die like a flower in a dark room. No, no desk life. There had to be another possibility. When she was out of hospital she needed a conversation with her boss. After all the accident happened in the line of duty.

"You look tired."

Sofia flinched. She hadn't heard how doctor Bendler came into the room. The older woman didn't look that rested herself. It was a hard week for her, not a lot of sleep. No need to ask about it, Sofia knew it. The job of a doctor wasn't that different from a cop's job when something like this happened. The doctors fought for lives, the cops fought to get the people who caused the death and injuries into custody so they couldn't hurt more people.

"I am."

"But you can't sleep because you're restless."

"Yes."

"Do you want something that helps you with your sleep? To have a rest."

"No, thanks. I'm sure I'm on a lot of medicine already and will continue to take it for a long time. Or the rest of my life." She was about to become a junkies. A pain blocker junkie.

"You will take some pills for a long time, yes."

"Great."

"Was it right to let your family be here when you woke up or had you preferred to wake up with a doctor? To have some time to realize what happened."

That was a good question. With her family around she didn't feel alone when she woke up. On the other hand she had been overstrained with the bad news. The shock, fear, pain, hate, helplessness, jealousy. All her friends were still able to continue their life, had their legs, only she was incomplete. Worthless.

"I heard Sara when I was unconscious. I heard her voice, not her words and it felt good to know she was there. When I was awake and realized what happened to me I was…shocked. I lost half of my leg, I was…I was disgusted by myself. Now there's a big bandage, soon there will be nothing, I will look like an alien.

How can Sara be attracted to me? How can she have feelings, romantic feelings, for somebody like me? Somebody with only half a left leg. Why does she want to share her life with me? I will make her life more complicated. She has enough problems already, she doesn't need more problems, doesn't need me and my problems."

"As far as I know your girlfriend had similar thoughts when she left you. Jules told me only a little bit about it, but she wanted to leave you because she felt like a burden, like you can't be happy with her. She has scars you can't see but they effect her life. You have lost half of your leg, it's visible, leaves scars as well. Inside and outside. You love Sara despite her past, her problems, scars and nightmares. She does the same with you.

Before the accident you were without a doubt a beautiful woman and you know what? You are still a beautiful woman. The amputation doesn't change that. Besides I'm sure Sara is more attracted to your personality."

"Yeah…her ex wasn't exactly a cover boy, more an elderly scientist codger. But a great boss, a wonderful friend with a warm heart and his own little mistakes."

"See."

"For somebody who didn't know all the details you nailed it quite good."

"A doctor has to be good at observation and making conclusions. Like a cop. I like to think of myself as a damn good doctor."

"You're the best surgeon they have in Los Angeles, the nurse told me this much. And I'm very thankful Jules asked you to take care of me and that you did and do it. I'm sure you've enough on your hands and don't need another patient and her whole family to take care of. I'm sure they didn't make it easy for you."

"No, they were a pain in the ass and I was close to kick them out more than once. Your mother wasn't very cooperative and threatened my doctors and nurses."

"Sounds a lot like her."

"We gave her credits for being a scared to hell mother who drove a long way to see her daughter. They all spent a lot of time sitting in front of the ward, waiting for any news of you."

"I acted very stupid when I sent Sara away. And my family."

"They forgave you, they know you were in shock and they love you. No matter what."

"And I love them." Sofia looked at her leg. "It was a close thing, wasn't it? Keeping me alive."

"It wasn't a walk in the park. You were very lucky, I told you before it was literally the last minute."

"Did I end up on your table or did you come around later?"

"You ended on my table. I called Jules as soon as there was a minute so she could call Miss Sidle. We thought first we could save your leg but it wasn't possible, there was too much damage. I was aware that I might kill your career with the amputation but I prefer to kill your career than let you die under my hands. I can't stand it when people die under my hands, too many died there this week and there was no way I let you be one of them. There was not only professional pressure and pride but also emotional pressure. You're a friend of my daughter, I had to be extra good to keep you alive. Family made emotional pressure."

"At the moment I've difficulties to feel happy about being alive. The future will be so different to what I imagined it all the years. New things scare people. Maybe I need to change a lot of things. Then I think that a future, no matter how it will look, with Sara is better than death without her. I haven't done all the things I want to do with her, we know each other for a couple of years but I really know her since she's in Los Angeles. Definitely not enough time." Could there ever be enough time when it came to Sara? Hard to believe.

"Sara was here every day, we had to send her away because she couldn't see you, she used every chance she had to have at least a short look, bribed my people, your mother fought with me, was about to fight with another doctor. Jules talked her ex into calling Sara when there were any news on you. They all knew what happened to your leg and they never showed any sign of pushing you away because they think you're incomplete."

"You called her Sara and not Miss Sidle."

"I guess the last days you were all too much involved in my life so I developed some emotional connection or something like that. Don't know, ask Jules, this kind of hocus-pocus is her area."

"Hocus-pocus?" Sofia grinned.

"You're a cop, I'm a medical doctor, we work with real things, things you can see. You don't press charges against somebody because his karma has the wrong color, you use hard evidence, things you can see, touch, read, hold in your hands."

"Jules would tell you off for these words."

"My daughter is at home where she belongs. You should try to get some sleep, tomorrow all those people who invaded your room today will be back, maybe even more."

"Do you and your doctors have a lot of plans for me?" Sofia doubted she was supposed to sit in her bed for a few more days and do nothing. The doctors must have plans with her, maybe there was another little operation planed. She surely looked like she could use some more medical attention. Plus the physiotherapy they mentioned before.

"We have a few appointments for you, with your guests you'll be on a tight schedule. Whenever it gets too much, no matter if with your family or the treatments, let us know. It's important you get enough sleep and have time to relax."

"Okay. Thanks doc. Thanks for everything. I promise I do everything I can to get well soon. You didn't save my life for nothing."

"No, I saved it for a lot of good reasons and I'm glad I succeeded."

"Now you are on the same level like your daughter, who kicked in my door to stop me from doing anything stupid."

"She kicked in your door? Seriously? I thought it was a joke."

"No, she really did it. Ended on her belly, not very elegant but it got her into my room. And I talked to her, stopped scaring her and my friends and used my brain again. Don't ask me how she did it, must be her hocus-pocus."

"She's good at her psycho magic."

"The best." Sofia smiled. And when Jules heard they called her work psycho magic and hocus-pocus they were both in trouble. After all, psychology was sciences – kind of.


	18. Chapter 18

**Saturday, 11****th**** of June**

"You are early." Marc looked up surprised when Sara came into the living room. It was two in the afternoon, her shift didn't end before three. For a second he feared something happened to Sofia, the hospital called Sara and that was the reason why she was back earlier. But the look of the face of his daughter's girlfriend was relaxed, there was no fear.

"Yeah, they said I should go home earlier to see Sofia. My boss was very happy for me when I told him she's awake. He said it's written all over my face she's awake." The dogs came in from the garden, greeted her and made themselves comfortable on her feet, Rantanplan's head on her lap. They noticed the change in their human around, knew something good had happened. Scooby still didn't eat all of his food and Rantanplan still spent the whole night in front of Sofia's bed but they felt, there was a good change.

"It is. It's written all over our faces. Last night was the first time since Sunday I slept. In a way my body got some time to relax. The last nights whenever I fell asleep I was ready to jump up and run to the hospital in case my cell phone rang or you called us because they called you. Now with Sofia awake, out of coma, the worst part is over and we are allowed to relax, think of ourselves." He put the paper away and sipped on his tea. Seeing him sitting on the couch, his feet up, made Sara feel at home. It was good to come home and somebody was there. A family member.

"Where's Marie?"

"I sent her shopping. The fridge is empty, the dogs need new food and she needs something to distract herself, allow herself to be a woman and not a worried mother. That's why I sent her to the big shopping center with al these horrible boutiques. She'll forget some of her problems over new skirts and shoes, will buy me things I can't stand but will wear to make her happy and she'll get you and Sofia something."

"She doesn't have to…"

"Take, don't argue with her. It's important to her to do this. We almost lost our daughter, when we saw her awake yesterday it was like she was born again. It was a long and hard labor but we are happy she's there and we can hug her again. Marie will celebrate a second birthday for Sofia. When we see her tonight there'll be cake and sweets."

"Starbucks coffee."

"I beg your pardon?"

Sara smiled. "Sofia loves Starbucks coffee. They've got crème brulee coffee at the moment, she's addicted to it. I'll get her the biggest cup they have."

"That's a good idea. Will Don join us?"

"He better does. And he better went to his doctor today." It felt odd to Sara to say these things. She of all people who tried to avoid doctors as long as possible told him to see his doctor and let him check on him. Since Don had been in hospital he didn't see a physician to let check on him. Instead he worked a lot, took barely care of himself.

"It's Saturday, Sara."

"Oh."

"Don't worry Marie took him to the department doctor, she went to his department, talked to his captain and he was sent to the doctor. Due to the incident on Monday the department doctor works today. And I'm afraid every other physician too."

"Good. I bet he didn't dare to put up a fight."

"No, he doesn't argue with a captain. Plus he's like a son to us, when his second mother tells him to see the doctor, he does it."

"A second son and a second daughter-in-law. You want a big family." Sara smiled.

"Marie gave birth to two children and we adopted three. Two daughters-in-law and a son. Don is like a brother to Sofia and we're happy they share this place. To be honest first we hoped there's more between them, they got along so good and seemed to spent a lot of time together. Then Sofia told us she doesn't want to date men anymore and Don would be the last man on earth she'd date. Finally she found a man who made her laugh, had the same job and interest she had and was reliable, she didn't want to risk these things over a relationship. Even when he was damn good looking."

"Damn good looking? I need to talk to my girlfriend about our housemate." Sara grinned. Sofia was right, Don was all these things and more.

"I called the hospital today and asked when we can see Sofia. She'll be done with all her appointments by four, we can come and see her at five, give her an hours to relax and have some sleep."

"Okay." Almost three more hours. Sara had hoped they could go to the hospital right away and see the blonde.

"She needs a rest before we come and see her." Marc read her mind. He understood she wanted to go there soon, be with Sofia.

"I know. I miss her and I wish we could take her home today."

"When we can take her home on Tuesday we're lucky. She needs medical attention, needs morphine for the pain. Of course she wants to be here, wants out but they can take better care of her than we can. And after the internal bleeding I feel much better when she's surrounded by doctors for a few more days until we're sure everything is all right."

"You are right." That didn't make it easier. Only bearable. Stroking the heads of the dogs she sighed. Patience. Patience was such a horrible thing and made your life more difficult.

* * *

To say she wasn't nervous would be a lie. There wasn't a reason to be nervous, she knew it and when she was honest to herself she wasn't nervous, she was scared. Scared something bad had happened again. Scared when they arrived at the hospital a nurse told them there was another backlash, that Sofia lost conscious again, there was another internal bleeding or anything else bad. It seemed to be more possible something went wrong than right. The last days most things went wrong.

So when Sara opened the door to the ward Sofia was in she took a deep breath and waited for somebody to step forward, talk to her, make her stop and bring her some bad news. Marie and Marc next to her looked also a little bit pale, like they expected something to happen any time soon. They were all a little bit suspicious at the moment. Suspicious and used to too many negative changes.

"Shall we ask if Sofia is in her room or just go there and have a look ourselves?" Sara asked.

"We ask. If the open her door and find an empty or no bed I'll get a heart attack." Marie answered. "If anything happened, I want to hear it from a doctor or a nurse, want to know immediately what it is and where to find our baby."

"Good idea." Sara went to the room where the nurses were. One sat on the computer, which the brunette took as a good sign. When this woman could sit here relaxed there couldn't be a emergency case. Meant, Sofia was fine.

"Hello, we would like to see Miss Curtis, is she in her room?"

"She should, her therapies are over since one hour. You know which room?"

"Yes. Thank you." Sara breathed a sigh of relief. Everything was all right, there was no reason to worry. No complications. The first good news in a long time.

Followed by Sofia's parents she went to the room, knocked on the door and entered. Not that pale anymore the blonde sat on her bed. When she saw her lover a smile appeared on her face.

"Hey."

"Hey." Pulling Sofia carefully in her arms Sara kissed her girlfriend. "It's good to see you awake."

"It's good to be awake. Hi mom, dad."

"Hello dear, how do you feel today?"

"Like I got ran over by a train."

"Are you in a lot of pain?"

"Yes and if they didn't give me enough morphine to tranquilize an elephant I'd die of pain. I have no idea how I can stay at home with this pain."

"You'll get pain killers, strong pain killers." Her father assured her.

"Yeah. By the way, that's Kate, she's a victim of the explosion too."

Now Sara saw the woman in the bed next to Sofia's. She was in her late fifties and her arm and head were covered with thick bandages.

"Hello. You don't look too good neither."

"Good evening. No, I'm not that bad injured like Sofia but I felt better."

"A broken arm and head injuries?" Sofia's father asked.

"Yes. A nurse?"

"Not anymore, when I was with the army I was a nurse. Did you talk to your doctor, Honey?"

"Not yet. Doctor Bendler wants to come around later so you can talk to her too. She knows my family has just as many questions as I have."

"We're happy to see you in your bed. Before we came here we asked a nurse if you're there. The thought of open the door and see and empty bed was too scary. What did all the doctors say you have seen today?"

"I'm lucky." Sofia made a grimace. She didn't feel lucky. Maybe she was lucky to be alive but she definitely didn't feel lucky. Only when she held Sara's hand, could look into the eyes of her lover, she felt lucky. Lucky to have her. Lucky she wanted to stay with her and didn't leave her because of the leg or the stupid things she said yesterday.

"You're lucky you survived."

"I'm lucky I've got you."

"Not as lucky as we are to have you." Sara squeezed the hand of her lover.

A knock on the door made them turn.

"Not another doctor." Sofia sighed with a grin. "I thought my therapies are over. Come back tomorrow."

"No, this therapy is an after work therapy." Jules smiled. "It's a muffin therapy."

"Muffin therapy? I love muffin therapy! Have a seat, start the therapy!"

"We have some cake as well." Marie said.

"A double therapy? Even better. A party…there wasn't a party ban for today. Kate, what do you think, shall we let them organize some coffee and we have a muffin and cake party before the nurses come along with their poor excuse of a dinner?"

"Your party, your sweets, Sofia."

"I share. Mom, there should be some coffee outside, it's not great but better than nothing."

"Well, for you we have a crème brulee coffee from Starbucks. Somebody told me you love this stuff we got you a big one in a thermo."

"I love you. All of you. And you get the kisses." She pulled Sara back and kissed her long and passionately. "You're my angel."

"Would you love me this much without coffee?"

"Do I have to answer this stupid question? Of course I love you, no matter if you bring me coffee or not. But with coffee I love you even more. Crème brulee coffee. Starbucks coffee. The coffee here really sucks, want some of my coffee?"

"No, it's all yours."

"Do I get more coffee when I'm back home?"

"Yes."

"Great. Doctor Weinberg?"

"Miss Curtis?" Jules laughed.

"I need your advice as a doctor. Your mother wants to give me the names of various doctors, she said I need a neurologist, a psychiatrist and an orthopedic. Can you give me a few names? I want to see if you name the same like her and your cousin. And do I have to see a worse version of you?"

"Worse version of me?" The psychologist chuckled.

"Yeah, no other therapist can be as good as you are. All the others are only worse versions of you."

"It would be better. Depending on the psychiatrist you can have your therapy there. A pain therapist might be helpful too. I give you a few names, actually I have a colleague in mind for you. He's good."

"Why don't I get a sexy woman like Sara did ?"

"Because it's therapy and not date hour. Besides, who said he doesn't look good?"

"Again, he can't be as Sara's former therapist."

"Your girlfriend sits next to you." Jules reminded Sofia amused of Sara.

"She knows about it. I told her I'd ask her out if she wasn't her therapist. She wasn't jealous…now that I think back. Why weren't you jealous, Sara?"

"You had a…you made worse choices." Sara almost mentioned Sofia's short affair with her ex. Something the blonde didn't want her parents to know. "And at that time I was sure she wouldn't date a friend of mine…I was wrong on that!"

"Sometimes things happened and you can't change them, even when you're supposed to. You can't make a decision with whom you fall in love."

"Tell me about it, I fell for a smug blonde. That was a hard time when I realized I can't change it."

"Hey!" Sofia pinched Sara.

"Look at them. Less than twenty-four hours after our daughter is awake again they can't stop teasing and mocking each other. They look so happy when they do it. I tell you Marc, they're meant for each other." Marie sighed and put a tray with coffee cups on the bed. "There is so much love in their words."

"She called me arrogant, mom!"

"Self-confident, dear."

"Yeah." Sofia grinned. "You heard her? I'm self-confident. Stop calling me smug."

"Smart, magic, ultimate gorgeous."

"Nice try." With a smile the blonde leant back. When her family was around and she could talk to Sara she almost forgot her pain for a minute. That should be a good sign.


	19. Chapter 19

Two hours later everybody was gone. Everybody but Sara who sat next to Sofia, held her hand. The blonde had her eyes closed, snuggled with her right arm onto the brunette's left arm. She was tired, the day had been very exhausting and she was more than due to a long sleep.

"Shall I go and let you sleep?" Marie, Marc, Jules, Don, Kyle and Lynn left half an hour ago. It was written all over the blonde's face how tired and overstrained by all her visitors.

"No, stay a little bit longer. Please." Holding on to the brunette's arm Sofia turned her head and kissed her lover. She didn't want to be without her, needed her a little bit longer around. After so many days of being separated they needed some more time together. Her room mate Kate was asleep after she got some pain killers and sleeping pills.

"Okay."

"How are you doing? You look tired."

"I didn't sleep a lot."

"Do you have nightmares?"

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. It's more important that you get well soon and come home."

"Sara, please."

"The most important thing for me is to have you back as soon as possible. Really. When you back home, when we're back together in one bed, I can pull you in my arms, the nights will be good again. You know when you're around all nightmares disappear. They're scared of you.

I see pictures of you in my dreams…bad pictures. When you came out of surgery on Monday I had only a short look at you and it was…scary. You looked in so much pain, like you were broken and I…I realized it almost lost you. Wasn't sure if I won't lose you at all. The doctor didn't have a lot of good news. When you make it though the night and the next day you should be okay. I wanted so much to be with you, sit next to you, hold you hand and make you feel you're not alone and they sent me away. It was a nightmare.

Last night was a better night, I slept a little bit but…without you I can't relax. I need you by my side. When I lay awake for a while I remembered something Jules told me when she was my therapist: I've to learn to sleep without you in the same bed. At one point we can't be together every night. The last nights told me I'm not ready to spend nights without you."

"I'll be back with you soon. They said Tuesday, I won't stay longer."

"If it's better for you to stay another night you will stay. I can handle another night but I can't handle another backlash."

"Okay. Do you see doctor Luria?"

"Yes. I saw her yesterday before I came here and we'll go back to our Monday afternoon appointments. Means I'll be with you a little bit later."

"I prefer to have you with me a little bit later and with the help of doctor Luria than earlier and with ghosts that haunt you."

"We are two strange people, aren't we? Your body is bruised and so is my soul."

"We're a match."

"Yeah. I love you." Sara kissed her girlfriend. "My perfect match."

"We get through this, won't we?"

"Absolutely. There's a change in our life, most of this change you have to handle because you have to make new choices. All I can do is tell you I'll be with you, support you and love you. Your accident hasn't changed my feelings to you, it showed me how much I love you and that my life is only complete with you."

"You are the reason why I want to fight. At the moment I can think of how my life will be after I left here. My old life is over, I can't get it back and I need to make decisions how to continue. With you. I mean, of course you're the center of my life but I'd like to have your support when it comes to questions like: what can I do now. What about my work. Our life outside work. There are so many questions I have for doctors and…it's all a lot." Tears ran down the blonde's face. It was too much. It was scary.

"We get through all these things together. Doctor Bendler is here, she will be there when you are back home. You have the names of doctors from Jules and her, we get you all the medical help you need and your family and friends are with you. You heard what the guys said, you're not allowed to leave the basketball team."

"I've no idea how to play basketball ever again but I'm willing to try."

"Good. And now you go to sleep, your eyes are tiny and you need your rest."

"Will you be back tomorrow?"

"Yes. Around eleven for an hour and then again at four. You don't have so many appointments tomorrow, we can have cake and coffee together."

"Starbucks crème brulee?"

"Of course."

"Sounds great. Maybe I'm allowed to leave the room. In a wheelchair and sit with you in the sun. When they took me to all the examinations today I had a few looks out of the windows. The weather is so great, I miss sunshine and need some fresh air."

"We'll talk to your doctor. Sleep tight." Sara kissed Sofia softly. "I love you and look forward to see you tomorrow."

"Love you too and I'll dream of you."

* * *

Her eyes popped open when she felt somebody was in the room, walked around. Doctor Bendler stood next to her bed and checked the machine.

"You should go back to sleep, Sofia."

"How do you know I'm awake when you haven't looked at me?" Asked the blonde surprised. The eyes of the doctor laid never on her, only the machines.

"The machine tells me. We have your heart rate on the screen and there's a difference between sleep and being awake."

"Okay. What time is it?"

"Ten."

"Aren't you off the clock?"

"I am. All I wanted was another look at my special patient, make sure you're fine. In how much pain are you?"

"Shouldn't you first ask if I'm in at all? Or can you see this on the screen too?"

"I don't need a screen, I know your injuries. Do you want some more morphine?"

"Yes. I hope I can sleep a few hours with it."

"I get you morphine and something for your sleep. You will sleep anyway but it's better when you sleep more than less."

"Tell the nurses who get in the room in the morning and wake people up."

"Nobody wakes you up, Sofia. They all know you're supposed to sleep and recover."

"The breakfast isn't worth getting up for."

"Not? Is the coffee you get at LAPD much better?"

"I've my own coffee machine…doc, when Sara and my family are back tomorrow, is it okay when they take me out? I've been in closed rooms for a while and would like to be back out again. Only for a few minutes, to have a coffee and some cake. Sunshine is good for my soul, makes me happy."

"There shouldn't be a reason why you can't get out on the balcony for a few minutes. Your family brings you some coffee?"

"Yeah, café brulee, the good stuff. They spoil me."

"You deserve to be spoiled, you had a few big battles the last days. Let them spoil you, it's good for you and for them. Seeing how they can make you happy, put a smile on your face, means a lot to them."

"I'm a lucky woman to have my family and friends."

"Yes you are."

"And my leg…I still can't look at it for longer than a second or two. It makes me feel sick, makes me cry. How long does it take until I'm used to it? Until I accept I lost half of my leg and understand, it doesn't mean my life s over and I can never have fun again?"

"You need to be patient. It's a big bad change in your life, it takes some time. When you allow yourself to get some help it will be faster. I'm sure Jules gave you the same of some of her colleagues."

"Yeah."

"Give the hocus-pocus a try. As far as I know it helped your girlfriend too."

"I'm not sure if it was Jules or her hocus-pocus who helped Sara most."

"Both. Give it a try, it will be somebody she can imagine for you, somebody who knows how to help you. Our orthopedic will see you tomorrow, have a look at your leg. He will prepare everything so you can have a prosthesis ASAP and continue to do all the things you did before. Which will take a while but you don't have to spend the rest of your life on a sofa and watch other people having fun."

"I need to talk to my boss about my work."

"Keep work out of your mind as long as possible. The next weeks you won't work, your leg needs some time and your arm is broken. The first thing we have to work on is to get you home, arrange a few things so you can live there. You will need home care, a wheel chair until your arm is healed and you can use crutches."

"My left side is a disaster."

"Your left side was closer to the explosion, you're lucky your right side of the body didn't get this much hurt. We get you through it. Lay back, close your eyes and sleep. I adjusted the morphine, your pain will ease soon."

"Thanks doc."

"You're welcome. Sleep Sofia." Doctor Bendler stroke over Sofia's left arm and watched her drifting into sleep. Her special patient was brave and would make it. Out of hospital and back into her life. She had the help she needed and the willpower to get through all the possible backlashes.


	20. Chapter 20

**Thursday, June 16****th**

"Ready?"

"For the third time: yes. Yes I'm ready. Absolutely ready, Sara. Lets get out of here!"

"Good." Sara bent over and kissed Sofia. "Time to go home." Sofia was allowed to leave the hospital tonight and without any detours Sara drove straight from work to her lover. Sofia's parents were there too, all ready to get the blonde home. It had taken Sofia two days longer than she hoped, instead of Tuesday the doctors made Thursday her last day, but it had been for her own best. At one point Sofia was close to leave on Tuesday, ignore all the advices and just leave, because she was sick and tired of being in hospital. Sara made her change her mind. There was a reason when the doctors wanted the blonde to stay and she'd rather wait two more days for Sofia to return than take her back to hospital after a day or two and wait another week for her.

"Finally." Sofia looked at the wheel chair in front of her bed. "Do I have to get into that thing?" The wheel chair was all right for the time here, now that she could go home she didn't want it anymore.

"If you can manage to walk on one leg, using one arm for your crutches you can walk. The odds are good that you fall on your broken arm, your dislocated shoulder and can stay in your bed a little bit longer." Marie said. "Forget your arrogance."

"I look like a gimp."

"One more stupid comment like that I will throw all the chocolate muffins we bought for you in the trash." Sara grumbled. "You look like my beautiful girlfriend, you look gorgeous as usual and everything else is a lie."

"How am I supposed to walk around the house? I can't get up the stairs into our room with the wheelchair."

"There's a good looking and strong cop who is a friend of you, he offered to carry you wherever you want to be. When your arm is fine again you can use the crutches until then you need some help and we're all more than happy to help you."

"Don has a broken arm, he can't carry me."

"Kyle."

"Oh, but he doesn't live with us, it's a lot of fuss when he…"

"You either stop complaining and go home or you stay here or a rehabilitation hospital." Marc ended the discussion.

"Home."

"Good. Get into the chair."

Mumbling a few words Sofia got carefully into the wheelchair. She tried it yesterday a few times with her physiotherapist to get used to it. Moving until she sat on the edge of the bed, getting the wheelchair in front of it, holding on with the right arm to the bed and lowering herself down until she sat in the chair. Done. Now came the only fun part of her current situation: it was an electrical wheelchair, all she had to do was pressing a button and the chair drove. Not fast and she wasn't allowed to have a wheelchair race (not in the hallway of the hospital she got told not very friendly by a few nurses after she did exactly this with two other patients) but she could get herself around without a lot of help.

"Ready, set, go!"

"Do you want to end up in trouble again?" Sara knew about the race and the comment of the nurses.

"When we go down to the reservoir am I allowed to have a race with you? The sidewalk is even."

"You, me and the dogs. No races in the house, there isn't enough space and no races on sidewalks or steep roads. You won't try to get down stairs with it, not even one and you will not drive off road."

"You're no fun to be around."

"If that keeps you save I can live with it."

"Great. Thanks."

"Ready to leave?" Doctor Bendler asked when the little group made their way towards the elevator.

"Yes. Thanks for the accommodation, the bed was narrow but the mattress was good. You can improve on the food and beverage, the housekeepers are fun, your room service people aren't. Your entertainment program sucks and your sport coach is a torturer. How many stars do you have by the way?"

"One and she's leaving. Don't forget your appointments with your therapists, they are both important. I come around on Saturday around seven in the evening and have a look at you. The home care is organized, they come to you tomorrow morning at eight and change your bandage. They might decide you need more attention, come to your place twice a day. If I hear that you're mean to them you'll be in trouble. Understand?"

"Jeez, you really sound like my mom, that's creepy. The only thing missing is you threaten to ground me. Sara, lets get out of here, I feel like I'm a teenager again. In a not good way."

"Thanks doctor Bendler for everything. We will make sure Sofia doesn't ruin your work." Marie shook doctor Bendler's hand. She was very grateful her daughter was the special patient of the best surgeon in town.

"If she gets snappy at you, call her therapist and tell him. He'll love to make it a topic in their session."

Sofia stopped her wheel chair. "Who says I'll go to a shrink?"

"I." Sara kissed Sofia. "We have a deal and it's like a promise. Or are the promises you give me nothing worth?"

"There's the elevator, we should take it and go home."

Sara smiled. When you know how where the weak spot of a person was, you had a lot of power and when you use the power wisely it made your life much easier. Because she knew Sofia's weak spots and the blonde knew hers, they were even.

* * *

"Seriously, how is this supposed to work out?" Sofia looked at the stairs. Ten days ago she never thought about her stairs, never paid any attention to them, they were there and they didn't bother her. Now she sat in front of them in her wheelchair, looked at them and found out there were eighteen steps. Eighteen more than she could handle at the moment. The next weeks.

"You will spend most of the time upstairs the next weeks."

"Great. Like a princess in a tower. When I'm up there I can't get out of the house and take the dogs for a walk, when I'm down here the toilet is like in another universe."

"Roll over to the new shopping center, they've a toilet for disabled people." Don grinned.

"The shopping center is like two miles away."

"See, you give the dogs a walk this way. The only thing you have to make sure is to start before you have to go to toilet. Or you have to try a restaurant…the library?"

"I hate you."

"I love you." He kissed her. "It's good to have you back home. We'll figure something out for you. If this stupid cast wasn't there I could carry you."

"Somebody told me you're working. Shouldn't you take some days off?"

"I will. From today on I've a week off."

"Anything new of the bomber?"

"Yes. No. Sort of."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?" She knew it! They kept information away from her. It was about time she was back home and get all the information she needed herself. Now she had a telephone, internet and could get in touch with her colleagues.

"Because you were in hospital and it's fresh."

"Talk! Mom, Don has news about the bomber, why did you not tell me?"

"I had no idea he has this information, he never mentioned it. Report, detective."

"Can we go inside first? Like in the living room?"

"Sounds sensible." Marc answered. "I smell coffee, there are muffins, why don't have a seat, a coffee, muffins and Don tells us then what happened?"

"Okay. Hurry!" Sofia started her wheelchair. Coffee and muffins sounded great, Don's story could be even better. She was just in the room when loud barks and knockings on the door got her attention to the door to the garden. Scooby and Rantanplan jumped against it, happy to see Sofia. They heard her voice, saw her, now there was only this glass door between them and her and they looked like they were willing to break the door.

"My babies!" She opened the door and a second later she was on the ground, moaning with pain, buried under both dogs, sloppy tongues all over her, paws stepping, jumping, climbing on her, not caring about her arm, leg and shoulder. Marc, Don and Marie had to pull them off Sofia, which ended up in barking and snarling.

"Are you all right?" Sara hurried down to help Sofia up. "Scooby, Rantanplan, sit down! Now! Can't you see Sofia is injured? You hurt her! Sit down!" Slowly the dogs obeyed.

"I'm fine. Ouch." One of her dogs jumped on her shoulder, the sharp pain made her see little stars.

"Do you need something? Shall we call a doctor?"

"Bullshit. Scooby, Rantanplan come here, slowly. Got me? Slowly. I'm al little bit bruised at the moment." Her parents came closer with the dogs so they could sniff on Sofia. In turns she petted them. "See, that's better. You can let go of them."

"Sure?" Marie asked. She didn't want to see her daughter on the ground again. It almost got her a heart attack when she saw her there.

"Yes." Immediately Scooby tried to climb on her lap. "No! Scooby, down! Stay down! That's it. You can put her head on my lap but you can't climb on it. See, this is a cast, my arm is broken and when you or Rantanplan try to climb on me, jump on me, it hurts." She let them sniff on the cast. "Better. I'm really happy to see you guys, I missed you and I promise I will stay with you for a while. Not sure how we manage to get by because I can't walk at the moment, so we can't just get out for a run. Looks like you have to come up to my room and visit me there while the dog sitter takes you out. But when Kyle is around he can carry me down and we go down to the reservoir."

"Give me a few days and I can carry you too."

"Don, six weeks for the cast after that physiotherapy to get the old strength back. Did you not listen to your doc? Three weeks for the shoulder. Until you can carry me it will be Christmas or new year."

"Sara, what about your work out?"

"Don't you dare to try it, Sara. When you hurt your back we have a problem, you're only healthy one in the house, don't risk your back for something stupid like carrying me around."

"I might carry you from the chair into bed, everything else I leave to our Mister Universe."

"Yeah, my personal body builder would be nice, who can carry me up and down the stairs, is my company while you're at work…" Sofia caught the evil eyes Sara gave her. "…then again I don't need him, I've got you, my Misses Right. Right?" She grinned.

"Exactly. Sit."

"I sit already."

"On the couch, you can put your legs up, that's better than being in the chair the whole day."

"Yes nurse." Sofia drove to the couch and got onto it. With one crutch and her good leg she could get up and change from wheelchair to wherever. If jumping wasn't so painful she could try to move around that way. Up and down the stairs. Until her shoulder wasn't better and her friends out of house she better didn't try it.


	21. Chapter 21

When they all had their coffee and muffin there was no reason to hold back all the questions Sofia had.

"Don? Who were the bombers?"

"This morning we found a room of a group that called themselves "True Believers". They were unknown so far, nobody in any of our departments heard of them before. They were twelve, which is consistent with the bombers. The walls in the room were painted with portraits of the twelve apostle. It seems like they saw themselves as them. There were a lot bibles, a lot of bible stuff and plans of the Hollywood and Highland Center. Twelve point marked the place where they could have been when they shot and later let their TNT belts explode. CSI has to confirm that.

At the moment it looks like they are responsible for what happened last Monday. We don't know why, we don't know if there are more than twelve apostle, our colleagues are working with the new information, on the new angle. As soon as I know more I let you know."

"You better do, I'm still your lieutenant. They were a cult?"

"Maybe. We'll find out. Enough for now, we both don't work. Our colleagues will close the case without us – not as good and fast as with us but they will. You trained them, you taught them a lot, they can handle it."

"I could work in the department…"

"Sofia? You will work on your health and nothing else. The department needs you fit and not on twenty percent. When you don't care about yourself most you're no help for our guys."

"My left leg doesn't slow me down by eighty percent. I still have a brilliant brain."

"Your leg, your arm, your shoulders, your bruises, scratches."

"I can drive around in my wheelchair."

"You will go to your therapy. Our boss will never let you come back until your arm and shoulder are fine. You can't even use the computer, believe me, it's unbelievable for how many tasks you need both hands to press all the keys." He had been there a few times.

"Sitting around for ages, not able to work, painful therapy, wow I can't wait for this."

"You can handle it. A tough lieutenant won't give up only because the going gets tough." Sara kissed her lover. "And you will be back in your office this year."

"This year is a pretty long time, only half of it is over."

"Another half a year we can be together, wake up every morning arm in arm, have barbecues with our friends and family, fight with all the things that try to get us down. I look forward to a lot of more day, months and years with you."

"My little Miss Sunshine." Sofia put her head on Sara's shoulder. Her lover did really everything to cheer her up, show her the bright sides of life. "Thanks for supporting me."

"Hey, I love you. Of course I support you. There's nothing I can do to give you your old life back but I will try everything to make your life as good as possible."

"Our life."

"Our life." Sara squeezed Sofia's hand.

The door bell got their attention away from each other.

"I can't open the door! Finally something good, it's not me who has to get up to open the door, get something to eat or drink when we sit on the couch. There are butlers who do that for me."

"Don't get used to it, as soon as your arm is out of the cast you have to train a lot, means you will walk a lot." Don warned.

"That will take a little while."

"Knowing you, you'll be faster than anybody else."

"Pressure. He puts on some pressure."

"Or a challenge?" Marie offered. She had watched her daughter for a while, tried to figure out if she was save here or if it was better when she went to a rehabilitation place first. Something Sofia would never agree on. So far it looked like she didn't have to argue about it.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Positive shit."

"My favorite cop is back home." Jules came into the room. "And she's swearing again. When a patient swears she feels better and is on a good way to get well soon. Exactly what I wanted to hear and see."

"A shrink. I don't have an appointment until Friday."

"You have your appointment already? Very good." Jules hugged Sofia. So it helped she had asked a favor from her friend. "How are you?"

"Want a friend answer or a therapist answer?"

"An honest one."

"A part of me still disavows what happened to me, then I look down and instead of seeing what is really there – or isn't there – I see what I saw all the years before. So much on the bad side. The good side is I realized I want to fight my way back into my life, there are some positive vibrations and I know there are worse things that could have happened to me. I lost half of my leg that's bad, but if I've lost one of my friends or a family member it would be worse."

"That was a therapist answer."

"I know…you think I can use it for my therapist?"

"Yes."

"Will he ask a lot of questions after it?"

"That's his job."

"Damn it. What do I have to say that makes him leave me alone?"

"Tell him you don't have any money and he has to work gratuitously."

"Okay. Thanks. And thanks for making your mother my personal doctor."

"She's a pain in the ass, has an awful attitude but is the best doctor you could get."

"We won't tell her what you just said when she's here on Friday. Have a seat, where is Greg?"

"He cancelled his trip."

"What?" That was new to Sofia. "Why?" She couldn't think of a reason why Greg cancelled his trip. He said he wanted to see her and Jules was here. What could possible keep him away from his girlfriend? This didn't sound good.

"He has a few things to sort out."

"You didn't fight, did you?" Not more bad news. No break up. She wasn't in a state to handle a break up of her friends. Not when she painted in her head already their wedding and thought what she can wear – now she had to rethink this part but nevertheless, she wanted this wedding to happen.

"No."

"Good." What a relief.

"He will be back soon and brings more time than just two days. Who knows maybe you have a personal male nurse soon."

"Sounds like something I could like. Especially because my parents will leave me next weekend and my girlfriend will be at work all day."

"You have a nice detective with you, you're not alone."

"A sexy detective." Don added.

"With a broken arm."

"Still sexy. And you know what? I kept this cast clean so you can be the first one to write something on it." He held his cast in front of Sofia.

"You want me to sign? Hah, you get a special signature." Sofia pulled her lipstick out of her pocket, added it on her lips and kissed the cast. The red lipstick was an eye catcher on the white cast. "Want another one?" She pulled his towards her face and kissed his cheek. "Suits you."

"With these signs of your love on my cast and my cheeks I should go to the department…no, they know about Sara, I can't make them believe you're mine…mhm…damn."

"A good looking man like you shouldn't have a problem to get a girlfriend." Marie wondered. There should be a woman on each side of Don.

"New single since one month. She didn't like my job, didn't like my sport teams, didn't like my friends. That's no constellation for eternity."

"Doesn't sound like it. Don't you have nice colleagues?"

"The most beautiful one got her jackpot and won't leave her for me." Don smirked.

"Are you hitting on my daughter?"

"No, I tried that once, she showed me very painfully what she thought of that and explained what would happen to me if I try it again, since that time we're friends and I've to say that's much better than a relationship that ends after a few months. Plus she'd have left me for Sara."

"I never looked for a man when I came here. I was done with you guys. There's no better place to look for a woman than WeHo."

"San Francisco?"

"No, too much Flower Power, too many drugs, you can't do that as a cop."

"Exactly." Marie crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"No." Sara looked at her girlfriend. When she understood the look Marie gave Sofia there had been a time when they discussed this topic and Sofia didn't agree with her mother. "Don't tell me your mother caught you…smoking pot?"

"I won't comment on that."

"She's your girlfriend, she has a right to know what you did when you were a nightmare teenager. Yes Sara, she did smoke pot. I grounded her for a whole month and this little bitch smoked the stuff in our house."

"Mom, you're not supposed to tell such kind of stories before the wedding or your daughter will end up as an unmarried woman for the rest of her life."

"You better marry this woman as soon as possible or you will be in a lot of trouble. She's the best you can get, don't ruin it."

"I told you they called me their daughter-in-law." Sara smiled. "You have no other choice, your parents want us to stay together, I want it, no matter what you want, we're more. You have to do what we want."

"Lucky for me I want what you want." Sofia kissed Sara happily. "And I don't smoke pot anymore. In fact I did it only this one summer to annoy my mother."

"It almost got her thrown out of high school and in jail."

"I was a typical teenager."

"Have you been like her, Sara?"

"Uhm…no. I was more into books than into party."

"Do you have to stab me in the back?"

"Sorry, I don't want to lie to your mother. I studied a lot so I could leave high school earlier and go to Harvard and Berkley."

"Maybe if you hadn't been that pushy mom, I had gone to Harvard too."

"You were smart enough for it, unfortunately you were never serious enough to study. I was glad to get you into college and police academy."

"Of course I'm smart, I was a CSI, an acting supervisor. Could have been Sara's boss."

"In your dreams."

"No, in Vegas." Sofia grinned. If Ecklie hadn't demoted her and put Sara on day shift, Sofia had been Sara's boss. The odds that this had worked out were minus a million, Sofia was aware of that, but she liked the idea.


	22. Chapter 22

Bang! Again. Why was her bathroom so narrow? Sofia stopped counting how often she hit something by the simple attempt to brush her teeth, wash herself and get ready for bed. A bigger bathroom was necessary. Seriously. And why was everything so high? How was she supposed to reach her stuff when it was like twenty yards above her? Hello, she sat here, if she wanted to get up it was hard work.

"I need a solution for the bathroom problem." She grumbled when she came back in the bedroom. "The wheelchair is more a burden than a help. When I sit I can't reach anything, when I get up and try to do everything standing on one foot I lose my balance all the time."

"We can put your stuff down so you can reach it easier. And get a stool in there to sit when you can't hold your balance anymore."

"Then I won't get the wheelchair in there anymore…or only halfway. Shit." Maybe she had to go to a rehabilitation place until she was able to walk or use both of her arms again. Home was better, was what she wanted, but it didn't seem to work out.

"Hey." Sara got out of bed and hugged her girlfriend. "We work something out."

"Easy to say, you're not the one who's caught in her own body and is useless, you can walk around and you're free …sorry." There was no reason to snap at Sara. She had the best intention and wanted to help her.

"It's all right."

"No, it' not all right that I snap at you and the worst thing is, it will happen again. I don't want it to happen but I know when I'm frustrated I'm likely to snap at you again. I'm sorry for that, Sara. I wish I could stop myself behave like that but I can't. As soon as I say it I realize it's wrong, it hurts you which makes me feel extra bad and I regret every word I said."

"I know."

"And I feel stupid and helpless, can't even change into my sleep shirt without help. You're not my nurse, you're my girlfriend."

"In good and in bad times, arm up." Sara got Sofia's right arm out of the shirt. "Now we get off the loop and then the shirt. Hold the arm." She untied the loop that held Sofia's arm in the right position and pulled the shirt carefully over the cast. "Perfect."

"You're a good nurse."

"I didn't talk about getting your shirt off, I talked about you."

"Don't get any idea just because I sit here half naked."

"Never. I want until you sit here completely naked."

Sofia sighed. "No."

"What's wrong, Sofia?"

"I won't sit here naked."

"Not?"

"No. Like I want to wear something long…long pants. I don't feel comfortable wearing shorts, showing off the bandage and when I think of how it…I will look when it's off…I don't want you to see something like that."

"Sofia." Sara took the blonde's hand. "I know how a person looks who has lost a leg."

"You might have seen picture, this is real."

"This is you, my lover, I love you. Believe me I won't let you wear something long for the rest of our lives in bed. Like I'm not willing not to make love with you anymore because of your accident. If you don't feel like it right now it's okay, I can understand that. But I won't stay the rest of our lives on the other side on our bed. I love you. I love you the way you are and there's nothing disgusting about you."

"I'll look…awkward."

"You'll look like you, like the woman I love."

"Like the shadow of the woman you loved."

"No, the woman I love. Not past tense. I'm loving you right now. The feelings haven't changed."

"I guess I'm stupid again." She snapped, she whined, she wasn't fun to be with. Why did Sara wanted to be with her? Why didn't she just let go of her and looked for somebody else? Somebody with two legs, who didn't snap at her when she wanted to help and was fun to be. Somebody not like Sofia. Somebody better. There were millions of better women available for Sara.

"You're bruised – in many ways. Why don't we get you into your sleeping outfit and get into bed? Your girlfriend has to get up early tomorrow morning and she'll wake you up too because she wants a kiss before she takes off to work."

"How can you be so patient with me?"

"The same way you were and are so patient with me." Sara kissed Sofia. "Come on, lose your pants."

"You're just after my body." Sofia laughed. "Okay, let me get up." Carefully Sofia got up with Sara's help and sat on the bed. "Can you get me my stuff?"

"Sure. What do you wanna wear?"

"Snoopy."

"All right, you get Snoopy. Summer Snoopy."

Sofia swallowed shortly. "Okay."

"You would melt in winter Snoopy." Sara blinked at her lover. They had seventy five degrees outside, way too warm to wear flannel with long legs and arms. "Let me see how good you undress yourself."

"You wanna see me strip?"

"Yes."

"That will take some time." The good thing was she didn't wear any jeans so didn't have to fight with button, her sweat pants were easier to handle. Slowly she pulled her pants down with her right hand, stepped out of it and fell backwards on the bed. "Damn. No, don't help me, let me try it alone please." She got up, kicked the pants with her right foot away and took a deep breath. "One more and we're there." She pulled off her underpants and took her boxer shorts with a Snoopy swimming in a lake on it. "Putting clothes on is much easier than taking them off."

"You have to get your clothes off. By the way I liked that you sat here naked for a few moments, now you're half naked and I have your shirt…if I don't give it to you, you have to stay half naked."

"All or nothing."

"Does all mean all clothes or all naked?" Sara cocked her head. She knew exactly which one she'd pick if somebody asked her.

"My shirt, please." Sofia laughed.

"Lift your arm." Carefully Sara got the shirt over Sofia's head. "And get into the other sleeve, that's my lady."

"Show off." Sofia pulled Sara closer and kissed her. "Time for you to strip. Feel free to dance while you do and throw the things to me."

"In your dreams."

"You can make my dreams come true."

"Not today."

"Does 'not today' mean I can ask you again tomorrow and you will strip for me then?"

"No."

"How can you deny your girlfriend, who you love more than anything, this wish? She has been through so much and needs something to cheer her up. It would make me happy and everything that makes me happy is good for me, helps me to get well soon."

"Nice try, Babe."

"Still a no?"

"Still a no. Not today, not tomorrow. Maybe when you can enjoy a strip more, when you can take my clothes of and I can give you a lap dance."

"Lap dance? Now I'm really looking forward to get well ASAP." Sofia grinned. A lap dance by her girlfriend. There was no way she'd let get her off this hook.

"Thought so."

"You better get your ass into our bed, I've been without you way too long."

"Tell me about it." Sara switched off the lights and got next to Sofia. Finally back in bed with her lover. Finally they were back together. Finally they could fall asleep and wake up together.

"Next problem: how to sleep?" With one arm in a cast it wasn't possible to find a comfortable position. Sofia was used to pull Sara into her arms, snuggle into her.

"Why don't I pull you into my arms?"

"Okay…if I lie on my right side you can hold me…and you have to get on the other side of the bed. Sorry."

"It's all right. We will get there."

"By the time we're used to this fuss I might be able to get off the cast and…you know."

"The bandage around your left knee? Yes."

"And I might be used to my physical condition."

"Give yourself some time."

"I'm scared I need too much time and you will leave me." What would she do without Sara?

"Won't happen."

"You were about to leave me when I woke up."

"No, you wanted me to leave, you didn't want to see me anymore. Like I ran away when I thought it was too much of a burden for you."

"Yeah…we're both stupid sometimes, aren't we?"

"That's why we fit so good together."

"I'm glad we're together. And now I let you sleep. Have sweet dreams. I love you."

"Sweet dreams Honey, I love you too." Sara kissed Sofia gently. It was good to have her lover back in her arms.


	23. Chapter 23

**Saturday, June 25****th**

"Sofia?"

There was no time to waste anymore. Sofia got out of her wheelchair and sat on the second step on the stairs up to her room. Don was looking for her and when she didn't hurry, he would find her before she did what she was up to – or even worse, caught her in the act. Her right hand on the railing, pulling her own weight up and pushing her body up with her right leg, One step. Perfect. Seventeen more and then…she could think about the then when she was upstairs. Step by step she got herself up.

"Sofia? Where are you?"

"On my way!" That wasn't a lie. She was on her way, just not to him. Four more to go. Three. Boy, she was tired. That was more difficult than she thought. Sore muscles were a guarantee. Not that they did not hurt enough from physiotherapy. Why did she has to go there every day? One time a week would be enough – enough pain. Her therapist wasn't that good looking either. Nor was her psychotherapist. Two therapists and both tortured her.

Done. She was on top of the world – or her staircase. Now, time for the next step. Well, no step in her case. Where was…ah, there it was. Accidentally she left a skateboard next to the stairs and Don, lazy as usual, didn't put it away. She sat on it, supported her left leg with her right arm, and pushed herself towards the bathroom.

"Sofia?"

"One moment."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm almost there."

"Where?"

Not a good question. How much time did she have when she didn't answer at all? A few seconds?

"Ouch." That was her right shoulder making contact with the door frame to her bedroom. She needed some more practice on the skateboard when she wanted to include it on her getaway vehicles list.

"What the hell…where are you?"

Oh dear, he was there. Just down the stairs. Saw the empty wheel chair and knew, she did something he didn't want her to do.

"In the bathroom…" Almost.

"What? How did you get up the stairs?"

He was coming upstairs. No more time for any accidents, get into the bathroom, turn…there he was…slam the door and lock it. Done! Escaped!

"Sofia, I can't believe this."

"And then I saw her face now I'm a believer, not a trace of doubt in my mind…" Sofia sang cheerfully. She made it! She was good. She was a queen. She, with only one and a half leg, a broken arm, dislocated shoulder and whatever else made it. And he, the one with two healthy legs, wasn't fast enough. She'd do the happy dance if she could. Maybe a happy ass shaker dance was good too. She did it! She did it! She did it!

"Are you crazy?"

"I'm in love, now I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her." Oh she was so great.

"When Sara hears about this she'll tell you off."

Good mood was gone. He wasn't playing fair. "You tell her about my success and I tell her about how the barbecue fell and who lifted it up with one hand, risking a bad back and that the whole thing drops on him and injures him. You will be in trouble when she hears it." Hah, he wasn't the only one who could blackmail people. No, no Mister. She knew enough things about him.

"That's blackmailing."

"No, that's making a bond. We both keep our secrets to ourselves and nobody gets in trouble."

"How you want to get down to your wheelchair?"

"The same way I got up here – just the other way around…well not with my back in front and my legs of behind…you know what I mean."

"I give you a hand."

"You don't have more than one hand."

"I will get you down to your wheelchair."

"Can I have some private time before you escort me downstairs?" Seriously, he didn't plan to stand in front of her bathroom door the whole time, did he?

"You won't sneak off again."

"Bye Don." She grabbed the doorknob and pulled herself up. Standing upright. Now three jumps on one leg to the toilet and the next goal was reached. She was so good.

"You have two minutes, if you're not out then I'll break the door."

"I'm out a long time." She chuckled.

"Funny girl."

"Yeah, I watched the whole last two seasons of "Ellen" since I'm back home. Why don't you get the DVD player started for us?"

"To watch what? "The L-Word"?"

"It's one of your favorites."

"You can't stand it. What about I get some music and we prepare the dinner?"

"Sounds better."

"I leave my door wide open, don't try to get down the stairs without me."

"Jeez, you're such a watchdog." She rolled her eyes. Sooner or later she could try the way down herself too. For today she had her success, she made it to the toilette all by herself in less than five minutes. The only problem was: she didn't have to use it, it was only a test how much time she needed.

* * *

"You know you were not very responsible when you climbed that stairs on your own?" Don put an orange juice in front of Sofia. They were in the garden, sitting in the shade and watched the dogs snoring. Both had been on a walk with them before. It was strange to see her neighborhood from a different angel. Things, she never noticed before, jumped into her eyes today. Even in her own garden she noticed details she never saw before. Like the two hammocks hung not on the same height, the garden swing was slightly lower than the bench and her chairs were pretty narrow to sit on. Plus the grass wasn't as even as it looked to her all the time. She had some rough time with the wheelchair.

"Oh come on, it wasn't dangerous. I sat the whole time, the only thing that could have happened was that I slipped down a step on my ass."

"Or the whole stair."

"No. I was careful and held on to the railing. My right hand is still strong, wanna try arm wrestling with me?"

"No."

"We both did things today that weren't the smartest things to do but if we do only things our doctors approve with, we'd go crazy."

"That's why we have secrets."

"More than one." She blinked at him. "What did your therapist say?"

"Amazingly I'm better with almost being blowing off than with losing Jess…why can't I get her out of my mind?"

"You loved her."

"Sometimes I feel like I'm still in love with her…how can that be? It's been four years."

"You loved her and I think it takes some time to move on."

"Like forever? I mean, all the girls I've been with the last three or so years were…I saw them only as a cheap replacement, that's why it never worked out."

"What does your therapist say?"

"You're not ready to move on and until you won't stop putting yourself under this pressure to be over Jess you won't get over her. I hate therapists."

"They are weird."

"What does your say?"

"I can't remember the bombing because I'm too scared to face it again."

"Are you?"

"No. I don't think so. We talked about it, I remember getting the page about the shooting, driving there, getting out of the car…there were a lot of people running towards me and I…I think I looked for some shelter in a shop …that's where I lose my own story."

"Guess we both will see our therapists a few more times."

"Yeah…at least you have a nice one, doctor Luria is kind of cool while mine is more…he is very old-fashioned." Why did Jules think this guy was good for her?

"If he can't handle you he isn't good."

"They are…strange people."

"Yes."

"We won't let them scare us, will we?" She put her head on his good shoulder.

"They? Us? Babe, we're cops, we're not scared about anything."

"Except of the thought there might be no donuts and muffins one day and coffee is added on the list of illegal drugs."

"Yuck, that's a really bad thought. You have to discuss that with your therapist."

"Next week." A few more days before she had to go back to her psychotherapist. One meeting a week was enough in her eyes, he wanted two but the last guy who asked for a date with her got sent away. Doctor Andrews was lucky he was allowed to see her once a week.

The heads of the dogs got up before the doorbell rang.

"Want me to go?" Sofia offered.

"No, you stay here and I open the door. Remember you have a butler now."

"Why aren't you dressed up in a muscle shirt and hot pants?"

"Butler not a call boy."

"I might call you boy."

"You can do that, sexy Lady."

She smirked. Flirting with Don was always something that made her smile. Being home was boring and drove her crazy sometimes but with him around it was bearable. They had never spent so much time together and it was great. Watching movies, TV shows, taking the dogs out and complaining about doctor and therapist appointments.

"Hey." Talking about therapist. There was one she never minded being around.

"Doctor Weinberg, how are you?"

"I'm good. What about you?" Jules hugged Sofia. "You got some sun complexion."

"Yeah whenever all those doctors and therapists give me the chance I'm in the sun and try to relax. Although it's quite warm with all these things. Why must casts be this hot?"

"They make you feel hot because they like to be so close to you – you can call your cast Sara."

"My girlfriend is much nicer and hotter than this cast. Plus she isn't that close to me or do you see her anywhere around?"

"Nope. Does she have to work longer?"

"Yeah. I hate it when she works overtime, keeps her away from me too long. But who do I tell something about being alone, you're in a even worse position." Sofia wasn't happy she hadn't seen Greg yet. He was supposed to be here, visit her and be with his girlfriend. Instead he cancelled his trips all the time. Something had to be wrong.

"Greg will be here next weekend."

"Really? That's later than expected."

"It is. For being late he promised a surprise."

"A surprise? I hope a good one."

"Do you want a beer, Jules?" Don offered.

"No, I've to drive later and the police told me you're not supposed to drink and drive."

"I can give you a lift."

"You have only one arm available."

"Enough to drive."

"No, I prefer it when my driver uses both arms. Thanks Don, I'm fine with some juice."

"All right. No beer for Sofia and me, guess this will be a juice party until Sara comes home."

"She doesn't drink neither." Sofia smiled. "Until I'm off medicine we're both not drinking alcohol. It's her way to support me. Not that it's necessary, she insisted on it and I think she's the cutest woman ever."

"And when she sees you dressed up like it's winter she'll tell you off." Jules pointed on Sofia's long pants.

"Sweat pants are easier to handle."

"A short skirt would do the same or short pants. You don't have to hide, Sofia." Jules took her hand.


	24. Chapter 24

"I know, I…I wear short pants in bed and that's…at the moment I don't feel comfortable with short pants outside. Not because of other people in the first place, it's because of myself. When I look down and see there's something…there's a part of my leg missing…I'm not ready to admit it completely. Denial isn't a solution but right now it's too much to face the truth the whole time. Can I have some more time before I sit here with shorts, doc?"

"Does your therapist push you?"

"A little bit and I'm free to say stop at any time."

"Good. Your friends won't push you too much neither. Only let you know there's no reason to hide from them. They love you anyway."

"Thanks. Your mother was here yesterday and checked on my leg. It was the first time that I didn't look the other way the whole time when my bandage got changed. I couldn't look at my leg when the bandage was gone…but I watched her when she started and finished. The first time a surgeon changed my bandage and not a nurse or somebody from the home care service. I feel honored."

"Your personal doctor. It's good you look a little bit, I'm sure she didn't try to make you look all the time."

"No. She explained me a few things, said the wound looks as good as a wound can look, there are no infection, the healing process was good and I've got a stump bandage now…which sounds horrible. The good thing is I can keep it for up to four or five days if there isn't any odor, blood or pyrexia."

"Will she come back to have a look?"

"Yes, Tuesday."

"Good."

"Jules, I've got a doctor she doesn't have to work unpaid overtime and look after me."

"I know you have your physician and you're supposed to see him frequently but I'd like to have a second opinion for you. There are a lot of things that can go wrong and I'd like to save you as much trouble as possible."

"Thanks. Do you think I'll have any problems?"

"It's likely there'll be a few sooner or later. That's why it's important it get checked it often. How is your arm? Your shoulder?"

"Annoying useless."

"What about you Don? Is your arm also annoying useless?"

"My arm is in a cast that is covered with a kiss of my landlady. And my shoulder is also annoying. Why don't you place a kiss on my shoulder? It would feel better after that. And maybe a little bit of dinner tomorrow night? With a movie?"

"Since when do we have dinner and movie nights together?"

"We could start it tomorrow."

"I'm not sure what Greg will say about that."

"Probably something like: Damn it, I knew one day she'd fall for this good looking cop with his sexy smile, six pack and…cast. Why did I stay in Vegas? I'm such a fool, I should have moved to L.A. when I met her."

"Sure." Jules shook her head.

"Please? I'd like to get out of here. Sofia doesn't wanna go out, Sara will stay with her so you're my…stopgap." Gosh, no wonder he was single when he called good looking women a stopgap. His therapist was right, he wasn't ready to date.

"A stopgap? That's charming."

"Yeah, if you say no I've to ask Kyle because Lynn will have a night with her boyfriend. You're the more prettier alternative to him."

"With me you won't have any woman asking you for your number."

"That's fine, your cousin suggested I should take a break. Somebody said it's good to listen to your therapist every now and then."

"I come with you when Sara and Sofia join us."

"Sofia?"

"Don…I don't feel like going out."

"Is there a medical reason why Sofia should stay at home, Jules?"

"Not that I know of."

"It's…I can't go there."

"Why?" Don didn't let go.

"Because…I'll need a special seat, can't sit next to you guys, everybody will stare at me…I don't think I'm ready to have people stare at me." The looks she got when they made their dog walk around the reservoir were bad enough.

"If anybody will stare than only because you're beautiful."

"No Don."

"Jules, can you help me out here?" Don begged.

"No, it's her decision. She wants to stay at home, hide here, it's her decision."

"As a therapist?"

"I'm her friend, not her therapist."

"You can go out with Jules alone, Don."

"She doesn't want to go out with me alone and I'm sure Sara deserves a night out again. She had been under a lot of pressure and stress the last two weeks. I mean, it's likely she'll fall asleep during the movie but her head will fall on your shoulder and you will feel her breath on your neck, can eat all the popcorn and tease her at the end that you know how the movie ended while she got yelled at for snoring at the kiss scene."

Sofia sighed. He had a point. Sara was with her all the time, she stayed at home, barely left the home to get shopping, leave alone have any fun. And why was the cinema different to the water reservoir? She was down there every day, she had talked to a few people she knew, survived all their questions and never was attacked. Nobody would offend her at the movies and if they stared, why would she care? She could stare right back, stick out her tongue or raise her middle finger. What other people thought wasn't important. It was more important that she did something for her lover.

"If Sara wants to go and I get a blanket for my legs we can go."

"You're the best." He hugged and kissed her. "And I'll buy you as much popcorn as you want."

"I want chocolate with my popcorn."

"You get it."

"And a huge fancy cocktail – without alcohol."

"Done."

"Jules?"

"I said I'm there if you come."

"Looks like you have a date with Don."

"No, I only date Greg."

"Will you tell him we go out?" Don asked.

"I tell him we all get Sofia into a movie and that you hit on me. This way he'll kick your ass when he's here next weekend."

"He's a CSI, I'm not scared of a CSI."

"You should, he's very smart."

"Whatever. I've a date for tomorrow. I go to the movies with a doctor." Don grinned Actually he would go out with three beautiful women, that made him the luckiest man in town.. If he would tell his therapist he went out with Jules…he shouldn't tell her. No, not a good idea. She'd hear it anyway as she was Jules's cousin. He should mention this as a therapy for Sofia, to fight her fear of being outside. And for him to be with women without dating them. He made progress.

* * *

"It was a beautiful evening." Sara snuggled into Sofia's left arm.

"Yes."

"Sorry I came back that late."

"You were working overtime. Sixteen hours, like in Vegas." Something Sofia hated for various reasons. First of all it was too much, Sara was too tired when she came back home, second they were apart for the whole day.

"Summer time hours. When Greg comes over next weekend I'll try to be back sooner so we can have a barbecue together – not a midnight snack." It was ten when Sara came back tonight, all the other had their dinner at this time.

"You missed a lot of work the last weeks."

"A few hours, I missed you more."

"Are you fine with the cinema tomorrow?"

"Of course. We haven't been in a movie for a while."

"We haven't done anything for a while which is my fault."

"Why is it your fault?"

"I'm not able to do things we usually did. Dancing is quite impossible at the moment."

"We can do that when you have your prosthesis."

"Yeah…weirdo dance."

"Love dance." Sara kissed Sofia softly. "There's no reason for any pressure, Honey. I don't expect us to do the same things like we did last summer. If we don't go surfing this year we'll find something different. Why can't we see this as a possibility to explore new things? Things we never tried before because they never crossed our mind?"

"We like the beach, you love to surf."

"I love you more. Plus when your wound is healed is there's no reason why you can't go to the beach."

"Not on a surfboard. I mean I haven't been able to stand up on a board and now it won't happen at all. Or are there any surfer with one leg?"

"Yes, you can watch videos on youtube."

"Really? Will you ever be out of good arguments? So I won't be sad ."

"No." Sara grinned. Two years ago Sofia did everything to cheer Sara up, make her smile, now it was the other way around. Just like it's supposed to be in a good relationship. Give and take.

"Thought so. What about you? How are you? Everybody is focusing on me, we talk the whole time about me, what about you? I remember you didn't look relaxed two weeks ago, the day I had the accident. Actually you looked worried on Sunday evening. And we haven't finish our conversation about what you have on your mind beside me. There was something, you didn't much when I was in hospital…"

"Nothing to worry about."

"When your eyes are sad I worry. You know I had the plan to pick you up at doctor Luria, invite you to dinner and ask you what's on your mind. Maybe it's a little bit belated now but I'd like to know what happened."

"We shouldn't talk about it, we have other things to worry."

"No." Sofia sat up. "No, you told me I'm your highest priority. Guess what, you're my highest priority and when you don't tell me what is on your mind I can't believe I'm really important to you. Don't we have a deal we'd be honest to each other?"

"Honey." Sara sat up too, switched on the light and looked at Sofia. "We have to focus on things we can change."

"Your problem isn't changeable? What is it, Sara? Please."

Sara buried her face in her hands. How did they end up here? With this topic?

"Hey." Sofia pulled her lover in her good right arm and kissed her cheek. "I love you, no matter what it is."

"I know."

"But?"

"I'm sick of having my past in my present. Can't we just talk about our future?"

"Do you talk with doctor Luria about your future or your past? Because the last time I read a book about PTSD it said the disorder comes form the past and not the future. You see her every week, I bet you don't sit around, drink coffee and eat cake.

Is it Trevor again? You mentioned there's a trial for him, some other victim of him stood up and told the police what he did to her. Does this make you sleep bad? Is he the reason why you have these shadows under your eyes? Sleep worse than before."

The easiest way would be if Sara said all these things were because of what happened to Sofia. The injuries of her lover and the fear she felt during the days the blonde was unconscious were partly a reason too. No doubt about it. The main reason? No, the main reason was something else and not telling Sofia about it would be a lie. She wouldn't lie to the one she loved.

"My mom called."

"The first time since we were up in San Francisco, right?"

"Yes. She…my brother contact her, the first time since she was arrested for killing our father. They want a family reunion."

"Wow…did you have any contact with your brother?" Sofia knew there was a brother but Sara never mentioned his name, never told her anything about him and from the impression she had, Sofia knew it had been better not to ask.

"Not since he left the night before we were both supposed to get into a foster care family."

"He left you alone, never cared what happened to you." Sofia could understand why Sara wasn't happy about the reunion idea.

"Yes. I don't want to see him."

"Okay."

"My therapist and a friend of mine who is a therapist too think I should see him. Both of them. Part of my therapy, I can't get over it when I don't see them."

"Do you think they're right?"

"I don't know. When she told me they want to see me I felt sick. That was Sunday evening, you were right I didn't look then. The next day when I was supposed to see doctor Luria I went to Jules and asked her to join me. It should have been you who I asked, I didn't want to bother you, didn't want you to worry more than you already do. Now I wish I would have asked you. I accuse myself of being stupid, stubborn and the reason why you lost your leg."

"What? That's bullshit Sara."

"No. If I had asked you to join me, you had come with me, would have been with me and nothing had happened to you. It's my fault." Tears fell down Sara's face. This thought had been spinning around her mind for almost two weeks. It was her fault. Why did she have to hide everything? If she had been open for once, Sofia had been with her and nothing had happened to her. Only because Sara Sidle, the drama queen, queen of hiding things, had been stupid Sofia lost her leg.

"If you had told me Sunday evening you want me with you in therapy I couldn't have that made working. I can't change my schedule in this short time. I could have offered you another appointment later that week…"

"Sofia, we both know you. You would have tried everything if I had told you I need you."

"I was about to leave my office early because the day was quieter than expected. I didn't know that Sunday, I didn't know that Monday morning. So I might have tried to get to you in time for your appointment – with my pager on – and had left from there to get to the scene. You know me, when something like that happens, I go to the scene. I had asked you and doctor Luria to reschedule everything and left."

"No, you wouldn't have."

"Yes I would have. It wasn't like I had a choice. They called all cops in, even the one who were on holidays. Everybody was requested. Like your therapist left in the middle of your session because of it. None of the things that happened to me were your fault. The only one who is responsible for what happened to my leg are the people who let the center explode. Nobody else.

And now we get back to the topic we talked about and that wasn't my accident, it was your family. Tell me how can I help you?"

"You can't. I won't answer her phone calls anymore, she doesn't know where I live so they can't stand up in front of the door and surprise us. Or he. She can't go anywhere."

"Denial isn't a solution." Somehow these words sounded familiar. Wasn't these the exact words she heard this afternoon? Didn't she say these words about herself? It was always easier to use them for somebody else.

"Why do I need to have contact with them? I didn't talk to my brother in over twenty-five years. Most of my life I lived without him."

"You don't have to involve him in your life, tell him you don't want to see him because you haven't seen him all those years. But tell him face to face. So you can see if you're really over the things or if it's not better to see him, talk with him and…does he know what happened to you?"

"Maybe he read about the trial."

"Did he know as a child?"

Sara bit her lips. "Maybe."

"You never talked about it."

"No. He…he wasn't around when it happened…"

"Which doesn't mean he didn't know."

"If he did, he didn't help me. Another reason not to see him."

"Or to see him so you can close it."

"Your mother offered me to meet him in Vegas because I said I don't want to go to San Francisco and I don't want him here in Los Angeles. Las Vegas is a place I know, there are people I know and it's a place I feel safe."

For a moment Sofia was disappointed that Sara told her mother about her brother and didn't want to tell her. Then she thought of her mother, that she knew Sara too, knew a lot about people, knew how to ask the right questions to get answers.

"Did you tell her or did she figured it out?"

"She figured out something was wrong. Besides that you were in coma. I've no idea why I told her about it…guess because she reminds me so much of you and it felt a bit like talking to you." Sara smiled a bit. Marie and Sofia were so alike. Having the mother of her lover around made a lot of things easier and sometimes it had felt like she talked to Sofia.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to be with you." Sofia took Sara's hand.

"You had a pretty good excuse and…they didn't really gave me time to talk to you while you were unconscious but I told you a few things. At one point I was sure you smiled."

"I dreamed a few times of you. I can't really remember much, but there were times when I felt better and I'm sure those were the times when you were around. And now that I'm awake and here I want to help you, Sara. Please. Can we make a deal?"

"What kind of deal?"

"You tell me about the things that worry and scare you, I tell you about the things that worry and scare me. No exceptions allowed. We're open and honest to each other, just the way it's supposed to be when you're in love."

"Okay." A challenge.

"Perfect. Lets seal it with a kiss." Sofia kissed Sara gently. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Now, shall I come with you on Monday when you see doctor Luria?"

"No. Doc Luria and me talked about it the last time, at least a bit because you are more on my mind than my family…or the parts of my family I don't want in my life. You're my family too. The most important member of my family. After all, I'm the daughter-in-law of your parents, that makes me your wife."

"Says it, smiles and forgets how scared she was the night we drove to Vegas to see them the first time. You wanted me to drive back to Los Angeles."

"Yes."

"Well, my mom wasn't nice first. She changed after the first night."

"Lucky for me."

"Now she loves you and I'm sure it won't take long until she's back here to see her favorite daughter-in-law."

"That could be your sister-in-law."

"No. They didn't come over when I was in hospital, they're not very popular at the moment." Sofia grinned. Her mother found a few not nice words for her son when she called him to tell him Sofia was in hospital and he didn't show up to support them. It would take a long time until he was forgiven.

"They were…are…in Europe."

"So? There are more than a dozen flights back to America each day."

"I'm sure they'll come here as soon as they're back."

"We won't let them in."

"We will."

"I will pout."

"That's okay."

"Good."

"And now we'll sleep because I've to work tomorrow morning. Come in my arms."

"There's no place I'd rather be." Sofia smiled, switched off the light, slipped down and snuggled into Sara's arms. There were still a lot of things they had to talk about but for now they talked about the most important things.


	25. Chapter 25

**Saturday, July 2nd**

"Sara? Sara! Wake up! You're going to be late!" Sofia shook her girlfriends shoulder. It was five in the morning and when Sara wanted to be on time in Angeles National Forest she had to hurry, her shift started at six.

"Mhm…good morning Love." Sara pulled the blonde into her arms and kissed her.

"Morning, you need to get up."

"No, I don't."

"Of course. You've one more hour before it's time to start your shift."

"Forty-eight."

"What?"

"Forty-eight hours. Did I forget to mention I've the weekend off?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Surprise."

"How can you forget…?"

"Well…the plan was going to bed early with you, which worked out yesterday evening. Then having sweet sex with you, which also worked out and after that telling you we can sleep in and have two lovely days together. Somehow this point got lost during other activities last night."

"We can sleep in?"

"Yes." Sara kissed Sofia's throat. "It's six in the morning, we can stay in bed for another three or four hours."

"You didn't tell me this because you wanted me to go to bed earlier last night?"

"We had the possibility to watch another movie with Don, Kyle and Lynn or we go to bed and make our own love story. As much as I like our friends, I preferred some quality time with you because I could barely remember how it was to hold you naked in my arms, kissing you wherever I want and feel your lips all over my body. Maybe that's why I forgot to mention my day off."

"Not that we couldn't have done all those things after the last movie."

"We could but it had been a delay of two hours plus. Nothing I was willing to accept. Sorry to ruin the movie night, I offered you that you can stay downstairs with them."

"Knowing I'd never take this offer."

"Yes."

"You played me."

"Yes."

"You enjoyed that."

"Absolutely."

"I'm glad you did it." Sofia smiled and kissed her lover. Their quality time together was better than any movie. "The next time just mention after the sex that we can sleep in and I won't wake you up, horrified you'll be late for work."

"Okay. Now do you want to get up or stay in bed?"

"We're late for the sunrise, too early for breakfast, why don't we stay here? There wasn't a chance for a sleep in since I'm back home. Two weeks. Gosh, no wonder I couldn't resist your lips last night, two weeks at home without sex, over a week before that in hospital, I was dying for your lips and hands all over me."

"Are you telling me there was no reason to lure you up here last night, if I had told you straight away what I had on my mind the movie would have been not an issue?"

"No movie will ever be a better choice than being with you."

"I've to keep this in mind." Sofia sighed happily. Sara would stay with her the whole weekend, No more twelve hour shifts, no more overtime, no more goodbye in the early morning and hello after dinner. Two days for them. Two days for themselves. A whole weekend to take the dogs out, have a barbecue and maybe a little trip down to the beach. Although Sofia wasn't sure if the last point was something she really wanted. Maybe it was better to go to the beach during the week, when less people were around. For the first time she returned to the ocean she wanted less people around her. Especially if she could get herself to wear some shorts.

* * *

Her nose close to the throat of the brunette Sofia woke up in Sara's arms, feeling her skin on her own and smelling the sweet scent of her lover. This was good, this was the way their lives were supposed to be. Waking up arm in arm, with a smile and no need to hurry for anything. A nice day for two people in love.

"Cinderella wakes up."

"You mean Sleepy Beauty." Sofia corrected.

"Sorry, of course."

"Sleepy Beauty wakes up in the arms of her princess. We didn't sleep one hundred years but I feel good anyway."

"We're in bed for over twelve hours."

"Are we? What time is it?"

"Eleven."

"Wow. Lucky us I took my medicine at six when I woke you up. Otherwise you had a whiny wimp next to you." Sofia had forgotten once her pain killers in the morning and in the late morning she suffered from so much pain, she regretted her thoughtlessness. There was a very good reason why you were supposed to take your medicine every day at the same time. She had learnt that.

"Lucky for us it's not a home care day."

"No, they will come back on Monday. If there aren't any complications."

"There had never been any. Plus if you feel like something is wrong you have the number of doctor Bendler."

"My personal surgeon should have some time off too. She did enough for me."

"Actually she did her job, only with more passion and pressure because you're a friend of her daughter."

"Her daughter who doesn't want to work with me so I've to see this old and boring guy."

"He isn't Mister America but you said he always hit the spot."

"Yeah." Sofia grumbled. Her psychotherapist also hit the spots she didn't want to talk about and made her talk. With his help she could remember a lot of more of the explosion than before. Plus he made her aware of some behavior of herself that had changed. She was a little bit jumpy sometimes, she was moody and unfair. When she felt like staying the whole day in bed because her life seemed to offer no reasons to get up she knew it was part of the light PTSD and depression. Normal and nothing to worry about when she continued to work on it. So like Sara she'd go to therapy on Monday, first physiotherapy and after it psychotherapy. No wonder people all around the world believed Americans weren't able to handle any problems without therapists anymore. She was the best example.

"Shall we take a shower together?"

"You mean shall you take a shower and while I try to get up and wrap my cast and bandages so I can have a kind of shower."

"I mean I help you wrapping up and we have a shower together."

"A really nice idea…I'm afraid I will wrap up my bandages and casts and wash myself while you have a shower."

"Didn't I buy you a shower chair? We wrap you up, get you onto the chair and wash you."

"You only want to see me naked."

"Honey, you're naked right now."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Oh yes." Sara slipped onto Sofia carefully. "I enjoy every second I spend with you."

"I love you. Come on, time to clean us up. Wrap me up."

"Mhm, later." Sara bit playfully into the blonde's throat.

"Honey, if we don't start getting prepared we'll be late for all our appointments – and the dogs will…won't complain when we're a little bit late." Sofia pulled Sara's head down. How was she supposed to keep her head straight when her lover did everything for her to lose it.


	26. Chapter 26

"Wow, you made it out of your room, I'm impressed." Don teased Sara and Sofia when they came down. After a few days of practicing Sofia's way to crawl the stairs was her usual way to move up and down. Not the favorite way of Sara and Don but the only way when the three were home alone.

"Were the stairs higher than usual today?"

"Very funny, you're only jealous because I've spent my morning with a beautiful woman in bed." Sofia got herself into the wheelchair.

"While I spent the morning with the dogs."

"Thanks. We were awake at five, when I panicked and woke Sara up because she forgot to tell me it's her day off. Why didn't you come up to wake us?"

"Because I figured when you sleep until eight and nobody from Angeles National Forest calls to ask what happened to Sara, she must have the day off and celebrates this with you and a long sleep."

"Such a smart man, you should try to become a lieutenant." Sara kissed Don't cheek.

"Thanks. Do you want breakfast or lunch?"

"We take an apple and that's it. After you took care of the dogs in the morning we'll take them out for a walk now before our barbecue party starts."

"No coffee?"

"We have one at the reservoir. Do you wanna join us?"

"No, I have a date with my hair dresser."

"Is he a nice guy?"

"She's a lovely lady and knows exactly what I want. This way I can read the latest sport news while she cuts my hair."

"Samson lost all his power after Delilah cut his hair."

"I'm a real man, my power doesn't come from my hair."

"You don't have seven curls…anyway, we see you later. Ready to leave, Honey?"

"Sure." Sofia started her wheelchair while Sara opened the door to the garden to let the dogs inside. With them jumping around them they left the house and got themselves on their way to the water reservoir. The path around the reservoir was even, there were no problems for Sofia to drive there and the dogs stayed always close to her wheelchair like they wanted to make sure, their owner was safe.

Maneuvering the wheelchair with her right hand it made it impossible for Sofia to hold Sara's hand, the only downside of their walk. She was so used to hold the hand of her lover when they were here together, it felt weird to have space between them. Weirder than it felt when people looked at her. It wasn't the first time today that she was here after her accident, she tried to be here at least once a day to get some fresh air but still people looked at her, stopped and asked what happened. A lot of them were people she knew for years, talked to all the time when she took the dogs here for a walk or a run.

"Do you want to have some coffee here or shall we get the coffee at the dog park?" Sara asked.

"The dog park. This way our babies can run around and have fun while we enjoy the coffee. And maybe a muffin? There's some hunger in my stomach."

"Really? How could that happen?" Sara kissed Sofia's forehead. "You get a muffin and a coffee and when I'm in a good mood you might also get another sweet treat."

"You are in a good mood, you slept in, we spent a lot of time in bed with other things than sleep, we had a shower together – kind of – and we walk around in the summer sun with our dogs. This could be the perfect day when we were eye to eye."

"My eyes might be not at the same level like your eyes are but my heart is close connected to your heart."

"If you bend down you can kiss me."

"What an offer." The brunette bent down and kissed Sofia gently. "I love you."

"Love you too. Can't you have more days off?"

"In winter."

"That's a long time to go."

"I know."

"Do you think I'll be working in winter again?"

"There's no reason why you shouldn't work as soon as your arm and shoulder are fine."

"The shoulder isn't that bad anymore, only the cast is in my way. When I was a kid I broke my arm because I was climbing up a tree and fell and I remember how painful physiotherapy was when they took off the cast. It will take a while before I can use my arm the way I'm used to."

"There isn't a reason why you shouldn't be able to play basketball with the guys this year."

"My leg."

"Wheelchair basketball. Knowing you, you will be fast on wheels and won't have any problems throwing point while you sit."

"All they have to do is stand in front of me and I can't throw a point. They're almost a yard taller than me."

"Means we need another three wheel chairs and we all play in them."

"No, I'll be the referee. Not my favorite job but it's the only one I can do."

"Or you put on your prosthesis and play like you always play."

"You think that's possible?"

"Yes. We should really talk to an orthopedic soon, you have a lot of things to learn about what you can do with your prosthesis."

"While you know everything."

"I read a few things and if you use your head too, you know all these things too. It's not your brain talking when you deny all these things that are possible, it's your disappointment. I can imagine it sometimes feels like it but your life isn't over."

"At the moment it doesn't feel like I can continue my life the way it was. Maybe it changes when I can use my upper body again." Sofia knew she was overreacting most times, that there were a lot of things she could still do but she felt like she was a nursing case forever.

"I'm sure it will."

"Hey, will you try skiing with me?"

"Sure."

"And if it doesn't work out we take a sled, that's a better workout anyway, especially when you have to climb up the mountains and after that we deserve a huge cup of hot chocolate with extra crème."

"A chocolate fondue? With three different kinds of chocolate?"

"That's the woman I love."

Sara grinned. She knew how to get her lover smiling. "And that's the dog with the most beautiful eyes."

"Dusty." Sofia smiled and offered her hand to the Husky.

"Good morning, ladies."

"Hey Mister Bennett, how are you?"

"I'm fine. You don't look too good yourself." He hadn't seen Sofia since the accident and had no idea of her physical condition.

"Well I'm getting better every day even if I don't realize it and Sara needs to remind me of it. Some things won't be like they were before, some will come back and some…have to be rearrange."

"At least you have somebody beside you to get through this hard time."

"Yes, my reason not to give up."

"Is she a good patient, Sara?"

"No, she's a nightmare but I love her anyway." Sara grinned.

"Ouch, honest words from the woman of your heart."

"Unfortunately she's right. I'm either whiny and blue or I try to do things I shouldn't do. It reminds me a bit of being a teenager."

"You don't see Sara as your mother, do you?"

"No. She's worse. No, seriously, she's right when she tells me off, which I don't always admit but who does?"

"What about the men who blew off the center? Are they all in custody?"

"They're all dead." As far as Sofia knew the twelve men who set up the bombs were the only members of this group. Her colleagues were still working on the case, looking for clues, other members but at the moment everything pointed towards the clue they did it because they wanted to teach the world a lesson. Don't follow any human stars, stop wasting your time and money for celebrities and useless stuff, turn around and focus on the important things in life and the most important thing in your life is supposed to be Jesus.

The question Sofia had in her mind was, if Jesus – if he existed – wanted that so many people were killed in his name. It was a never ending list of victims of all races, ages and sex who had to die because somebody killed them in the name of Jesus or God or Allah or however you called the higher power you believed in.


	27. Chapter 27

Back home they found Don laying in the hammock, a beer next to him, the music on. He reminded both women more of a tourist somewhere on an island than of a police detective on sick leave. Only his cast showed he wasn't fit.

"Alcohol while you're on sick leave? What will your lieutenant say about this, detective?" Sofia said.

"She'll complain that she can't drink because she's on medication and beg me to let her have a tiny little sip of my beer."

"Will you share your beer with her?"

"No, that wouldn't be good for her. How was your walk?"

"Good, we met Dusty."

"The most beautiful blue eyes." Don chuckled.

"Yes, deep blue." Sara checked the barbecue. Everything was set, they could start their little party now. "I fix the salads before Greg and Jules come over. Kyle and Lynn will come here later?" Finally she'd see Greg again. After rescheduling his next trip to Los Angeles two times he arrived this morning.

"Yes for dinner. Lynn brings her new lover."

"Oh well, she likes him, he must be good."

"We'll see about that."

"Don is always very territorial when it comes to one of his girls – like he likes to say." Sofia grinned and got herself into the garden swing. Not the easiest thing when your seat moves away from you all the time you try to sit down.

"Did you need his approval for me?"

"I got it before you wanted me. The fact that he agreed on you moving in was enough. He's even more picky about the people who live here then the one we date."

"I'm a cop, I need to check people out first. Especially whey they live in my house. Imagine we have a thief in here. All our belongings would be gone and we keep our weapons here too. The trouble our captain gave us for losing the weapon is something I don't want to think of nor do I want to experience it."

"Sure. It's all about the cop life."

"Being a cop means you're on duty twenty-four/seven. You should know that by know. You live with us for almost two years and have been in the law enforcement before."

"And now I live an ordinary life…all I need are ordinary friends."

"When you decide you gets your stuff into Sofia's room we can have a look for a new house member. I don't understand why you need two rooms."

"Don, women have a lot of clothes, we need a lot of space. My wardrobe is already overfilled, there's no space for Sara's clothes." Sofia grinned. Both women had talked about moving into one room because they were the whole time in one room but so far there was no solution for the logistic problem.

"If the new housemate is a woman she can have my wardrobe too. I don't mind when she comes in to change clothes or get dressed."

"My accountant will love the idea, I don't think it's a good idea."

"Bugger. We could need a babe to serve us drinks while we sit in the garden and Sara is at work."

"If there will be a new housemate any time we'll get a man."

"Not fair."

"Very fair. We can't let you live with three women."

"I don't mind."

"Imagine she brings her boyfriend over."

"We don't let boyfriends in."

"You tell Lynn."

"I will kick this jerk out if I don't like him…what his name? Dirk the clerk? Dirk the jerk? There's only one real Dirk and he plays for the wrong basketball team."

"You're so nice and friendly all the time, Donald." Sofia laughed.

"Just trying to keep the man of the premises."

"What about Greg? He's a man too and he'll be here any time soon."

"He's a friend of yours. And a cool guy. He can come along whenever he wants. The only thing I don't understand about him is why he's still in Vegas when he has his hot doctor lover here. Would you stay here if Sara worked in Vegas?"

"I'm not sure. If Sara insisted on staying in Vegas I think I'd rent the house to somebody and move over to Vegas. It seems impossible to imagine we can see each other only once in two weeks. No, I need her with me every day."

"True love."

"Yes. And one day I'll walk next to her, hold her hand and we are eye to eye again."

"This year."

"Hopefully." Sofia wished she could always share the enthusiasm of her friends, the believe they had in her but most times there was only hope. There was a good chance for her to have a prosthesis that fits at the end of the year and walk with it. So far her wound was healing fine, she knew there could be complications any time, that was why she let it checked regularly.

Her dogs jumping up and ran into the house, let her know somebody was at the front door, somebody they knew and were happy to see. Greg and Jules. There was the doorbell.

"I'm going!" Sara called from the kitchen.

"Don't we have the sexiest butler ever?" Sofia grinned.

"Absolutely."

"I'd get up and greet our guests…if the garden swing wouldn't be such a difficult place to get in. They have to greet me here."

"With a broken arm and nothing else I don't have an excuse why I can't get up and greet them. Shall I get you something?"

"Jules mentioned something about muffins and cake she wants to bring, all we need is coffee to pass the time before we can use the barbecue. Or do we have to wait with the sweet things until after dinner?"

"I'm sure some people might suggest this, we don't give a shit about what other people say, do we?"

"No. Muffins and coffee before barbecue it is."

"Your girlfriend will have prepared some, she turns into a housewife since we're ill."

"We have a lot of to make up to her. I guess organizing and preparing Christmas is our job this year."

"Yes. She deserves some time out when we're fit again." Don turned the sunshade so Sofia was completely out of the sun. "You had enough sun, your complexion gets too dark and too red. We have one lobster in the house."

"The lobster from Venice." Sofia grinned. That was how she found Sara two years ago on the beach. Burnt because the brunette had fallen asleep in the hot summer sun, not very friendly even when Sofia offered her help. How much had their relationship changed. From being mad and snappy to love. Who would have thought the two fighting women from Las Vegas Graveyard Shift could change so much? Instead of leaving the room when one came in they could barely stand it when one of them left the room.

"Greggo!" There was their visitor, all relaxed in shorts and shirt, a baseball cap on the head and big smile on his face.

"Lieutenant Curtis, good to see you awake again." Greg hugged Sofia and kissed her cheek. "You look much better than the last time I saw you."

"Thanks, I didn't see you at that time so I can't say you look better but you look good."

"I always do. Do they treat you good?"

"Most times. Sometimes they're mean like when they put the chocolate on the highest shelf so I can't reach it. Magically the fruits are always in a position where I can reach them without any trouble."

"Your girlfriend makes sure you recover ASAP."

"She and your future mother-in-law. Does she call you son-in-law? My mom called Sara her daughter-in-law and I think that's best thing she ever said. She wants Sara and me to stay together for the rest of our lives."

"I can't recall Alison calling me her son-in-law. I do recall my girlfriend calling me Love. Does that count as well?"

"It's better. You're not involved with her mother, Jules is the one who has to love you."

"That's what I think."

"Can you make her being my therapist? Mine is no fun. Boring old guy."

"Jules is your friend."

"And fun to be around."

"Sorry, that's something you have to figure out with her."

"Come on, be on my side." Sofia bumped Greg in his side.

"Nope. Can't do that."

"How about you tell her to change her mind and I tell Sara to get us to Vegas soon."

"No." He laughed. It was a nice idea but he wouldn't fall for it.

"Damn it."

"I've got the coffee. Hey Greg, how are you?"

"Good. Is it okay when I sit next to your girlfriend?"

"Sure."

"Or do you need a hand?"

"No, Jules and me are fine."

"Where is Don?"

"Here, starting the fire for the potatoes."

"And here's the cake." Jules came with a tablet of cake and muffins out of the living room, both dogs right by her side in case she dropped something.

"Greg, your girlfriend looks even sweeter with these cake and muffins." Sofia grinned.

"If you hit on my girlfriend you're be in trouble. She's mine."

"I hit on her cake and muffins, sweet sugar rush."

"One slice of cake, one muffin, that's it." Sara said firmly. "One before you have dinner, one after. And I don't mean one each."

"My girlfriend is afraid I get fat, she doesn't want a fat woman next to her."

"Your physiotherapist will give you more exercise when you put on too much weight. In a few weeks you can walk and your right leg won't like it when it has to carry all the weight and the calories of the sweets. Work with your body to get fit and not against it."

"Other people have a conscious that's in their head, remembers them every now and then what's good and what isn't so good. Usually you can shut this one up with chocolate and a lot of alcohol. Mine is out of my body and tells me all the time what is wrong and how to act smarter. Am I a lucky person or a cursed one?"

"Sara loves you, do you feel lucky because of that?" Greg shot back dryly.

"I feel like I'm the luckiest person in the world. Okay, one each. Plus two little cups of coffee and after it tea or juice. Gosh, I need this prosthesis ASAP so I can start work out again. When I ran around the reservoir she doesn't complain when I have two muffins. Jules, I need your mother again. To fix me a runner prosthesis."

"Tell her the next time she's here."

"Tuesday." From twice a week Sofia had talked doctor Bendler down to once a week. She had her appointments with her physician, the home care team was there, she should be taken care of. Other people needed doctor Bendler more than she did at the moment.

"Hey ol' blue eyes." Sara kissed Sofia and sat next to her in the garden swing. "How are you? You look a little bit tired."

"Just a tiny little bit." Sofia snuggled into Sara's arm, put her head on the shoulder of the brunette and closed her eyes. Since she took all the medication she was more tired and needed little breaks during the day. Healing and recovering time, doctor Bendler called it.

"Want to take a little nap?"

"Only close my eyes for a few seconds on your shoulder."

"Like a child that's tired but doesn't want to go to bed because it could miss something of the party."

"Guilty."

"Does one of you ladies wants something to drink?" Don asked.

"No, thanks."

"I still have my tea and I won't get a beer."

"No you won't. Greg, Jules? Two beer?"

"I take another juice, thanks Don." Jules answered.

"Do you have to drive?"

"Yes."

"You can stay here, we have a free bed." Sara offered. Her bed had fresh sheets and was ready to use.

"No, that's fine."

"We wanna sleep in tomorrow before we meet her mother for lunch."

"Everybody here sleeps in – except me because I've to take care of the dogs. These two love birds didn't come down until lunch. Not very responsible."

"Sorry Don, that won't happen again." Sara apologized.

"Tell the dogs, they want you and not me."

"They love their daddy as much as they love their mommies." Sofia answered back. "We're their herd."

"Who's the alpha dog?"

"The lieutenant has the highest rank."

"Does the police grade count in a dog herd? I thought we have to fight for the alpha position."

"In that case Sara will win at the moment. Do we want to challenge her?"

"No. I need her to go shopping with me on Monday."

"Ditto."

"The sweet taste of power." Sara grinned and got her arm around Sofia's shoulder. "Jules, you and Greg can really sleep here, it's no problem. I prepared the bed yesterday, it's all fresh and ready to use."

"What do you say, Honey?"

"I don't mind when we stay here, saves us a twenty minutes drive. And the way to your mother is the same from here."

"Okay, we stay."

"Shall I get two beer now?" Don offered.

"No, I stick to my juice."

"Looks like Greg is the only one who's drinking tonight." Sara grinned. As long as Sofia wasn't allowed to drink she'd stick to non alcoholic drinks too.

"One beer now, one later with the steak, that's it. Is that okay with you, Jules?"

"Sure." She kissed him.

"Why do you need her approval? She can drink as well."

"No, I can't." Jules smiled and looked at Greg. "Do you tell them or shall I tell them?"

"Ohmygod!" Sofia gasped. No more words needed, the look said enough. There was a reason why Jules stuck to juice and she just told them without telling them.

"You can do that." Greg pulled Jules closer in his arms.

"Well then, I can eat more the next months because I can eat for more than one."

"Wow! That's cool. Congratulation." Don hugged Jules. "No wonder you refused to date me."

"I said no because I'm in a relationship, not because I'm pregnant. Besides, you have to be very strong now, Don, you're not my type."

"Who is your type?"

"This CSI with the crazy hair." Sara answered for Jules and kissed Greg. "I'm so happy for you. You'll be a dad. You know what means?"

"You have to accept you and me will never be together? I'm sure you'll get over me. One day." He smirked.

"Hopefully. And it means you have to move to L.A. soon. Don't tell me Jules moves to Vegas, she can't, she has her office here."

"No, she'll stay here. I put in a request of changing departments four weeks ago. Grissom wonders why we all leave to L.A., if that's a kind of Hollywood virus. In the middle of July I can start as a CSI in L.A.."

"Like next week?"

"Like in a week, yes."

"Wow. You knew this longer than today." Sara's finger dug into Greg's chest. "Don't lie to me, since when do you know you'll be a dad?"

"Since last month. Jules told me when I was here, we made the decision we won't tell you until week twelve. And then Sofia's accident happened and we all had other thing on our minds."

"How far are you and when will one or both of you hug and kiss me?" Sofia complained. She couldn't leave her seat and was left outside.

"Thirteenth week." Jules hugged Sofia. "Do you want your kiss from Greg or me?"

"Both. Congratulation, Jules. That are terrific news."

"Thanks. You know we picked you as a babysitter."

"Me? Cool. I take the job. Baby Jules and me will spend the day in the garden and come over to your office in the evening."

"You'll work yourself, you can babysit in the evening."

"We'll see. It's cool. Seven more months and there'll be a little baby…do you want a boy or a girl?"

"I don't care as long as the baby is healthy. Greg wants a boy so he can send our son to all different kind of sport groups, something his parents didn't want him to do. As a psychologist I have a word for that."

"As a mother you agree because sport is good. Don't shrink the baby." Sara sat next to Sofia and kissed her. "We should be mad with them, they didn't tell us about the baby, they didn't tell us Greg will work here soon, what else did you not mention? Come on, there must be more." She pulled Sofia in her arms and took her hand.

"Well, I stay until Monday noon, Jules will see her doctor on Monday, I can see our child live finally and get a picture. If Sara calls it snowflake I slap her! And on Saturday I'll be back in L.A. with most of my things. The moving truck is ordered, I packed everything, all we have to do is load it into the truck and I get it over.

What else did we not tell them, Jules?"

"We didn't tell them about our plan to find a new home for us. Greg will leave his things in the garage of my parents and we'll start looking for a house tomorrow after lunch with my parents. Before you ask, we're looking for a house in this area, Silver Lake, Los Feliz or Hollywood. If you know anything nice and affordable let us know, we found four houses on the internet. And of course you're allowed to help us move in the house, renovate it if necessary and are invited to the big welcome party."

"We have a room available." Sofia smiled. "And an attic."

"No thanks, we take the house."

"Bugger. I saw my accountant already doing the happy dance."

"Are you looking for new housemates?"

"We talked about it, the problem is, Sara needs her wardrobe, so we have only a free bed. Don offers a single woman his wardrobe."

"He wants to see her change clothes all the time."

"Yes."

"See, another reason why I chose Greg and not you, Don Juan."

"Not that Greggo was any different." Sara chuckled. "Did you tell her what you did back in the days? When you worked in the lab?"

"No and we won't tell her. Otherwise she might not marry me."

"Did you ask her?"

"Sure."

"What? Wait, you mention a house first and then, hours later, you mention you will get married too?" Sara asked indignant.

"We didn't mention it? Oh, sorry."

"Jules!" Sofia pocked the woman next to her. "You did that on purpose."

"Where's your evidence?"

"I know you. When will you get married?"

"Not this year. My boyfriend has to buy me a very beautiful engagement ring first. The wedding has time until the baby is born, I want to look sexy in my wedding dress and have a glass of champagne."

"If my opinion is relevant we can wait with the wedding another year or two."

"Greggo, are you scared of tying the knot?"

"No, I want our baby to carry the rings and for that he or she has to be old enough to walk."

"Awww, a little boy in a monkey suit or a girl in a pink dress would be sooo cute." Sofia sighed. When she closed her eyes she could see Greg and Jules on their wedding day, in front of them a toddler carrying a pillow with the rings. Like in a movie, only better because she'd be live at this wedding.

"Your opinion is very relevant and I like your idea." Jules smiled. "You explain my mother why we won't marry this year. I'm sure she'd prefer to have us married when we become parents."

"You can't have a decent hen's night when you're pregnant. And you deserve one. It's not fair when only I have a party before we get married."

"True."

"Pregnant, engaged, a new home, a new job for Greg…wham. Anything else? Wanna make it a handful of surprises?"

"No, I like even numbers." Jules smiled.

"OCD." Sara shot back dryly.

"Somebody read the books in my waiting area."

"With a shrink as a friend you need to know the most important disorders she might talk you in."

"There's still a little bit of suspicion, isn't it Sara?"

"Not when it comes to you but there's another shrink in my life. You never know what she's up to. Better safe than sorry."

"She won't talk you into anything."

"Better safe than sorry." Sara repeated with a smile. She was sure doctor Luria wouldn't try to talk her into any kind of disorder but it was a good of teasing Jules.

"Greg, you will marry into a doctor family." Sofia said. So far she had only heard of doctors in Jules's family. Worse than her own cop family. Her father and brother weren't cops….but her cousins, aunt, uncle, her grandparents both were cops.

"I know, puts me under pressure. Maybe I've to become a doctor myself. Otherwise I get the worst place at the table on family feasts. Or won't get invited at all."

"You don't have to be a doctor."

"Everybody in your family is a doctor – or married to one. Or is a married doctor to another doctor. Is this a kind of rule?"

"It's easy to end up with a doctor when you study medicine and work in a hospital."

"Luckily you don't work at a hospital, you could meet a normal person."

"Somebody who asked me if I'm single before he said anything else."

"Yeah."

"That was so embarrassing." Sara sighed. When Greg asked this question she so wished the earth would open and pull her somewhere else. That wasn't like Greg, not like the Greg she knew. No matter if the story had a happy end, she would never forgive him embarrass her so much.


	28. Chapter 28

**Monday, July 4th**

Waking up next to Sara was the perfect way for Sofia to start the week. In fact any day was perfect when you wake up next to Sara. After their great day Saturday and a very romantic Sunday she felt the first time like her life had a chance to get back on tracks. Some normality got back to her, she was out with her dogs, had a barbecue with her friends and spent a lot of time with Sara. Well, the whole two days.

And a lot of good news. An engagement, a wedding in the future, a pregnancy, a new house, a new job. All of these things won't happen to her but she would be there when these things happen. Greg would move to L.A. within the next week, he and Jules were more or less engaged, about to become parents of a wonderful child, get married and live in a house not too far away from Sofia's. Okay, that was something she added to the list, it wasn't her decision where they looked for a house, if they preferred some-thing close to Sofia but right now she was in a state of mind where she could dream of it.

"Gotcha!" Sara's lips attacked Sofia's cheek.

"Hey, you're awake." Sara had to go to work later today, from noon to ten in the evening. Her boss had called her yesterday evening and asked, if she could change her shift. Not the best shift to spend an evening together but the perfect shift to sleep in.

"Yes. How do you feel?"

"Better. In my head I feel like there's some light for the first time. Our weekend was almost ordinary."

"It was a good weekend."

"The perfect weekend – under the circumstances we have."

"No matter what circumstances a day with you is always better than a day without you. How would you like to start this day? Shower? Breakfast?"

"Some more time in your arms?"

"Good choice." Sara kissed Sofia. "Were you thinking of the weekend?"

"Yes, all the things we found out on Saturday. Greg and Jules will be married parents soon."

"Our little Greggo starts a family." Sara was very happy for her friend.

"Amazing. Makes me want to have a baby too. Did you ever think about a baby? Having a real family?"

"No."

"No? Not even when you were with Grissom?"

"Especially not when I was with Grissom. We weren't exactly what you want a child to have as parents."

"You don't want children?"

"I'm not sure if I can be a good mother. Or second mother?"

"You'd be a great mother."

"No, I wouldn't."

"What makes you say that?"

"My own family situation? My childhood? The fact that I was never around children?"

"Your childhood isn't a reason for you not being a mother, you know all the mistakes and won't make them. Your family? I thought I'm your family. Your mother and brother are not here, they don't have to be a part of the child."

"Do you want a baby?"

"Since they told us about Jules's pregnancy I can't get the thought out of my head. All these years the idea was there but I didn't have the right partner and wanted more success in my job. Now I have somebody I want to spend my life with and the job isn't important anymore, the ideas come back."

"Your job is still important for you."

"I can't become a captain anymore, not in the physical condition I am. Probably I work less time so there is more spare time…I should stop talking about it, shouldn't I?"

"No, tell me your thoughts."

"You don't want a baby, without you I won't want one neither."

"Can I think about it? Regarding the new situation."

"Sure. I love you anyway." Sofia kissed Sara. "What about some other change?"

"Like what?"

"A move?"

"A move? You want to move out of the house?"

"No, into another level. With my leg I should go for the ground level but I thought if we get all the rubbish out of the attic we can have a nice big bedroom up there. You know…one big bedroom for us, like moving in together."

"I moved in a while ago."

"Yeah and while you sleep in my bed – where you belong – stays your stuff in the other room. We should get our own big wardrobe."

"Somebody feels like commitments."

Sofia swallowed. Was she about to ask too much? Did she throw her lover off her guard? "Sorry. Maybe the last weekend impressed me too much."

"Sofia, I like you with all this enthusiasm much more than sad and it's an old plan to clean the attic and get a gym up there. So we clean the attic, get a huge bedroom with an even bigger wardrobe inside, a bathroom and a second bedroom in case we need to be with somebody little fast."

"Like Greg's baby when we babysit. Do we need a little kitchen as well?"

"A fridge and an oven for beer and pizza in bed."

"And a gym, your girlfriend has to work out a lot. Especially after beer and pizza in bed."

"I know some other ways to burn calories."

"Really? Wanna tell me about them?"

"Yeah, when we have the bedroom upstairs and had beer and pizza in bed."

"I order a container and throw everything out. Today!"

"You won't throw anything out, not the next weeks. Why don't you put up a sign in the front garden saying we've an attic sale. Instead of a garage or yard sale. This way you make some money with the stuff that's up there and don't have to carry it."

"I always wanted somebody in my life who is smart and sexy. Looks like you're the one I was after." An attic sale. What a great idea. She would make some money with the things up there, things she never used, most of them she never bought. Even when they couldn't sell of the stuff, when there was less left they didn't have to pay so much for the rest to been thrown away.

* * *

"We are too late for shopping." Sara said when they came downstairs in the kitchen.

"A little bit. You've got one hour before you have to leave. Bugger. It was too good to be in your arms."

"Ditto. I've therapy tomorrow morning at nine and can do the shopping after that." Something she had to change due the new time of work today. Lucky for her doctor Luria had another appointment.

"Why don't you take Sofia and me to the shopping center, we do the shopping and you pick us up an hour later? Morning sleeping beauties." Don came with some coffee in the kitchen, accompanied by Rantanplan and Scooby, who both greeted Sara and Sofia like long lost family members.

"Good idea."

"Take Don, When you take me and the wheel chair there won't be any place for our shopping stuff. I take the dogs out for a walk, after three mornings of being lazy it's my turn to spend some times with my babies. Yuck, thanks Scooby." The dog had given his owner a big sloppy dog kiss. It was much easier for them to kiss Sofia since she was in the wheelchair.

"He loves you."

"I know and I love him…but I could smell his breakfast. You didn't brush your teeth young man. Wait a minute, we can change that." She drove to the cupboard and got two dental care bones out. "Time to clean your teeth and get a fresh breath." She throw one bone to each dog and both took off with them, happily waggling. Somehow she imagined it wasn't that easy to enthuse children about cleaning their teeth.

"You're such a good mommy." Don teased.

"I'm good at everything. Hah, there was my old self-esteem."

"The smug Sofia is back, I missed her." Sara kissed her lover. "Soon we will see this arrogant swagger again."

"It will be more like an arrogant limp but I try to put some of my famous Curtis swagger in it, only to turn a few heads. All I need are tight long pants and nobody will notice I've only one and a half leg. Means also I need to work out a lot to keep a sexy ass."

"So far it looks very sexy." Don said.

"Thanks. Don't check your landlady out."

"Sorry, I like watching sexy things. When you and Sara stand next to each other I've no idea where to look first."

"You hit on my woman and you can leave the house."

"She's so sexy when she's jealous." Sara grinned and put on arm around Don's waist. "How do Don and I look together?"

"Horrible. Like a nightmare."

"That's her jealousy talking, we look good together."

"Go and open the door, I heard a car stopped in front of the house, that will be Greg."

"We can open the door arm in arm…or I go alone." Sara smirked, bent down, kissed Sofia and left the kitchen. Greg wanted to say goodbye before he drove back to Vegas.

"Mine!"

"Of course she's yours, my little seagull…mine! Mine! Mine! We should the movie later after YOUR girlfriend is gone and we took the dogs out. What do you think?"

"I start to like you again."

"You always like me."

"Sometimes I don't like you much."

"Oh come on." Don sat next to Sofia on a chair. "We're partners in crime fighting. Or partner in arm breaking."

"You should become partners in crime fighting or do I have to do that as well when I work here? Is LAPD capable of doing a good job so we can all get home on time or are you guys only good in getting injured and sit lazy at home in the kitchen?" Greg asked amused.

"We should kick him out for that, don't you think Sofia?"

"Yeah. Unfortunately I want the news on his baby and see the ultrasonic image. Show us little Snowflake."

"She said it! It wasn't me! Not me! Don't slap me!" Sara laughed.

"I should take the photos with me to Vegas, Cath will appreciate them."

"Oh come on, Snowflake is a really cute nickname for the baby. Show me the photo. Please. Please. Pretty please."

"Okay. Only because I'm so happy." Greg pulled a folder out of his little bag and put an ultrasonic photo on the table.

"Wow, I can actually see two babies…is Jules having twins? She said only baby and not babies."

"I didn't know there are two babies inside her until this morning. It was her surprise for me."

"Twins. So cool. But I can't see if they are boy or girl."

"That's something we don't want to know – at the moment. I'm sure it will change soon because Jules wants to know everything ASAP. Aren't they cute? I'm going to copy this photo and pin it everywhere. Have huge poster of it. My babies."

"Can I have one of them?"

"No!"

"Come on, you don't need two to start, give one to me."

"Sara, your girlfriend is crazy."

"Not my fault, you show a woman photos of babies they go crazy and want one too."

"You know what that means for you."

"Yes. I've to talk her out of that. It's more important that she gets well again. Her body has a lot to do recovering, it doesn't need a pregnancy to worry about. Not this year."

"Did you just tell her she can have a baby next year?" Greg chuckled.

"Sofia and me can talk about everything after her shoulder and arm are healed and she can walk on her prosthesis around the reservoir. Without problems or being out of breath."

The urge to ask her lover if that was a promise was huge but a inner voice told her not to do so. They talked about it two hours ago, when Sofia wanted to continue this conversation she should wait until she was alone with Sara. Without pressure.

"When I get my prosthesis I will practice walking every day. The swelling decreases every day and I hope by the end of next month they will measure my leg. When your babies are born I want to play with them."

"Alison will support you and with Sara by your side you should be able to get to your goal. Greg Junior and Georgia will enjoy being out with you."

"What does your fiancé say about the names?" Don chuckled.

"Nothing. She doesn't know about them. That's my surprise. I'll give her a pretty ring and then we talk about names."

"For those names you need a very expensive ring, Greggo." Sara hugged her friend. "Try different names. And don't let her wait with your return."

"I won't. Believe me the last weeks were hell, I knew she is pregnant and couldn't be there for her, had to stay in Vegas. When I think of it, it would have been easier if I had moved to Los Angeles earlier. For me it was clear she is the one."

"Yeah…are you single? I could still slap you for that."

"The funny thing is she wasn't single. Not really. Two or three weeks before she started seeing somebody else but somehow I got her attention with my question and the evening together must have been at least a little bit good for her. Or very good. After that evening she didn't meet the other man anymore."

"She's a smart woman, no matter who else this man was, you're the better choice."

"He was a doctor – of course."

"Of course, she's from a doctor family. Maybe that's the reason why she agreed on seeing you. Something different. After all, her ex was a doctor too."

"How do you know?"

"I met him when Sofia was in hospital. He's married and father of two now, no reason for you to be jealous."

"Really? She didn't tell me."

"Jules will be a married woman with two children herself soon. Your wife."

"Yeah. I feel like I'm the luckiest man in the world."

"You are, she's great. Ask my girlfriend, she was about to fall for her too."

"All I said was she doesn't look too bad." Sofia defended herself. Okay, if Jules had asked her out she had said yes, like Greg did. But…Sara didn't have to know about this! Some things were better kept for yourself.

"You called her hot and sexy."

Instead of an answer the blonde grumbled something. That was a long time ago. Before she and Sara were together. All she wanted to find out was if Sara was jealous, if she cared when Sofia was interested in another woman. Test the water. So after one evening out with Jules she would have had her answer and had stopped seeing the therapist. After all, she was Sara's therapist and therefore not a woman she could date. Not as long as Sara was with her and she wanted make her stay for a long time – like forever.


	29. Chapter 29

"Ooooooh fuuuuuuuuuck!" Sofia closed her eyes and saw stars. A whole sky full of colorful, happy stars, moving all around, swinging from side to side, coming closer, moving away. With them there was pain, a lot of pain, from her little finger through her left arm to the shoulder, down her upper body to the legs, ending in her toes. This couldn't be physiotherapy, this had to be a mean antique kind of torture.

"Repeat the move, Sofia." Her physiotherapist said calmly.

"Are you nuts? That was pain! I can't remember that it hurt so much when I broke my arm. It's still broken, I can't do the thing you want me to do."

"When the cast is off you will have more training, until then you can't just sit around and do nothing."

"We train my leg as much as it's possible at the moment. My shoulder should be fine soon but my arm can't be part of your torture."

"Are you the physiotherapist or me?"

"Do you feel the pain or I?"

"You will recover faster when you work on your arm already."

"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." Sofia leant back and eyed the physiotherapist. His longish gray hair was tied back to a ponytail. For him it was easy to say, he didn't have a broken arm and a dislocated shoulder. He could do all these things without pain.

"Repeat the move, please."

"Over my dead body."

"Sofia…" He sighed. "Please. Lets do it again, together."

"You want to see me suffer."

"I want you to be able to use your arm ASAP."

"Sure." Unwillingly Sofia tried to her exercise, clenched her teeth and saw less stars this time. Was that the first success? If you call a lot of pain a success.

"See, it worked out."

"Satisfied? Can I leave now?"

"Yes. I see you tomorrow."

"That's a threat."

"A challenge."

"I will be back and I will get out of here ASAP. If I've to repeat this torture so be it."

"There more you suffer now the less you will suffer later."

"If you're not right I'll kick your ass."

"When you can kick me the therapy worked out the way it was supposed to be."

She throw an evil look in his direction. This man was smug and made fun of her. With her wheelchair she got out of the room and took a deep breath. It was one thing to get back to the hospital she stayed in for over a week, something else when she had to get through a lot of pain again. This time without morphine.

"Hello Miss Curtis, how are you?"

"Doctor Bendler, hi. I'm fine, how are you?"

"Not too bad when I can go home. Do you have to go to physiotherapy?"

"No! I survived it already. He's a torture, likes to see me suffer."

"He's a good physiotherapist."

"Sure when you compare him to the devil he's an angel. What happens if I don't go back to him?"

"Your arm will hurt for a long time, you won't be able to work or do sports for a long time and you'll be in trouble with your girlfriend who won't like your idea."

"Why can't I wait until the cast is off?"

"Because when you start now you will recover faster."

"That's what he said."

"That's what I say. It will hurt any time, no matter if now or later. When you do it now you can end it sooner. Don't you want to use your arm completely until Christmas? Do all the shopping, play basketball with your friends?"

"Can I do that with my leg? Until Christmas?"

"Depends on how your wound heals. When it heals the way it does now there's no reason why you shouldn't do all these things. Unless you don't go to your therapy anymore."

"Physiotherapy, psychotherapy, seeing doctors all day, life is no fun."

"I'm sure you had better times in life but at least you are alive. We had a lot of people here who weren't as lucky as you are. You lost half of your leg, it could have been your life or more limbs. As a fighter you shouldn't whine and complain about therapy but see it as a chance to recover faster than we all expect."

"I'm one of the babysitter of your grandchildren."

"So I've been told."

"Since when do you know Jules expects twins?"

"A month. When she came around we made an ultrasound photo and saw two babies. We didn't tell anybody because Greg has a right to hear it from her first."

"And since when do you know he'll move to Los Angeles?"

"Since he knows about the baby. Or babies. We never mentioned it because we had to focus on you and all the others were supposed to focus on you too. Plus you appreciate news like that more when you're at home and not in hospital."

"A baby for Greg and Jules is always great news. It gave me new energy. Which reminds me: do you need something for your house?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"We start an attic sale tomorrow, come around and have a look, everything is supposed to get off the attic. Don't ask me what's up there, most things are from the old owner, I never bothered to throw it away."

"There could be expensive treasures hidden."

"Maybe. Don will have a look if I get the wheelchair up somehow I do the same."

"Don't fall down the stairs."

"No." Sofia sighed. Why did everybody act like she was a baby? She was aware of what she could do in her condition and what not.

* * *

"I had no idea there is so much stuff around." Sofia couldn't believe her eyes. Her attic had always been full but this wasn't full anymore, it was overcrowded. When did she accumulate so many things? Or did they all belong to the former owner of her house?

"Tell me about it." Don had needed five minutes until he had enough space for a stool for Sofia. It was impossible to get the wheelchair up here, they had to improvise. "Asking you what you want to keep is unnecessary I guess."

"Uhm…I remember we put Sara's surfboard up here … there it is!" Only a yard away from the blonde was Sara's old surfboard, unreachable buried behind boxes and other stuff. "And in front of it should be a box or two that belong to her. You are in front of the Christmas decoration if I'm not mistaken."

Don turned and read what was written on the big box behind him. "You're right. Christmas. We keep this one …I hear the dogs, Kyle must be here. Perfect. He can carry the boxes down, I can't do it with my arm. Give me a second, I get him up here. Don't run away."

"Very funny." Like she could go anywhere from here. It wasn't possible to get off the stool and craw down the stairs like she usually did when she moved between the first and the second level. Up here she was caught. Caught between…a quarter of a century or so of history. And dust.

An attic sale. Did she rush into something with this? On the other hand she didn't use the things up here; most of them. And what she needed could be stored somewhere else while hundreds of people came up here and bought all the things. A lot of money, money she needed to rebuild the attic into a big bedroom, a second bedroom, a bathroom, an open kitchen and a gym. Her accountant wouldn't like this idea. She needed some money to persuade him – and two more housemates.

"Hi Lieutenant, how are you?" Kyle hugged Sofia.

"Better since I'm back home. Remind that when I'm back at the department we'll employ an physiotherapist as a modern torturer. They know no mercy and you can't send them to trial."

"That bad?"

"Worse. Don?"

"Yeah, they like it when we suffer. Lets forget them. We need your healthy arms and legs, Kyle."

"To get all the heavy things down. I told you're a long time ago you need a real man in your house and not a Yankee."

"If I had two healthy arms we wouldn't need you." Don protested.

"Sure. Tell me what you want where."

"The box with the Christmas decoration down. We or you can put everything in Sara's room as long as she can still reach her wardrobe."

"Not her bed?"

"No, the last time she slept in there…I can't remember when it was. Greg stayed in there a couple of times. And Jules. My parents. Sara has her half of my bed."

"Lucky woman. Both of you. Okay, I get the Christmas box down. Can you carry something too, little broken wing Yankee? An empty bottle?"

"Wait until my arm is healed and I kick your ass, Kyle."

"Uh-huh, so scary." Kyle laughed, took the box and went downstairs.

"He enjoys this way too much."

"So would you if you were in his shoes. Do you see anything that belongs to you?"

"Yeah, there's a box with books, CDs and DVDs. Old stuff I don't want anymore. This bag is mine too, my winter clothes. I get it into my room. You never know I might end up in a snow storm the next time I fly to New York." He pulled bag pulling after him to the stairs, before he kicked it down the stairs. There was nothing inside that could break.

Sara's surfboard had to go down, they could make their way to it first. The good thing was their stuff was in front of all the other things she had no idea of what they were. If mice live up here? Or any other animals? Besides spiders. The attic needed a good clean before they could have their rooms up here. Was it a good place for a bedroom? The roof needed some extra isolation otherwise they'd die here, it was hot and Sofia wished already for a fan or air-condition.

Sofia had contact a few builders already, had them sent information about the attic, what she wanted and asked for prices and how fast they could do it. One told her it was possible to change everything within a week, another one said they'd need a month so she guest reality was somewhere in between. She'd check again tonight, ask Sara, Don and Kyle about their opinions and choose then.

"What next?" Kyle asked when he was back.

"The surfboard belongs to Sara, I think it's good to get there first. Kyle, do you think it's a good idea to get a bedroom up here?"

"Well." Kyle looked around. "Hard to imagine with all this chaos. The rooftop is around four yards up, you have high rooms if you want, what also means you have some space on the short walls for a wardrobe. How much is it at the end? Four or five yards that are two yards high. A new isolation, a few windows. It will cost you some money."

"Yeah, my accountant will kill me. There have to be a lot of people paying a lot of money for the stuff up here so I can show him, there's some money. Plus two more housemates."

"You will figure something out and I'm sure it won't be a problem to find new housemates, this place is great."

"Want to move in?"

"No, I prefer to be a guest and see my lieutenant for a few drinks on the weekend and not before I've to go to work. Some people say it's not good to be too friendly with your boss."

"Works out good for us, doesn't it?" They never had any problems because of their friendship and Sofia's higher rank. Or did she recognize them?

"Absolutely. And it will stay this way with me in my own apartment. You've got the Yankee, that should be enough department for your time off. Back to your things up here. What about this box?"

"Is something written on it?"

"Nope."

"Open it."

"Like looking for treasures. When it's a box with porn magazines we found a box of Don."

"Very funny." Don was back and heard the last words.

"A box with board games. Hey, we played this game last winter."

"Yeah, we can keep them, maybe we use them more often."

"Dumbbells." Don lifted a dumbbell. "Perfect for our gym later. I get them down."

"Gosh, that's a long time ago that I practiced with them." Sofia remember she bought them in Las Vegas a couple of years ago when she got her job as a detective. At that time she wanted to build up some muscles to fight bad guys.

If she was ever able to get back on the streets, fight the bad guys? Probably not. Not with her leg. She needed something else, something that didn't include possible fighting and shooting with suspects. And no desk job!

"A box with letters, postcards and greeting cards."

"Oh, my favorites, is it very sentimental to keep them? Like the first love letter you got?"

"Very girlie."

"Good…no, not good. Sara won't like stumbling over old love letters I got."

"I'm sure she's aware of the fact that you got a few love letters and had relationships before her."

"Sure…but I kept some of them."

"Totally normal for a woman."

"You don't have the first love letter you ever got?"

"No. I have the first love letter I ever wrote."

"Why do you have it? Shouldn't it be with the woman it was written for?"

"Absolutely, the problem was Marilyn Monroe was long dead when I wrote it. God, how was I in love with her when I was seven or eight." He laughed.

"Crazy. Oh, those paper rolls over there are old poster …they can stay here."

"I put them up here so we work our way to the board …how did you get in the corner?"

"We pushed and pulled a few boxes aside, put it there and since that day everything we put up here was put in front of the board….like that old ironing board."

"Broken?"

"Yes. Don't ask me why I kept it."

"I get the broken stuff in your garage…or shall we pray somebody wants a broken ironing board?"

"You never know. Maybe we can have a corner with broken stuff, free give away."

"Wow, six bottles of red wine. Forty years old." Kyle said happily.

"Keep them if you want, I took them here when I moved in."

"Don't you want to drink them?"

"Not the next months and you deserve them for all the things you have to carry today."

"Cool. Thanks. The perfect gift for my mother. What about the baseball equipment?"

"Mine." Don called from the stairs. "I keep them."

"So far you kept most of the stuff. Sure you want the attic empty?"

"Yes." Perhaps they needed a small room up here later to keep things like their Christmas decoration or winter stuff. Or they had to make a second decision about a few things. It was easy to say you need this and that but when you were honest and thought about how often you used those things the last months, you found out you lived without them, never thought of them.


	30. Chapter 30

**Wednesday, July 27th**

With a smile Sofia moved her left arm with clenched teeth from left to right, up and down. Freedom. No more cast. Her arm was hers again. It looked like an arm and not like a white role with some writings on it. Okay, it felt strange after over six weeks of wearing a cast to have the additional weight no longer with her, moving the arm wasn't painless and the angle she could move it was limited but it was her arm. She saw it, she could touch it and when there was a damn itch she could scratch herself with her other hand and didn't have to find a long knitting needle – something she didn't own before the accident – to scratch. People start to appreciate being able to scratch themselves when they had a cast. Past tense. It was gone. She was free.

"How do you feel?" Doctor Bendler asked. She had insisted to take off the cast herself in her break. Called it a part of the deal she had with Jules. Who else could say a top surgeon called you to remove your cast? For that Sofia was back in the doctor's office.

"Free."

The doctor smiled. "Shall we work on a little bit more freedom for you?"

"Don't tell me you want to do physiotherapy with me. I've my appointment later." And when she thought about it she felt pain already. Her personal torturer was very likely to have a lot of sadistic exercises for her. A man who knew no mercy.

"No, I thought more of we call my colleague and he measures your leg for a prosthesis. Or do you want to wait until you see your orthopedic? Your wound looked good the last time I checked, there shouldn't be a reason why you should wait any longer."

"Wow. Yeah. When you think that I can have one already."

"It's been over six weeks, the orthopedic can measure your leg. It will take some time before you have your prosthesis but I'm sure you will have it before fall. Maybe you will even be able to go swimming in the ocean this season."

"Wow again." Sofia had never dreamed of having the chance for a swim this summer. To her surprise and of her doctors her wound healed fast and didn't give her any trouble, she sometimes wondered if her arm wasn't worse than the leg. Of course she had a lot of pain, she experienced phantom pain often and needed medication. Since she had seen a neurologist and got different pills the pain was less and there were times when she sat in her garden swing and forgot for a few seconds what happened to her.

"When is your next appointment with your orthopedic?"

"In two weeks."

"Why don't you have a sooner appointment?"

"He's chronically busy."

"Okay. You get yourself to your physiotherapy and I call my colleague and tell him to make some time available for you."

"You don't have to…"

"My daughter found a house she likes, when she and her fiancé buy it, they'll move soon. You as her friend can help, for that you need both legs. And your arms. Off you go to your personal torturer, I get the doctor for later."

At least the doctor knew this man was a torturer. "I can drive the boxes when I sit in my wheelchair."

"For the first weeks you will rely a lot on the wheelchair because you can't use your arm, so you can't use crutches. That's no reason not to practice and keep coming to your therapy."

"Yeah, yeah, I understand. When shall I be back? Right after therapy?"

"Yes. Have fun."

"Very funny. I might use my new freedom to punch him." Sofia moved her arm. Hah, she had the power. No more cast. Without the bandage around her knee she could finally take an ordinary shower again. No more sitting on a chair, washing herself, always careful that no water comes in contact with her cast. Freedom. From now on she could dress herself and… okay she wasn't able to get out of the wheelchair and walk around but she could jump on one leg and hold on to whatever was around. Preferentially with her right hand but soon her left one would be good again and help her to more freedom – crutches. Who would have thought she'd see crutches as a part of freedom one day?

* * *

Sara threw her keys on the kitchen counter, dropped the leashes of the dogs on the ground and jumped through the half kitchen to get her cell phone.

"Sidle." She gasped for some air.

"Honey, where have you been? I've been waiting for a call from you for weeks."

"Mom." She slipped on the floor. These two sentences were enough to rob her all her energy. Not that there was a lot of energy left after ten hours of work and a run with the dogs around the reservoir. Her plan had been to come home, have a big coffee and a muffin, a little nap in a hammock and go shopping.

"Mom."

"You didn't call me, you didn't call your brother."

"Sorry I was…a lot of things happened."

"You didn't call."

"I know." How was it possible that her mother could make her feel guilty within seconds? Without a reason to feel guilty.

"We want to see you."

She didn't want to see them. Wasn't ready for that.

"When will you come to San Francisco?"

Not any time soon. She had talked about this with doctor Luria, had thought what she would say when her mother called. That she would call was obvious. Sara could be happy that she had so much time to prepare herself. Nevertheless she felt unprepared and like a little girl on her first day at school.

"Mom, I can't leave Los Angeles at the moment."

"Why?" So many reproaches in one word.

"Because…Sofia had an accident and needs me."

"We need you here, we're your family."

In front of the law they were her family, yes, in her heart they didn't come close to Sofia. If Sara had to make a decision between her mother and brother and Sofia, the blonde was her pick. Always. Without any hesitation.

"When I needed you during the trial you weren't there for me. Now you expect me to come to San Francisco because you ask for it and leave the woman I love, who is always there for me, supports me, alone? No way."

"Do you still live in this fantasy world? That you love this woman?"

Fantasy world? When she and Sofia were up there her mother seemed to be okay with their relationship. Said it wouldn't matter who Sara loved.

"Does she tell you to stay away from your family?"

"Don't be ridiculous mother."

"Your brother…"

"Sam didn't care about me when I needed him, he left and didn't call in over twenty years. I have no interest in meeting him. For all I care he can be in San Francisco, Chicago, Washington or Kuala Lumpur. He isn't a part of my life.

You left me alone when I needed you for the trial, you told me not to tell anybody what Trevor did to me, told me to leave the past in the past. I will do that now, I will leave the past in the past and won't come up to see you and Sam. Not today, not this week, not this year. You disappointed me, mother. You made me feel miserable, you made me feel like I'm worthless, like it's okay when somebody hurts me. Sorry but I don't want to talk to you now. Or see you. Goodbye." She ended the call and switched off her phone to get around another call.

Exhausted she dropped her cell phone next to her. This didn't work out the way she had talked it through with doctor Luria. Hanging up on her mother. Not was a good daughter was supposed to do. On the other hand side her mother didn't act like a mother. Schizophrenia or not, she could expect some motherly feelings from her mother, couldn't she? Her mother left her twice alone when she needed her, disappointed her, why was she supposed to forgive her all the time? Not this time.

A cold snout touched her cheek and Rantanplan's tongue got all over her face. Rubbing his snout gently over Sara's face he tried to comfort her.

"Hey Ran." Sara got her arms around the dog and pulled him closer. From the other side appeared Scooby's head. With both dogs in her arms she stayed on the kitchen floor. It was good not to be alone.

Should she call somebody and talk about the phone call? Her therapist? No, it was five, her therapist was about to close her office, she could call her tomorrow or tell her Monday when she had hew next appointment. How many more appointments did it take to be a normal person again? Or to be as normal as you had to not need a therapist.

"Honey, what happened?"

When Sara lifted her head she saw Sofia in the door frame, fear in her eyes because her lover was on the ground. Instead of greeting her owner the dogs stayed with Sara, only waggled shortly when they looked at the blonde.

"Nothing…hey, your cast isn't with you."

"Doctor Bendler removed it herself. Tell me what's going on? Are you not feeling good?"

Sara got on her feet, walked to her girlfriend and kissed her. "I'm glad to see your arm again. Do you want something to drink?"

"No, I want a damn answer what's up with you." Sofia wasn't sure if it was anger or desperation that she felt.

"Can we go in the living room?"

"Sure."

"The construction worker left around four."

"Okay." Not that Sofia was interested in that. They had been around for a week. After their two week attic sale, where they sold a lot of stuff, made some money and throwing the rest away, two men put up a new isolation followed by four men who build walls, worked on the electricity and pipes. A new little attic was build over the part of the old attic that was supposed to be their new two bedrooms, bathroom and kitchen. A place to leave all the things they kept and didn't want to have in a room or the garages. Although a bathroom downstairs, so Sofia didn't have to go upstairs all the time. Not that it was important now, now was important why Sara looked so sad, why she sat on the ground, her face buried in the hair of the dogs.


	31. Chapter 31

"My mom called again." With a glass of water in her hands Sara sat on the couch.

"Shit." Sofia took the hand of the other woman. They hadn't talked about Sara's family for a while, Sofia hoped their wouldn't call and Sara could forget the trouble, the calls, the pain. Apparently she was wrong, Misses Sidle didn't plan to leave her daughter alone. "She wants you in San Francisco?"

"She accused me of not calling her or my brother, not caring about them and being a bad daughter. You are by the way only a fantasy. Our relationship isn't real."

"Am I? I thought she was cool about it."

"Apparently not. Anyway I told her I don't want to see or talk to her or Sam now. You are my highest priority and until you're not fine there's no way I go anywhere."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. No trip to San Francisco. Not this year. She disappointed me. Again. I know she's ill and I've to be understanding but…I can't. I don't have the power to forgiver her everything. Suffering from a disorder or not, there are certain things people can expect you to do. Telling your daughter it's okay she was raped isn't one these things. No, I don't want to see or talk to her or Sam. Not today, not this year."

"Okay." Sofia hugged Sara. She wouldn't push her to do things she didn't want, didn't like.

"How was your day? Beside the fact you lost your cast. Finally. Any other news?"

"My stump was measured today for a prosthesis. Doctor Bendler said there's a good possibility that I can go swimming in the ocean this summer."

"Hey, that's wonderful." Sara pulled her lover in her arms and kissed her softly. No cast and the chance of getting her life back as much as possible. Some good news on a day like today.

"Yeah. We can go to Frisco in fall if you want. My leg is no reason."

"No! When you have your prosthesis you need to practice with it, have to get comfortable with it. After that we go on a holiday trip somewhere nice and not to San Francisco."

"Running away? Doesn't work." Who put those strange words in her mouth?

"Don't sound like a therapist."

"Sorry, I saw two of them today. And two different doctors." Sofia pulled Sara in her arms. What a great feeling to actually feel her girlfriend. No cast that was between them, made it almost impossible to hold hands. "Will you talk about it with doctor Luria?"

"Next week."

"Did you call her? Told her about the call?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because…it was already five and she has a right of going home on time."

"You're stubborn. She's your therapist."

"With a nine to five work day. The last one made an exception for me, that's enough."

"Talking about Jules, we can invite her and Greg."

"No. Not today. I don't want to talk with her about my family and she'd know something happened. Leave them to their own problems, they're busy enough with the move and all the preparations."

"Do you want me around? Or do you want to be alone?"

"I always want to be with you, you should know that by now." Sara smiled and kissed Sofia. If there was one person she could and would talk to it was her lover. Not a therapist, not a friend, only Sofia.

"What do you think will happen now?"

"Now mom will call Sam and complain what a bad daughter I am. Again."

"Is he in San Francisco too?"

"I don't know. He had to be there when she called me the first time, if he's still there, I don't know. Wherever he has been all the years, maybe in the same city, it's not difficult not to see each other. Or he moved back, wants to work on his past. Needs some money? Mom doesn't have any, could be the reason why he wants to see me."

"How was your relationship when you were young? You said he wasn't much at home."

"No. My father got both of us into hospitals a few times, there were only screaming, punishing, no love, no peace. Very strange when you think they were hippies. Sam always ran away as far as I can remember. Most times some friends brought him back home a few hours later where he got in trouble for running away. When he was older he managed to vanish for a few days but he had nowhere to go. We didn't get any money from our parents, didn't have any belongings, no family members on the other side of the city we could trust. He had to choose between getting smacked up on the streets or at home. At least nobody killed you at home and you got into medical care after you got what you deserved."

"How did react when your mother killed your father?"

"Relieved? Shocked? He hated our father. Our mother acted weird most times, he had no person to turn to with his sister being five years younger."

"I'm not so close to my brother, I mean I see him once or twice a year but we're not like other siblings, always calling each other, visiting." Sofia's brother had been over to Los Angeles two weeks ago to see his sister, he called a few times before that, to make sure she was fine after the accident, but unlike her parents, her brother didn't rush over to be here. That was okay, she didn't want all of her family over, it was difficult enough to talk a few aunts out of coming to Los Angeles and visit her. Too much stress, Marie told her siblings and brothers and sisters-in-law.

"My life was okay without him, I don't need him in my life and I don't want him in my life. Maybe I'm a bad unforgiving sister. After all he was a kid himself."

"He was sixteen when Trevor abused you, he could gone to the police."

"Our parents told us the police is bad. They only put you into prison, they don't like hippies and won't help them. And he had been in trouble with the police a few times for smoking dope."

"Except you every teenager smokes dope at one point…gosh when I say that again Greg will never let me see his kids."

"Probably not." Sara smiled a bit. "Am I a bad mother when I block my mother's phone number? Or the number of the telephone she uses in prison."

"Is she likely to accept that you don't want any contact?"

"No."

"Block it. You can unblock it when you feel like it."

"Yeah." Sara got up. "I get my phone. And a muffin for you. Coffee too? A little celebration of losing the cast?"

"Only if you throw in a few kisses."

"Sounds possible." Sara was afraid when she switched on her phone now there were a few messages of her mother, she had to delete them and block the number. It was a hard decision but at the moment she felt like it was the only decision that helped her.

* * *

One last step and Sofia was in the third level. Her former attic now construction side of the house. The construction workers had been busy, since she had been up here two days ago. There were white walls and a floor, five windows let the sunshine inside. Nothing reminded her of her old dark attic.

"Wheelchair's coming." Sara got the wheelchair up and took a deep breath. The wheelchair was heavy and not very cooperative when you had to push it up some stairs.

"Thanks. Sorry I can't use crutches yet." Her physiotherapist had forbidden her to try crutches. He understood that Sofia was sick and tired of the wheelchair but her left arm didn't have the strength to support her using crutches. It was likely she fell and broke her arm again.

"That's okay. Give me your hand." Instead of pulling the blonde simple up she pulled her in her arms and kissed her. Her brave girlfriend, her fighter. She was so strong, fought and forgot her own problems as soon as she saw her lover was sad. The perfect partner. With her Sara would find a solution for her family problems, would cope and get over everything. Her Sofia. The one.

Carefully she let her down onto the chair so they could move around.

"Wow, you can pull me up more often."

"We see about that. What do you say about your old attic? New living area."

"I see white walls and a hallway. How high are the walls?"

"Slightly over two yards, that gives us a little bit over five yards of straight walls." Sara pushed the wheelchair. There was a hallway – or what would be the hallway soon. No doors so far, on the right side was a little room, three by four that would be the bathroom. On the left was a bigger room, four by four that would be the second bedroom. In front of the bathroom would be a kitchenette, open to the rest of the third level. At the end of the short hallway was their bedroom. A four by five yards room when you counted the area you could use for a wardrobe or other taller furniture. All in all the room was ten yards long but what were they supposed to do with the area where the floor met the roof?

"This is what I call a bedroom. Will we get all our clothes in here?" Sofia asked.

"Depends. Will you continue to buy so many clothes? If so I've to throw half of my clothes away or we have a problem with the new wardrobe."

"Hey!" Sofia bopped her lover. She didn't have so many …okay, she had a lot of clothes. When they cleaned the attic they found four more big bags with clothes, some of them Sofia gave away, some were in Sara's room. Maybe she should check which clothes she really needed before she packed and moved into the new room. Was it really necessary to have forty shirts? And the same amount of blouses.

"Do we want a wardrobe or shelves?"

"Shelves?" Sara furrowed her brows. Shelves for her clothes was something new for her. She had never seen clothes in shelves – except in shops.

"Yeah. To use the space. We get a horizontal pole about a yard above the floor across the room for all our pants, blouses, jackets and what else we need to hang. Next to it we can have shelves for our shoes on each side. Above more shelves for all other clothes. The only downside is we won't have a huge mirror this way."

"What do you need a huge mirror for?" Another chance to tease the blonde.

"To look at me. How all the new things look when I mix them up with other clothes. Which shoes fit best."

"You look always gorgeous, no matter what you wear and how you wear it."

"Thanks, I love you too but I want a mirror! I don't care if we get only curtains in front of the shelves but I want a big mirror."

"Don't you think an ordinary wardrobe will do it too? Or two."

"And shelves next to them? Yeah, you're right. It will look better this way. Okay, we can go wardrobe shopping the next time you have a day off. What about the bed? Shall we take my bed with us or do we get a new one?"

"A new one, our own bed. Queen size."

"Not king?" They shared a king size bed at the moment, why change to a smaller bed?

"No, I don't want a big bed, I want to lie next to you, have you close to me."

"Awww." Sofia sighed happily. Wasn't her lover great? And so cute.

"Okay, queen size bed. When we get our balcony on the left side we can put the bed on the right side." Sofia had asked for a balcony for them, one they could see the reservoir and the Hollywood sign from. First they wanted one to look over the garden, then one that went around the house to see to three directions. After the architect told them how much they had to pay for it, they decided a view over the reservoir and to the Hollywood sign was just perfect. A window to the garden would be enough.

"Yes, under the window. We can watch the stars this way."

"I love it when you're romantic. What else do we need? Candles? Wine? A stereo to listen to romantic music?"

"A fan. Even with isolation it's hot up here and when we want some sleep we need a fan to get us some air. One or two book shelves, a big desk we can share."

"Two dresser. Can I pin photos of us on the bevel walls? I'd like to have a place where we pin photos from us, some old ones, some of future travel adventures. Like our trip to Ireland in May." What a great trip and now they were very happy they went earlier than planned. If they hat stuck to their old plan to fly in the middle of June, they would have have to cancel the trip.

"Okay. Do we need a TV?"

"No don't need one, there's one in the living room but we want one for evenings in bed, watching romantic movies and having sex. I don't want to have sex with you while we watch a hot movie and have three or more people around me. I'm too shy for that."

"Really? You never stroke me as the shy kind."

"I am and you don't want audience neither."

"No. What about the other bedroom? Any ideas for it?"

"I think we can put a sleep couch and dresser in it and use it as a guest room. And two cots for our baby guests next year. Greg promised we can look after them once a month when he takes Jules out." And Sofia was more than happy about this. Two cute little babies in her house, to take care of. When she was good with them, she knew she would be a good mother. So Greg's babies would be her test for her own planed child.

"Wait until you want to have sex with me and both babies start crying, you have to leave the bed, look after them and when you come back two hours later after you had a shower because they puked on you, I'm sound asleep."

"Are you trying to get my baby idea out of my head?"

"No, I tell you what will happen."

"When we have our own baby one day – if we decide we want one – will you leave the work to me too?"

"If we both want the baby we both take care of it."

"Thanks. We'll talk about this topic later, I can't walk around the reservoir the next weeks, no need to discuss it now. Back to our house."

"The area above us will be our tiny attic for things like decoration." They had a few boxes left they didn't want in their room and had no idea where else to leave them. And it was likely they got more when they moved up and had a close look at the things they really needed or thought they needed and couldn't throw away yet.

"Yes. That leaves half of the third story for the gym. Don bought already a multi exercise machine." Sofia stopped in the middle of the big room. "This is like moving into an own apartment. We have everything we need up here, our own little place."

"As I know us we'll be downstairs anyway."

"Yeah. Have a seat."

"No, I don't think your leg likes it when I sit on it."

"I like it, my wound looks good. Doctor Bendler was very happy I'm such a good patient. I do complain sometimes – often – but I always do what they ask me to do."

"And we want to keep it this way and don't add unnecessary weight to it. Not now. Lets go down, I feel a little hunger."

"For me or food?"

"Food."

"Bugger."

"The hunger could change after I had something to eat. What to you want?"

"A sandwich. Salad, cheese, tomatoes."

"I make two and you have a look what our dogs are doing."

"Telling Don with their eyes he wants to share his steak with them?" Sofia grinned. When Don started the barbecues both dogs joined him and there was no chance they would leave him and the steak before it wasn't eaten – preferable by them. If they called him to help them with the wheelchair their dogs had to be very good behaved to leave it on the barbecue.


End file.
